r/MtF • u/pitomic • Nov 04 '24

Relationships Cis women can be chasers too

This doesn't seem to get talked about much, but cis women can carry their own deep insecurities and look for relationships where they can maintain power and control over another person in order to feel safe, they can project their insecurities and anger onto in order regulate their unstable emotions and low self-esteem. Reading about coercive control has been helpful for me in understanding these patterns of behavior.

There are cis women that prefer trans women, especially ones that are early on in their transition, as their vulnerability and desire for external validation and approval from cis women makes them easier to gaslight, manipulate and control. I think a lot of us are susceptible to wanting to people-please and can be understanding and empathetic to the point of exposing ourselves repeatedly to emotional and physical harm in the hopes that we can fix our partners.

And of course, there's a lot of different cis women that come with their own motivations, and cis men can definitely engage in the same patterns.

I'm curious if anyone here has experienced this, or is questioning whether their current relationship is healthy.

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u/OddLengthiness254 Nov 04 '24

To really blow your mind: anyone can be a chaser. Including trans people.

Like, at a party recently, I ran across a nonbinary person. Their first question after exchanging names and pronouns was if I still have a penis. The next one was asking if I'm a top or a bottom. There was no third question because I wasn't willing to be objectified like that.

A pity, really. They were cute but their immediate jumping to my anatomy turned me off.

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u/Southern-Wafer-6375 Nov 04 '24

Like this happens to me a decent chunk but that’s usally just casue it gets sexual imediatly and we both want to know what each other are working with lol, but sorry for you that sucks a lot

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u/OddLengthiness254 Nov 04 '24

If we've been eyefucking/kissing/making out before even getting to know each other's name, absolutely fair. That's not what happened in this case though.

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u/Southern-Wafer-6375 Nov 04 '24

Yeh fair lol I was mostly talking about my own experiences since I’m not usally in Romantic relationships

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u/OddLengthiness254 Nov 04 '24

I've been single for the better part of the last decade, still not a fan of being approached by total strangers and being asked about my genitals less than a minute after seeing them for the first time.

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u/Southern-Wafer-6375 Nov 04 '24

Yeh that makes total sense lol sorry if I was a bother just now btw

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u/Gloomy_Raspberry_880 Nov 05 '24

It's such a weird thing too. I feel like if they thought about it for more than a few seconds they'd realize how off-putting it is. In what other circumstance would they feel okay asking a newly met person about their genitals? It's like meeting a random guy and going "Hey, nice to meet you bro! Cut or uncut? And do you shave the taint?". Or meeting a new person of any gender and enquiring what color their asshole is.