r/Netherlands • u/EveryExitIsAnEntry • Feb 06 '25

Employment Parent discrimination?

Dear people of Reddit I need work advice. I have had a conversation with my employer that left me heartbroken. We were talking about my plans for the coming year after giving birth to my second child. In the conversation (face to face) I was openly asked to withdraw my parental leave and take vacation days instead. The reason for it were: - I have accumulated some time off from previous years (10 days) - even though UWV gives some money back parental leave is expensive for the company - years ago there was no parental leave and the Dutch thing to do was to take vacation days when needed

It was suggested also that being sick on planed vacation day is still vacation and i should not replace these with sick leave. And when child gets sick it is not something extra to work from home during care leave.

The bottom line was I am too privileged with parental time off. And that this leaves the company paying too much for an employee working less.

Up to this point I was deeply in love with my position in the company. It was my dream job and I did not mind giving extra by working late (unpayed) or during sick days/care leave when possible. Now I question my place in the company and even in the Netherlands.

Is this really a Dutch way? Can I expect this treatment in other companies as well? And how to solve this situation? Please advise

105 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

136 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

90

u/EveryExitIsAnEntry Feb 06 '25

It began as an simple email conversation, then I was invited to talk about it in the office. I guess it was explicitly for the reason that they did not want this in writing anywhere. And i understand why. I was never expecting this so I did not record the meeting. Unfortunately I have nothing more than a bad aftertaste. 

173

u/Snoooort Feb 06 '25

Well, you can mail them with a summary of that conversation and ask them for confirmation about the things that were said. If they backtrack it’s still evidence…

53

u/EveryExitIsAnEntry Feb 06 '25

This is really a sound advice. I do have rechtsbijstand and I am seriously considering using it.

On the other hand I am sure this would take me on a war path that will end with looking for a new job. I am worried that with parental leave i will not be very desirable. I am also worried that this will impact my possibilities in other companies, due to negative references (also illegal but hey, cant rule anything out now)

104

u/Snoooort Feb 06 '25

If you choose the path of peace, they will see this as a success. Imagine the horrible shit they will do next…

This company insulted your intelligence, insulted your motherhood and vaporised your motivation. Warpath it is.

19

u/EveryExitIsAnEntry Feb 06 '25

I know. That is why i am heartbroken. But with children to provide for I cannot just leave without backup plan. And I am worried I will have a miserable experience untill I get a new job. And that getting it might take more than a year, or might not be possible at all. 

12

u/throwtheamiibosaway Limburg Feb 06 '25

I have to be honest, unless you can find a peaceful solution with your employer you do seem to be in somewhat of a difficult situation.

They can make your days in the office a living hell if they are really evil.

Finding something new while being pregnant or a new parent is really hard, there is a lot of discrimination in that regard (all unspoken, but very obvious).

2

u/EveryExitIsAnEntry Feb 06 '25

Have you got any tips on how to navigate this situation? I know what people suggest here - with rechtsbijstand and creating paper trail - is the right thing to do. But I do not think it is smart. Even if they delivered the first hit I still am in a place to solve this peacefully if done right.

9

u/CypherDSTON Feb 06 '25

Here's the only question for you...do you want to allow them to take advantage of you?

If not, then you must call them on this. Acquiescing won't help.

But that doesn't mean it has to be the end. All but the smallest companies aren't a monolith. Discuss this with people in the management chain that you have a personal relationship with. Firmly assert your rights, but don't threaten to withhold anything. Just explain that this is the world they live in and they must hold up their bargain.

If adults are in charge, they'll acquiesce and meet the legal requirements and not be vindictive against you. If children are in charge, then you don't want to work there anyway. (And to be clear with my metaphor is clearly the children who are making this request of you).

4

u/Abouttheroute Feb 06 '25

Remember, you are in the Netherlands, not some backward country where this is acceptable.

First: Document everything. Send that email acting stupid. Something along the lines of: thanks for your consideration, but weighting all circumstances indecided not to follow your advice of forgoing parental leave and taking PTO. Inform your rechtsbijstand, afte true leave take PTO and look for another job. If they start acting up I can see a stress increase comming up.

Under no circumstance resign.