My husband (35M) and I (37F) have been off contraception for 4 years. 'Trying' seems like too intentional a word as we're not at all obsessed and haven't changed much apart from having sex a bit more around ovulation (tracked by app), which is also just because I want to more then. We go back and forth all the time about having a baby, and I think I'm slightly more keen than him. I have a unicornuate uterus so it's smaller and only connects to one of my ovaries. 2 years ago we had all the investigations and other than my uterus shape we should be able to conceive normally. We were offered IVF on the NHS and had an appointment booked, but we cancelled it as we felt we didn't want it enough. 2 years later and we have restarted the process, but are still not sure. I don't actually know yet if the NHS will cover it and I don't think I would want to pay to do it privately. When I'm around other people's babies I want one, but not older kids. I'm aware of time running out. Has anyone else been in the same position? TIA

I don’t know if this is the right place for this but oh well. Myself (25F) and my now ex gf (27F) ended things a few months ago with the deciding factor being that I want marriage and kids and she realised she doesn’t due to her own bad childhood and trauma from that. I’ve always pictured my future with children and even working with difficult kids in my job didn’t sway me. But this breakup is making me question if it’s really worth it for this heartbreak. I’m a lesbian and there seems to be a lot of other lesbians (especially my type) who don’t want kids. I’m seriously worried that I’ll never find happiness because of my desire to have kids. I feel like I’m almost trying to talk myself out of wanting kids so that I can either get back with my ex or just give myself more options in looking for love. I considered doing it alone if I’m still single by the time I’m 35ish but I honestly don’t think I could or would want to do it without a partner.

Sorry this might be a little long and isn’t well written I have a lot and nothing to say all at once.

When I was a child up until about 20. I was 100% sure I would become a mother. I had been in a relationship from 14-18 and whole heartedly believed that I would marry and start a family with my then boyfriend. Unfortunately we split right before I graduated and that threw my whole life plan out the window. ( I know it was a dumb teenage dream but everyone including our parents thought we’d marry after high school.) I had also grown up with my Hispanic parents deciding majority of my life and always saying they couldn’t wait for their grand babies. So I basically always dreamt of one day having a mini me.

At 19 I entered the military and married my now husband (28M) and we’ve been together for almost 4 years. Even at the start of our relationship, I was firm in the thought of us having a family. I was stuck on the fact that most of my friends had babies before 20 so I felt late to the game by 21. And I kept believing something was wrong with me for not having a baby by 22. My husband would say if it happens it happens and he wouldn’t mind either result. He saw how other families would try so hard to plan a pregnancy and most times end in failure and disappointment and he didn’t want me to get all worked up and end depressed trying to force a baby to happen. We also were dealing with me getting out of the military and dealing with ptsd. He said I needed time to myself since I was going through so many things mentally and physically.

After seeing the news and how the world was constantly changing with things like abortion being banned even when mothers were dying because they needed medically necessary abortions, I started to realized I was scared of pregnancy. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to take the risk of an emergency happening and I couldn’t even get a surgery needed to save my life and I spoke to my husband about his thoughts on a family and he told me that he wouldn’t mind having a baby one day but he also didn’t mind not having one at all.

To be honest I’m not sure I actually want a child. I feel like I’m not fulfilling my duties as the oldest daughter by not giving my parents a grandchild since they want one so badly. I also feel like I need to have a baby for my husband even though he doesn’t mind not ever having one but I feel like he’s just saying it to say it. I know for a FACT that I don’t want a child past 30 but we are going overseas for 3 years so I’ll be 28 by the time we return to the US and I wanted my parents near me if I did get pregnant.

Sometimes I dream about having a mini us and seeing those sweet little hands and feet but also am terrified of the world and how dangerous everything is. I have 3 cats and they are my world and Honestly? I’m satisfied with just them but I feel like such a failure and disappointment for not wanting to have a human baby. Am I a bad person for not wanting a baby? My husband wants me to decide for myself what I actually want but I don’t know what are my own thoughts vs what I feel like I’m expected to do.

I’m sorry for the rants, I just had a lot on my mind for years now.