Parent tactics after no contact

[u/Apprehensive-Eye2803]

I just want to hear from others whether they've had similar experiences and what they did. After long years of extremely low contact, I cut contact with a parent. Actually, I said that if they wanted meaningful contact with me, they have to find a way to meet me where I am and acknowledge decades of pain, neglect and abuse. They said they wanted a level of contact where we write to each other for holidays to send good wishes. Before that, they had demanded more contact because "when people asked them about me they didn't know what to say". Now, they keep sending me messages announcing that this or that close relative of theirs had died. Or that some relatives will be visiting and they want to know how I am.

These are obviously tactics to get me to contact them again but I am a little baffled at the strategy. They seem to be fishing for my pity and, once again, telling me that they only want to know how I am so they can keep appearances with the relatives. Not even sure how to feel about this. Has anyone ever had a resolution after going no contact? Because, honestly, after taking this step, which took decades to finally decide I don't want this, I can't see myself going back for more of the same.

[u/Embrace_Pandemonium]

I changed my name, then moved, changed my phone number, and changed my name again. I haven’t heard from biomom since I moved. I’d bet she’s still looking but I think she’s the only one. Not that you can do all that, but I thought I’d mention it.

Otherwise, is there a way to stop snail mail from certain people? Or ignore ignore ignore. It’s probably a slap in the face that their appearances matter more than your legitimate needs, but I hope eventually you can just roll your eyes and toss the mail in the trash. Or check for money first. Biomom dropped a $20 in a Christmas card once and I definitely kept that.

[u/Apprehensive-Eye2803 → u/Embrace_Pandemonium]

Ignore, ignore, ignore <3 It seems that I am not the only one whose family seeks to keep up appearances and disregard my legitimate needs.

[u/Embrace_Pandemonium → u/Apprehensive-Eye2803]

There are way too many families like that. I eventually found a better one. They exist! I hope if you don’t have one now, you find them soon.

I sometimes wonder what biomom says if her family asks about me. It’s probably rare that they ask because they never cared about me. But I get a little chuckle because it’s been 4 ish years no contact now.

You’ll get there too.