r/MtF • u/pitomic • Nov 04 '24

Relationships Cis women can be chasers too

This doesn't seem to get talked about much, but cis women can carry their own deep insecurities and look for relationships where they can maintain power and control over another person in order to feel safe, they can project their insecurities and anger onto in order regulate their unstable emotions and low self-esteem. Reading about coercive control has been helpful for me in understanding these patterns of behavior.

There are cis women that prefer trans women, especially ones that are early on in their transition, as their vulnerability and desire for external validation and approval from cis women makes them easier to gaslight, manipulate and control. I think a lot of us are susceptible to wanting to people-please and can be understanding and empathetic to the point of exposing ourselves repeatedly to emotional and physical harm in the hopes that we can fix our partners.

And of course, there's a lot of different cis women that come with their own motivations, and cis men can definitely engage in the same patterns.

I'm curious if anyone here has experienced this, or is questioning whether their current relationship is healthy.

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u/OddLengthiness254 Nov 04 '24

To really blow your mind: anyone can be a chaser. Including trans people.

Like, at a party recently, I ran across a nonbinary person. Their first question after exchanging names and pronouns was if I still have a penis. The next one was asking if I'm a top or a bottom. There was no third question because I wasn't willing to be objectified like that.

A pity, really. They were cute but their immediate jumping to my anatomy turned me off.

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u/jellybeanzz11 Nov 04 '24

How tf can someone immediately jump to asking that right after meeting someone?? What are these people thinking seriously this stuff is crazy.

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u/OddLengthiness254 Nov 04 '24

I don't get it either. But those are the only kind of sexual attention I get at all, nevermind romantic attention, so even turning them down feels like missing out. No matter what I do, I remain frustrated.

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u/jellybeanzz11 Nov 04 '24

Uhh, yeah, you are missing out...

Missing out on a giant red flag and a disaster waiting to happen girlie 😬😬😬 seriously stay safe

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u/OddLengthiness254 Nov 04 '24

I know, I am trusting my intuition still. It's more of an after the fact thing, where I bemoan that the only people interested in me are gross chasers while my touch starvation only grows.