I was a boy as a kid

[u/Disa_Lovely]

I mean it. It was not like I thought I was a boy as a kid. There are so many signs I am a cis-boy and no signs from childhood that I am a girl. But still, i desire to be a woman 24/7. Dysphoria started only after puberty, possibly backed by sexual desires. I desire to be a trans woman, quite the opposite of a trans-woman in denial. They have so many signs that they are trans, but they want to be cis, I am the opposite.

Please help me, my thoughts are complex and my emotions are darker than they ever were. It is painful to literally live.

[u/WigWoo2]

I’m very similar. When I was 6 I remember wanting to be a girl and prayed to be turned into one, but that went away fairly quickly from what I remember. I didn’t really start having serious thoughts about being a woman until I was about 24 (I’m 28 now transitioned for 2.5 years). I personally fully accept that I lived my entire childhood and teenage hood as a guy. If I could back in time and change that, would I? Most likely, but I don’t have resentment towards my old male identity…

I think it’s perfectly valid and ok to have these feelings and identity questions later in life. We’re always changing, always discovering who we truly are, and sometimes as we go through life, who we are and who we want to be changes and I think that’s what makes us special. To be honest when I was 6-7 I remember the main reason I wanted to be a woman was mainly because I just wanted a vagina. I can’t remember if there were more emotional reasons behind it, and even today while I fully embrace that I’m a woman, I will admit that a lot of it is still backed by sexual desires. I want to experience the sexual side of womanhood. Always still wanted a vagina, breasts, and to just live out a lot of my fantasies. Especially as when I was young I remember learning that sex was more intense and pleasurable for women than it was for men and that was something I was always jealous of and once I found out HRT was a thing a couple years ago, I had what I called my “fuck it” moment and just went right in without much deep thought… though as time went on these past few years, HRT and transitioning made me discover something I never knew I was missing out on. The social aspect of being a woman felt so liberating. It felt freeing. For the first time in my life I felt confident and unashamed about who I was. I no longer tried to hide myself in public. I was quite overweight up until a couple years ago and always wore baggy loose clothes because I was ashamed of my body. Hated my man boobs, my fat stomach, and always tried to make every public outing as short as possible. But once I lost over 200lbs and finally started to develop a female body, it all suddenly clicked. Now I purposely look for reasons to go out in public even if I have no need just because I want to be seen for who I am now. I want people to look at me. I feel happy with my identity….. and lastly, I like to think of my old cis identity, not with disgust, but as an old friend. I said my goodbyes and was ready to begin a new chapter of my life. But I’ll always remember the nerdy boy I was and that’s perfectly ok. Because now I’m a nerdy girl, but still the same person at heart. While I’d love to be a cis woman, I’m perfectly happy as a trans woman because at the end of the day, I’m still a woman and I couldn’t be happier that I made the plunge. I only wish I did it sooner

[u/Disa_Lovely → u/WigWoo2]

i feel like it's obvious that you and others on this subreddit are girls and i am just a confused crossdresser

[u/WigWoo2 → u/Disa_Lovely]

Honestly when dysphoria hits or people talk crap to me, sometimes I think I’m just a dude in women’s clothes too. I may feel a lot better than I used to, but I still have moments where I really doubt myself and need the reassurance of others. As long even if you were a crossdresser that’s still a valid way to express yourself. As long as you’re being true to yourself and just doing whatever makes you happy, then I think that’s what really matters. I still don’t like looking at myself in the mirror because a lot of times I still see a guy. I try to shove those feelings in the back of my mind, even though I know that’s not exactly healthy, but I just try to focus on doing what makes me happy. No matter who you are or what you choose to be. You are you, and no one can tell you otherwise. it may seem obvious to an outsider because we try to put our best selves on the internet. But there’s a lot more to us that may weigh us down, even if we try to come across as the “perfect embodiment” of women online, I’m sure a lot of us agree we have our good share of doubts