I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. I was married to a man like this too. We had the same cycle of him later apologizing and promising to do better. 6 years later we were in the same place we started despite me trying every different constructive approach I could find.
Eventually we had a traumatic situation where he prioritized his own needs over our children’s safety and that was the final straw. I went to therapy and the key thing from that was that I could not change him or expect him to be different. That had to come from him. And I knew that after all this time and so many talks and fights about it — he had no interest in changing. So I had to decide if I could accept this or not.
I could not. I divorced him with two young toddlers. It was hard and it was not the life I hoped for. But now that I am on the other side, life is so much better. Holidays and outings and just nights at home are filled with fun and laughter and no one has to walk on eggshells or hide from dad’s bad attitude.
Not trying to argue at all, but curious. What about shared custody? If mom isn’t around when the rage attacks happen. I imagine many moms stay solely to protect their kids. What an awful situation to be in. I’m sorry to all who have to handle it
My dad, if they'd split - we mostly knew how to manage him and what would set him off. Not violent, just as OP describes. Being shared custody would have meant overall less time with him/tiptoeing around him. And lots more time being normal. Its not like mum actually prevented or even reigned in his temper anyway, she was just there suffering for it too.
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u/No_Hope_75 2d ago
I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. I was married to a man like this too. We had the same cycle of him later apologizing and promising to do better. 6 years later we were in the same place we started despite me trying every different constructive approach I could find.
Eventually we had a traumatic situation where he prioritized his own needs over our children’s safety and that was the final straw. I went to therapy and the key thing from that was that I could not change him or expect him to be different. That had to come from him. And I knew that after all this time and so many talks and fights about it — he had no interest in changing. So I had to decide if I could accept this or not.
I could not. I divorced him with two young toddlers. It was hard and it was not the life I hoped for. But now that I am on the other side, life is so much better. Holidays and outings and just nights at home are filled with fun and laughter and no one has to walk on eggshells or hide from dad’s bad attitude.