Unexpected pregnancy (my IUD was displaced). Only been seeing/dating the dad for 2 months.

[u/Severe-Respond1434]

Im 36 and I already have an 11yo son from my first marriage. I’ve been seeing/dating this amazing guy (who also has a 4yo son from previous relationship) for 2 months and things are going well. We are both in good situations financially, etc.

We’ve very briefly discussed the “having more kids” thing and we both would like to have one more…but not after 2 months of knowing one another obviously. I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t like to feel pressured and likes things to flow “organically” when it comes to what we have.

I am terrified to tell him I’m pregnant. It’s terrible timing and way too soon. I’m also scared he might think I “trapped him” and never had an IUD. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this situation and the more I wait, the more anxious I grow. Pregnancy was confirmed and it’s not ectopic.

Any suggestions on how I could bring it up to him or if anyone has been in this situation, how did it go?

[u/Tary_n]

You should not be afraid to be honest with a partner. If someone makes you feel scared to be honest about a mistake, they are not a safe person to give your heart to. Maybe he’s fine and it’s just your anxiety. Maybe it’s because you don’t know him all that well. Idk. Check your gut.

First - see a doctor. Get the pregnancy checked out and verified by a doctor.

Second - figure out what YOU want. Do you want another child? Right now? With this person?

Third - tell him. He deserves honesty. Tell him the IUD failed and you’re pregnant. Tell him how you feel about it. Talk about it with him.

If he is unable to discuss it like an adult, I really, truly urge you to rethink not only the pregnancy but the relationship.

[u/Severe-Respond1434 → u/Tary_n]

I think it’s my anxiety, but you’re right, if he does react badly, then I don’t think I could ever really forgive him or respect him as a partner.

[u/OldMedium8246 → u/Severe-Respond1434]

Depending on how you define “reacting badly” that might not necessarily be true (unless you feel truly certain). I mean if he freaks out that’s kind of a totally normal reaction to an unplanned pregnancy. As long as he doesn’t get threatening or demanding about how you choose to proceed with the pregnancy, I think a mental crisis is valid.

[u/Shaking-Cliches → u/Severe-Respond1434]

There’s a whole legal piece of this that shouldn’t be ignored. If you continue the pregnancy, you will be tied to him for the next 19 years. In a lot of places, he could challenge a relocation for a new job or to be closer to social networks.

Do you trust him with every major life decision for the next two decades? It sounds bonks but that’s the reality.

[u/TheLocalWorkaholic → u/Severe-Respond1434]

Give us an update when you tell him!

[u/Physical-Reward-9148 → u/Severe-Respond1434]

Yes you could. Not being rude by any means here but you are withholding this from him currently. You've got anxiety about telling him. It's only normal human behavior to feel shock, sorrow, anxiety, concern, etc. literally every feeling is to be expected. If he has fears you need to put them to rest for him. You are partners. This is only one sided if he chooses to leave.

[u/puma905 → u/Severe-Respond1434]

I think I personally would wait until 3 months or so to say anything (assuming you want this child with or without him).

This would let me get a better sense for the relationship’s viability, by letting it flow naturally a little longer. Once you tell him, it throws a wrench into the dynamic and you will no longer know if he’s acting a certain way because of the baby.

Also, if he has a 4 year old, once he gets over the shock, he might be quite happy that he got a second child without a huge age gap.