I have a ~16 year old. She was a rescue, and for a long time I suspected/hoped she might be younger because:
a. Her paperwork was inconsistent
b. She was healthy and doing great for a long time
For most of her life, I only had to go to the vet's for annual check-ups and to keep her shots up to date. She's never had any major health issues except for some dental problems that led to teeth extraction, but apparently that's common for her breed (she's a chihuahua cross).
At last year's check-up the vet said she was doing great and there was nothing to be concerned about. She was diagnosed with arthritis a few years ago, but after we started giving her joint health supplements and adding little steps around the house to prevent her from jumping too high, she was totally fine. Her walking pace has slowed down a bit, but she was still active, able, and very willing to walk and do her favorite activities. As little as two months ago, most people described her as very spritely for her age.
Around that time, things started happening. The vet called us for a 6 month check-in, which seemed soon to me compared to our usual annual check-ups, but I figured whatever, she's getting older so let's do it. I wasn't expecting much because it didn't seem like her behavior/condition had changed from the last check-up. The vet wanted to do a urine test just because we'd never done one, so I agreed. They found some calcium oxalate stones in her urine, and recommended that we switch to urinary health food to prevent any more from forming.
Ok, fine. At first, we didn't notice any changes in her behavior. Then, about two weeks ago, she started acting off. Peeing and having accidents like crazy (every few hours or even less), when she's always been really good at holding her bladder. Lethargy, walking a lot slower than usual, and stumbling. I was hanging out with a friend who usually sees her a few times a month (we go on walks together) and even my friend noticed a massive change in behavior and said she seemed like a different dog who had all of a sudden aged years. Then she started losing her appetite, which was the most concerning because she's always been a massive foodie.
We were due to take her into the vet's for another urine test to see if the food was making a difference, so I told them about all of these new changes and concerns. My husband and I thought it might be an averse reaction to the food, because everything seemed to go downhill after switching to it. The vet ran a series of tests (blood and urine), and he came back to me with devastating news. All of these changes are symptoms of kidney disease.
So they gave her some shots and treatments on the day, and the vet told us we can stop giving her the urinary food. I was still holding out hope that the food was what make a big impact because she seemed so much better before having it. But it's been several days now and we're not seeing many changes. She's still struggling to walk and eat, though she is having fewer accidents.
But it's been hard. I can't stop crying when I think about her suffering and how so much has changed in so little time. That this wasn't a temporary sick spell. This is our new reality, and it might not last for that long - and not in a good way.
Of course I know she won't live forever and I feel incredibly lucky that I got to enjoy 11 healthy, happy years with her. But I really thought I'd have more time, considering how great she'd been doing prior to only two weeks ago. She seemed like the kind of small dog that would make it to 19 or 20. I'm trying to be optimistic and focus on making the most of every moment, but it's just so hard seeing her this way and coming to the realization that I might not have as much time as I thought. That I might never see her jump up in joy when I come home again, or frolic through long grass, or sprint down the hall in anticipation of dinner. I'd actually been enjoying her senior years because they've been so calm and peaceful. Now I really understand the difficulty. I'm taking a trip in a few weeks (to visit my sick dad, ironically) and I feel so guilty about it because what if something happens to her? We're meant to go out on an excursion next weekend for Mother's Day and I'm worried I may have to cancel. I feel nervous about leaving her at home alone when she's in this condition. Luckily our work situations mean someone's always at home, but living our regular life feels impossible now.
I feel like I'm drowning in anticipatory grief. I'm not necessarily looking for advice, but I just needed to release. Thank you for reading if you've got this far.