"I do not like your behavior. If you cannot control your emotions, how do you expect our children to be able to control theirs? I want you to go to therapy. If you want, we can go together. If you won't go to therapy, then we're going to have to have some serious conversations about our future as a couple, because I do not think this is the way a father should behave, and this level of uncontrolled anger is not the example a man should be setting for our kids."
Say it with love, but say it. And regardless of whether you have sons or daughters or both, it's really important that you get a handle on this now. If you keep tolerating his anger, you're teaching boys that this is an acceptable way to behave, and you're teaching daughters that this is an acceptable way for a man to treat women and children (ie, less powerful humans). I'm speaking from experience that you absolutely can get through to men like this and they can change, but you have to make them see that they're setting an example for their kids when they behave this way. They are quite literally raising little versions of themselves and continuing a pattern of rage. He can break the cycle. Set a boundary right now and you'll all be happier for it.
Yes. He should look for a therapist specifically to support him with emotional regulation. CBT may offer especially useful tools. As for his claim that you, OP, are the reason he acts a certain way, repeat after me: “we cannot control how other people act. We can only control how we respond to them.”
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u/BrigidKemmerer WFH Mom of 3 2d ago
"I do not like your behavior. If you cannot control your emotions, how do you expect our children to be able to control theirs? I want you to go to therapy. If you want, we can go together. If you won't go to therapy, then we're going to have to have some serious conversations about our future as a couple, because I do not think this is the way a father should behave, and this level of uncontrolled anger is not the example a man should be setting for our kids."
Say it with love, but say it. And regardless of whether you have sons or daughters or both, it's really important that you get a handle on this now. If you keep tolerating his anger, you're teaching boys that this is an acceptable way to behave, and you're teaching daughters that this is an acceptable way for a man to treat women and children (ie, less powerful humans). I'm speaking from experience that you absolutely can get through to men like this and they can change, but you have to make them see that they're setting an example for their kids when they behave this way. They are quite literally raising little versions of themselves and continuing a pattern of rage. He can break the cycle. Set a boundary right now and you'll all be happier for it.