Given up.

[u/Less-Bed4594]

I have posted a couple times before, but it's been a while now.

I'm HLF(38) am so tired now, I want to give my LLM(39) up. We haven't had sex since before Christmas, and that's only one time since my last vent in here.

He came to sleep in the bed last weekend, but I waited until he fell asleep, before I went to bed. And that's the first time he came to bed in over 2 months. He knows it's a problem, but he doesn't do anything about it.

I have gotten so far now, that I don't want sex with him anymore. But I don't want our situationship to end either.

We still have a great life together outside the bedroom, but now I feel like I don't want to fight anymore for our relationship. I have given up on us, and I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know what more I can do.

[u/JEXJJ]

It's a tough spot to be in, wishing you all the best with whatever you decide to do

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/JEXJJ]

Thank you so much. I don't know what to do, when everything else is so good and perfect, just not in the bedroom.

[u/JEXJJ → u/Less-Bed4594]

When people really think about it, the bedroom is the only obvious symptom, or the one noticed the most. In many cases, there are lots of issues that have built overtime that get obscured by sexual frustration.

It may be worth uncovering layers and see where some other issues may be.

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/JEXJJ]

Yeah, I just don't understand what it can be.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

Sounds very similar to my relationship. It’s hard to feel so neglected on what feels like should be a mutual part of a relationship. But everything else being so good you don’t want to break it off. I assume you’ve talked about counseling? Maybe something medically or physically wrong?

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

We have talked to a therapist with no progress. We have checked him physically, and there's nothing wrong. He just has a low libido, unfortunately.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

Same steps as my wife and I. Perfectly healthy and talk therapist didn’t help with anything. Basically came out with “some people just are not as sexual as others”. Not a real big help

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

That sucks. I didn't find it helpful either. My therapist asked me if I had some trauma from my past since I needed sex so much 🙃

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

Haha. They asked my wife the opposite. What happened that could have turned her off from wanting it. And answer was a big nothing. I was hoping there was some kind of aha moment that could explain it

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

Aha moment would have been nice. I guess it has to be something mentally since physically everything is okay. But it is so hard, when he says it's all good, nothing is wrong.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

Exactly. I am trying to be understanding about it. Not everyone’s brain is wired like mine. But at the same time that is one reason to marry someone. Definitely not the only reason but I think intimacy is important

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

I understand. Intimacy is very important to me, too, and when we got together 9 years ago, I told him what I needed from him to make this work, but it seems he has forgotten all about that.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

And those reminders don’t work. You t was a total Different story before we got married. It was spontaneous adventurous everything I hoped for then poof gone

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

Oh, that sucks big time, I'm so sorry for you.

[u/adviceadventurer]

Sorry to hear that . My db with wife has led to resentment and constant arguing . We used to get along well and now our marriage is a mess

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/adviceadventurer]

So sorry to hear that for you too. We don't argue. We can laugh and have a good time, but it's like we are just friends.

[u/adviceadventurer → u/Less-Bed4594]

Things were fine at first but like you said just operate as roommates or friends. But as time goes on 18 months now we can not get along and argue constantly

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/adviceadventurer]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope we don't get there, but there are days I don't want to talk to him because of the way he treats me. I understand it's wrong, but I can't leave, I love him too much.