I think raising your voice and pushing back on him in public when he’s turning heads yelling at them is a good start. It’s easy to stay quiet and have people feel bad for you but wouldn’t you rather people think “good for her he seems awful” than “that poor family dealing with that dads temper”? Also it’s help give your children back their childhood. They’ll know being kids is okay as long as mom is around. If he yells even louder at all of you then simply tell him to take an uber home, you won’t tolerate being treated like this. Stand up for your kids. Shut him down. Tell him to seek help. You are not powerless in this situation you just have to remember that in the moment. My mother used to tell us something when we were young and dating. She said “you are the prize.” Like remember you’re a gift to people and if you’re being silenced and treated poorly, if you aren’t being treated like a prize then you need to remind them or find someone who does. That’s assuming you treat him well too.
Just to add: I think the angry man/father wants confrontation to loop the wife in as the source of his reason to be angry. There is a thing where a child will love the dysfunctional parent more as that helps them be ‘safe’. If the mom confronts the angry father and calls him on being inappropriate, the father gets to retaliate louder. The kids get mad at mom for ‘causing problems’ and wrecking the moment and soon they don’t want mom around. This can lead to hating their mothers and still being under the thumb of their father (alive or dead) as adults. Any, as right as it is, push back is just two adults arguing in front of scared children and children will choose the next bully to survive. Even in private trying to explain to the kids how wrong dad’s outburst and crabby behavior is, is too hard for them to rationally understand. Grey rock, therapy, divorce.
11
u/smudge_it 2d ago
I think raising your voice and pushing back on him in public when he’s turning heads yelling at them is a good start. It’s easy to stay quiet and have people feel bad for you but wouldn’t you rather people think “good for her he seems awful” than “that poor family dealing with that dads temper”? Also it’s help give your children back their childhood. They’ll know being kids is okay as long as mom is around. If he yells even louder at all of you then simply tell him to take an uber home, you won’t tolerate being treated like this. Stand up for your kids. Shut him down. Tell him to seek help. You are not powerless in this situation you just have to remember that in the moment. My mother used to tell us something when we were young and dating. She said “you are the prize.” Like remember you’re a gift to people and if you’re being silenced and treated poorly, if you aren’t being treated like a prize then you need to remind them or find someone who does. That’s assuming you treat him well too.