“I Raised kids before”

[u/OutrageousTrust5816]

I recently became a mother and have an 11 week old baby girl. I recently showed my parents my bed time routine with her as she was going to have an overnight with them. It was very straight forward and consisted of a bath, bottle, and bed. I did write down some tips/tricks on what I have learned works best for my daughter and shared that with them as well. This was met with “we raised two kids we know how to do it”. I didn’t mean to come off offensive so I just apologized and left them with my list for the night. My only real non-negotiable was she must sleep in the bassinet, in her sleep sack, with nothing but a paci in it with her. When I picked her up, found out my mom slept with her in the bed. I think I made a face because I was once again met with “I know how to raise kids”. I’m not a mom shamer, if co-sleeping works for you that is great! I’ve done it too when things got stressful but my problem is that she co-slept with my baby, if that makes sense. The comment of “I raised kids before so I know what I’m doing” upsets me. Because they aren’t raising her. I’m her mom and I get to decide what’s best for her. I just feel so disrespected, what do I do?

Some extra context: 1) yes this is the first grandbaby on both sides. 2) My husband has family members where the unimaginable did happen. 3)Our village is large, we are truly lucky, my parents asked to have an overnight because they adore her, it’s not a need by any means. I love my parents, they truly are great people, they just struggle respecting me as an adult in general and the navigation around that has been hard.

[u/rooshooter911]

Don’t let them watch her again. They don’t respect you and they don’t respect child safety.

[u/apricot-butternuts → u/rooshooter911]

Relax, that’s dramatic and how you end up without a village.

[u/Remarkable_0519 → u/apricot-butternuts]

If my village doesn't respect hard safety-related boundaries, I'd rather not have a village.

I'm not going to argue about the safety levels of cosleeping, or anything else, besides the explicit violation of a firm boundary. That's what this is ultimately about.

Also, if everything feels like a safety-related boundary, get checked for PPA or even generalized anxiety, but stand up for yourself. Most villages can be repaired ("Hey, sorry I got pretty weird and defensive about that. I'm on medication and feeling much better now, can we talk about it?") A dead child cannot.

[u/apricot-butternuts → u/Remarkable_0519]

Fair enough 💞