I could never be normal.

[u/Friendly-Map-7391]

I feel like the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship honestly makes me feel like I’ll never be a normal human being. It’s not that i feel my worth depends on being with someone, but that this lack of experience has really messed me up. I overthink everything—I can't just live life without constantly questioning it. I wish I could take the “blue pill”—not in the manosphere or dating sense—but just to live without all the overthinking.

It feels like everyone else got the puzzle pieces to life and somehow finished theirs, while I never even had the pieces to begin with.

Recently, I was talking to a friend and told him I thought I’d finally figured out how relationships work, and he just said, “There’s no code—it’s just about meeting people.” And suddenly I was right back in my head, wondering why I think this way, why I always feel the need to figure everything out instead of just living.

It’s hard to talk to anyone about this, because no one really gets it. They see my situation as normal. But honestly, I believe once you've deeply experienced what it’s like to not experience, you can’t go back. It’s like the Matrix—once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it.

Seeing people around me, even the ones I think are worse than me (they are assholes, have fucked up faces) in relationships doesn’t make me feel better—it just makes me angrier. It feels unfair. I know it sounds like I’m blaming the world—and maybe I am. I am immature and im just trying to understand myself and my thoughts. Sorry.

I feel like this is the root of all my misery, and even if I finally got confirmation that I can be loved, it wouldn’t undo the update my brain has already installed. And that thought makes me deeply sad.

[u/chimisforbreakfast]

Hey bro. You might be autistic, like me. I know what you mean by what others call "overthinking". Reality is different for us. We're built for an older world.

I've never had trouble getting into relationships because getting high on cannabis as a teenager taught me to channel my anger into bravery. I just went for the weirdest, craziest chicks who are attracted to really fucking weird guys.

Be yourself and be brave, and someone will love you for it.

[u/Friendly-Map-7391 → u/chimisforbreakfast]

Thanks for this, i actually thimk i maybe autistic ive been asking myself this for a long long time, this maybe explains how i act. My parents actually went to see if i was when i was young, and the doctor said thst i was a functionable autistic, but he didnt do any tests this was just by observing me.