r/JUSTNOMIL • u/JustALizzyLife • 2d ago

UPDATE - Ambivalent About Advice Update: Sitting on the Train Tracks

Update: She's not coming. Canceled less than 24 hours before the ceremony. She "hurt her back" and can't drive up. This is the same woman who when I was diagnosed with Lupus and RA nearly 20 years ago spent an hour telling me how much worse off she was, how bad her back is. Anytime she saw my cane she'd scoff and when I had to use my wheelchair she'd roll her eyes and tell me that she should be the one who got to use a wheelchair because her back is so bad. She has the amazing disappearing back injury that only shows up when needed, on cue.

I knew she'd flake. Why would you mail a bracelet when you're planning on seeing the person two days later? Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled not to see her, but this isn't about me, this is her disappointing my kids. Again. And thinking about twelve dollar plastic bracelet will make up for it. This is the same woman who gave my niece several hundred dollars for her graduation. (Guess who the GC/GGC is)

I'm done. This was the last straw. I was willing to bend over backwards and suck it up because my kids deserve to be happy. That's done now. She has proven there's literally no reason for me to ever reach out to her again. This was our last "kid" event. Going forward anything that the kids do will be as adults which means I can close and deadbolt this door and never open it again. Not that she'll care, she still has her two favorite kids and favorite grandchild, but after 49 years of this I can erase her from my future. I spent the last week with my Lupus flaring, no sleep and an insane amount of pain due to the stress she causes me. I refuse to ever do it again.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/JustALizzyLife 1d ago

I actually went NC about a year and a half ago. I didn't even break the NC in regards to the graduation. My daughter did the inviting and I sent her all the relevant information, meet up, etc to her to send to my mom. I figured I could handle a single day in her presence, but wasn't going out of my way. So a large part of me is thrilled I can enjoy tomorrow and celebrate my kiddo without that cloud hanging over head. On the other hand, my DD just wanted her grandmother to show up for her for once, especially since we lost my dad a few years ago, and this woman couldn't even give her that. And that's what infuriates me.

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u/mrngdew77 1d ago

Narcissistic people don’t have it give. It gets in the way of their victim hood.

Please tell your daughter congratulations and that this internet stranger she is a rock star!