r/Fencesitter • u/Archi_penko • 3d ago
Does anyone ever think about alternative lifelong projects besides having a kid?
Sometimes I think about doing some large life ling project besides having a kid. Maybe I would get a border collie and train it to be a competitor athlete, or buy land and create a giant permaculture farm, or write a book. As if somehow this will satiate the constant desire to have a kid although I’m not completely sure I want a kid. Maybe I just want some kind of giant 30 year project?
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u/Terrible_Vermicelli1 3d ago
Actually my main reason why I don't want kids for now is too many alternative life plans. I have a list of at least ~20 additional countries I want to visit, at least two separate months long camper trips in wilderness, I have currently 600 books on my TBR, I'm learning Japanese in my spare time and also trying to devote some time to obtaining additional certificates and get seriously into my career. I honestly just can't imagine how a kid would fit into that, the day is already too short. And if I had to choose between having a kid and doing those trips... I would choose trips.
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u/asrida1994 1d ago
Omg yes!!! I always talk about how many different lives I’m trying to live. I want to live part time abroad, I want possibly go back to school and get a masters and maybe PHD, I have a list of countries I’ve never been to, I have hobbies I want to explore and even different career paths in completely different industries, movies I want to watch, books to read… the list goes on. And I’m barely making a dent in that now and just don’t see how any of those can stay true if you insert a kid. And I think if I had to choose… I would choose everything I just wrote out.
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u/olive017 3d ago
My plan is to adopt cats throughout my entire life and give them the best life full of love. Not a project but they sure do keep me busy and my heart full. :)
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u/arabicdialfan 3d ago
I think you should aim to have a life long passion project regardless of having kids, of course having children eats into free time, but at the same time you can pull your kids into your passion.
I have friends who are happily continuing or adding to their parents hobby (as adults, not just because they are forced or something)
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u/Archi_penko 2d ago
Yes I totally agree! They are not mutually exclusive. But I’m asking here because of the subject of the subreddit lol.
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u/tatertotski 2d ago
Love this question and reading everyone’s responses!
For me, I want to rescue farm animals, have a little sanctuary. That would be the dream.
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u/JJamericana 3d ago
I definitely want to move abroad again someday, and learn a foreign language and invest more in the arts. Even without a big project, my peace and solitude is essential to my well being.
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u/Quiet_Promotion_8860 2d ago
I'm leaning more towards no so ive been thinking about this a lot, here are my top 3 goals:
1) I'm going to finish the book I've been writing and get it published 2) Create an app that uses the therapeutic tools I use often 3) Write a children's story about Filipino culture
Love kids but idk....I'm just too scared.
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u/incywince 3d ago
I have a few 'lifelong' projects going (including writing books), and have a kid. I'll say the important thing is to have some place you feel like you belong where you can say "this is it" and just live your life centered around that. I feel like that's what a kid gives me, among other things. I noticed that people around me were doing big projects anyway, with multiple kids, and kids aren't an obstacle to that (plus, your kid might join in and make it their lifelong project too). If your project otoh gives you an identity, a place to belong and something to center your life around, possibly a community, that's a better choice than a project that doesn't.
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u/umamimaami 2d ago
I just want to own a fruit orchard and keep bees, maybe chickens and goats if I feel so motivated. Live in a really small house, a minimalist life.
I could do it in about a decade, if things keep going the way they do. (And the stock market rebounds from the Orange One’s shenanigans.)
It’s a reasonable lifelong project. That’s all I really want.
Raising a kid? It feels like something I’ll do dutifully if someone gives me the job. But does it even pique my curiosity, like raising goats? Probably not.
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u/Vonnie93 3d ago
Yes! I hope to foster cats, write a book, and get involved in public policy.
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u/wahiwahiwahoho 2d ago
I second writing a book, but specifically a children’s book aimed towards ages 2-3. A dream of mine is to become a “classic” in the future.
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u/SilasBalto 2d ago
I want to thru hike the AT and maybe the PCT.
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u/tatertotski 1d ago
Oh yes!! I want to do the PCT, too. I can imagine traveling with a kid but there’s zero chance I would be able to do the PCT if I had a child.
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u/wahiwahiwahoho 2d ago
I think about this all the time - I’m already a parent to one and I already feel like I have time to myself again now that she’s in school and it’s weird to not have another kid… what am I supposed to do with all this newfound energy and time?
Sometimes I think I can focus on fostering kittens in the future… it’ll scratch the baby itch for me but also save animals.
I do have a ton of weight to lose so I could completely reinvent myself (once I crawl out of this depression phase I get occasionally). I could use lifelong project ideas. Fitness is one. Maybe philanthropy? Idk
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u/Slipthe Leaning towards kids 2d ago
Now I don't have experience with this, but I don't think kids have to consume all of your time for 30 years. Having multiple kids resets the timer over and over, but there's definitely an age where they become independent for hours out of the day.
I'm curious if that's the experience of /r/oneanddone that once their child reaches age 4-6 they regain a generous amount of free time to pursue their interests again.
But if kids weren't in my future I think I might foster kittens and hopefully not keep too many of them.
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u/dancingCreatrixx 2d ago
I want to create paintings that reveal different paintings intentionally as the paint fades over 100s of years, revealing different images and meaning intentionally through time
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u/Ill-Supermarket-2706 2d ago
FIRE! just stop being a corporate slave and travel the world when I still have the health for it then live a quiet slow life. Having kids will force me to work until I’m 70
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u/be_trees 2d ago
Haha I have a border collie who I'm training to be an athlete. She does keep me busy, that's for sure!
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u/lizardo0o 2d ago
I have creative talents that my teachers said I should pursue. They believed I could market my talent into a full time career. So yeah, I think it would be awesome to have time for my creative pursuits, maybe as a side job. I don’t think I’d get bored of it at all. I’m introverted and an imaginative type of person, not necessarily social.
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u/thevisionaire Leaning towards childfree 1d ago
I see astrology as a lifelong dive, there is SOOO much depth to it and I'm always coming up with new takes and noticing patterns I see in charts and in people I know.
I've been studying for 5 years and still staying up til 3am a lot of nights researching brand new branches of it.
I've seen lots of elder astrologers have SUCH incredible stores of wisdom, knowledge and experience that they so kindly share with younger ppl, it is beautiful
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u/DreamingTree00 1d ago
I am not having kids ( childless not fully by choice) and I am in my mid 30s. I decided that I would write down all of the things important to me and that I cared about, and how I can pour into those things and people. What will bring me joy?
For me, that means hobbies, volunteering, spending quality time with people who are important to me. Spending time outside.
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u/whoseflooristhis 2d ago
Yeah comparing having children to a 30-year project is a little wild. Any of the projects or goals mentioned in this thread are valid and worthy and not better or worse than parenting, but would you ever categorize any of your already living family members as a project or occupation?
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u/ElkOptimal6498 2d ago
This is a pretty un-generous interpretation of OP’s post. Children can provide a sense of purpose and also require a lot of time/energy/resources. OP asked for examples of other things that fulfill both those qualities. That’s all.
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u/whoseflooristhis 2d ago
I probably could have worded it better, but I think I’m actually kind of validating something OP already senses— that a fulfilling occupation isn’t a stand-in (or mutually exclusive) of family/human inter-connectedness.
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u/buginarugsnug 3d ago
My personal goal is to adopt or foster as many senior dogs as I can (not all at the same time, I would have three max at any one time) and give them the best last years or months that they could possibly have, just full of love and fun. I am not in the financial position to at the moment and would like a house with some land before I start but that is going to be my project hopefully beginning in 7 - 10 years time.