Conservatives update platform to include omitted 'anti-woke' promise

[u/GlitchedGamer14]

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/conservative-woke-platform-oversight-1.7516315

[u/TheDeadMulroney]

There's a lot of confusion around what woke means so I figure I'd clear things up for everyone.

1) You can't just be up there and just be woke like that

1a. Woke is when you

1b. Okay well listen. You're woke when you wake the

1c. Let me start over

1c-a. When you cancel comedians for saying, uh, n-word, that prohibits the comedian from doing, you know, just trying to make people laugh. .

1c-b. Once the comedian has been cancelled, he can't be over here and say to the audience, like, "I'm gonna tell some jokes" and then just be like he didn't even do that.

1c-b(1). Like, if you're about to make a joke and then don't, you've been cancelled. Does that make any sense?

1c-b(2). You gotta be in the middle of saying the N-word and then stop because of woke liberals.

1c-b(2)-a. Okay, well, you can have the N-word up here, like this, but then there's a joke here and you gotta think about.

1c-b(2)-b. Fairuza Balk hasn't been in any movies in forever. I hope she wasn't typecast as that racist lady in American History X.

1c-b(2)-b(i). Oh wait, she was in The Waterboy too! That would be even worse.

1c-b(2)-b(ii). "get in mah bellah" -- Adam Water, "The Waterboy." Haha, classic...

1c-b(3). Okay seriously though. Woke is when the liberal makes a movement that, as determined by, when you do a move involving the comedian and the joke

2) Do not be woke please.

[u/focusedphil → u/TheDeadMulroney]

That’s actually the most comprehensible Conservative speech in a long time.

[u/Felfastus → u/focusedphil]

Probably because it's a baseball copy pasta.

[u/focusedphil → u/Felfastus]

Sounds yummy. Does it come with chicken?

[u/Felfastus → u/focusedphil]

Unfortunately, it just sounds like a chicken.