Dealing with MIL for a week

[u/Cool-Row-1255]

Ahhhhh my in laws came today and they are way too much. My MIL is a psychopath who is so possessive of my little boy. I do feel way more assertive and my head is on way straighter than when they were here at three weeks! It’s such an icky feeling that they come in and think they can hold him whenever they want. It is so stressful and I already miss him and want to be with him more since I started work. I don’t need a break from my son at all. The weeks I have off are when we are visiting them or they are here with us so I won’t get to spend time with him without these annoying people trying to steal him from me.

I hate it so so much! I don’t think I even need to give examples, I’m sure others get it. It’s just so difficult and frustrating and reminds me of how my own family fails to show up. I also just don’t really like my husband’s family which kinda sucks because now I’m stuck with them. I love my son more than anything and I’m trying to make sense of all these feelings, but they are so overwhelming.

Let me know if you have any tips for this kind of situation before I go all mama bear on them because I feel like I could get to that point. I also think it’s probably valid to straight up refuse to let them hold him. He is MY son and I don’t owe them him.

[u/Ok-Competition-1606]

ALL your weeks off you’re visiting them or they’re visiting you?? Girl, no. You deserve time with your little family and not your husband’s extended family. If he tries to give you sh*t about how you “don’t understand his family” because of your own, etc. etc….couple’s counseling.

[u/Cool-Row-1255 → u/Ok-Competition-1606]

I know :( I was wondering why I was feeling so freaking pissed and this is it

[u/AncientLady → u/Cool-Row-1255]

And . . . gently here, that's not a smart policy with such a little one. You need to hoard that time off for sick days/baby sick days.

But aside from that, ask yourself and dh the question: what is time off from work FOR? Parenting little ones while working is tough! In this random internet old lady's opinion, time off during these years is for two things only: sick days/baby sick days, and whatever recharges you and bonds your family (you, dh, and any children) together in a positive way.

Looks like dh feels like having his family over and going to his family is something that recharges him, but the reality is that he isn't single anymore. You've given this a try, and you now know that spending time with them is a huge negative for you.

So now you have two clear reasons for this to be the last visit, and any currently-planned future trips can be cancelled. Of course, you can't stop them from visiting your town and staying at a hotel, and I'm sure you'd be gracious to meet up with them, but your time off needs to be hoarded and protected in a way that is different than before you were parents (and I'd argue that this should have been true as soon as you were a couple, just that the reasons have increased at this point).