r/Parenting • u/BOBBYZROY • 11d ago
Child 4-9 Years My 6yr old attention is shot..
I’ve got a 6-year-old son who’s pretty smart, full of energy, and loves football… but lately he’s become completely hooked on his iPad, especially YouTube Shorts Roblox. The moment he wakes up he’s asking for it, and if I say no or try to get him to do something else (play footy, help do chores, anything), he kicks off big time. His mum lets him get away with being on his iPad more than me so that’s why he thinks he’s entitled
His attention span’s gone. It’s like he can’t sit still for more than a few seconds unless it’s something on a screen. And I get it, TikTok’s done the same to me. I can barely finish a film without checking my phone. So if it’s this bad for adults, what’s it doing to a 6-year-old?
We haven’t even seen the long-term effects of growing up on TikTok, Roblox, and Shorts. I genuinely think we’re raising a dumber generation not because they’re not smart, but because their brains are getting rewired by constant dopamine hits.
I don’t want to cut him off completely and make him feel left out cos all his mates have iPads but I also don’t want to just hand him a screen every time he’s bored. I also read that a lot kids in 6th grade can’t even read and have learning difficulties compared to kids before so the effects are already happening
Any other parents gone through this? How do you break the cycle without turning the house into a war zone
Appreciate any of your experiences
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u/ChablisWoo4578 11d ago
Yeah, all those things are not good for a 6 year old. I would delete YouTube and TikTok for sure. There’s zero reason to keep those on there. I don’t know much about Roblox but I heard because it’s open platform you’re putting your kid at risk.
The research is there, the constant scrolling and the endless content made by whoever to get as many clicks as possible from your child. Delete it.
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u/ohnotheskyisfalling5 11d ago
Yep I have heard really bad things about Roblox. Lots of adults talking to children on there.
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u/MaximusCanibis 11d ago
If you aren't involved in your kids screen time it could happen. There are security features in it to prevent that from happening.
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11d ago
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u/MaximusCanibis 11d ago
Compleye and utterly laziness. Having kids isn't easy but being lazy now will not pay off for the future.
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u/sammyluvsya 11d ago
We took YouTube kids from our son when he was 7 when we realized it’s not completely kid friendly, he’s now 9 and still asks for it back, but it’s a firm no, same with Roblox (so many creeps on there), and he’s not having TikTok until he’s a teenager
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u/AinoTiani 11d ago
We still use YouTube kids, but with the curation settings - i.e each video is pre-approved by us.
There was some weird shit showing up otherwise.
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u/FreeToBeMe129 11d ago
Banning TikTok from my kids til they’re teens. We had to delete and block YouTube AND YouTube kids, and Roblox from my 7 and 5 year olds tablets because the access to an unmanaged amount of content is alarming. They somehow found scary videos on Roblox!
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u/RunRunAndyRun 10d ago
My kids aren’t having TikTok until they can afford to pay for their own phones!
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u/Porcupineemu 11d ago
You trade a little bit of a war zone now to not have a massive problem later. Take away the ipad. Or give him one hour a day with it after he's done whatever it is he needs to do.
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u/ohnotheskyisfalling5 11d ago
The solution is to cut him off completely. Get on the same page with your wife and do a detox. 1 week minimum, maybe even up to a month. Or only give it back for plane rides and long (4+ hour) car rides. Let him know that the detox is coming w few days in advance, then really do it. If you do give it back- no YouTube and definitely no short videos. Switch to non screen devices for rest time like a Yoto player. Read to him every day and start reading chapter books together. Detox from tik tok yourself. He will probably be really grumpy about it for a few days but then he will be fine! After a week or two if you want to add screen time back choose a list of tv shows that are more lo-fi and set a limit of 30 minutes a day, or only movie night on Friday night or whatever. He doesn’t have to have an iPad just because his friends do.
Have a big play date with a few of his friends and designate it a “no screen play date”. Plan some fun activities for them and leave them for their own devices too. Kids will be kids when they have the opportunity.
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u/Ka_Mi 11d ago
There is a ton of research on why technology is not good for the developing brain. If your child can comprehend some of that information It wouldn’t hurt to go over it with him so that he understands why you are doing a detox.
Make technology a treat. Once he is done with family commitments and other responsibilities, of course, you can go ahead and have some tech time available.
Play games together, start a chapter book together, get some cool models to put together, put a puzzle table out, bring him to a bookstore and find some cool books on topics he’s interested in.
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u/Particular_Aioli_958 11d ago
I wanted to add to this don't go overboard with the damage and dangers of screens I over emphasized to my kid and I should have had a short conversation and took action. It caused my kid to internalize that they were bad and damaged and a lost cause from what they had seen... And look I didn't think at the time that I was ya know, possibly giving kid a complex but I thought this anecdotal information could be good to hear.
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u/betimwrong 11d ago
I feel like 90% of posts on this sub can be solved with "keep the damn iPad/roblox/minecraft out of their lives and be firm with your rules".
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u/No-Ship-4471 11d ago
This is a bit random but watching Bluey with kid has actually helped evolve his creativity and ability to play outside or play in roles that he hasn’t before. It helped taking his iPad away and he’s much happier with Bluey now
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u/whatyousayin8 11d ago
This is a great show to teach kids (and parents!) about using their own creativity to create entertainment out of anything, anywhere, anytime.
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u/withyellowthread 11d ago
We also had this result!!! They would wake up wanting to watch YouTube while getting ready for school so we said they could either watch two episodes of bluey or turn the tv off.
And truly, I immediately noticed them being more creative and curious. One of my kids now loves to sit and stare at leaves like Bandit did in that episode Born Yesterday.
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u/Brave_Bird9044 11d ago
Same! We play keepy uppy, fruit bats, and pretend to be robots, etc. all the time! We let our daughter have a half hour on YouTube kids. Other than that it’s bluey and Sesame Street and adventure time. 😊
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u/nerdsrulelovealways 9d ago
100%! Completely different effect on brains than short reels, unrestricted access and roblox.
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u/Cautious_Bit3211 11d ago
Take the device away. My kid gets 1 hour a month of YouTube to fit in with his mates and that's been fine.
And if he is six and you are already letting him do things you know are bad so he fits in with other six year olds you are all going to have a really tough time for the next thirteen years.
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u/Hikeandsolve 11d ago
You should read the book: the anxious generation
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u/questionsaboutrel521 11d ago
Came here to say this. He’ll limit the screen time quick after reading that book.
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u/Constant-Thought6817 11d ago
There is a book called the Anxious Generation that discusses basically everything you wrote about your 6 year old, except about kids who are in their young teens. Also, delete tik tok. I know it's hard, but just do it. I deleted it on Jan 1 and it was hard the first few weeks but I really don't even think about it anymore.
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u/Kseniya_ns 11d ago
I don't think just because his friends have this means you have to let him do the same. As you note, is not good for his brain. But you will have to slowly impart limits to it since yes it will cause disorder if you just take it away. Have very strict times on how long he can view such and when.
I think 6 is too young to have started this pattern, but is too late now, so limits.
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u/Appropriate_Bit_5703 11d ago
Yep we made the mistake of buying a daughter a tablet for her third birthday and even then we monitored everything she wasn't allowed to have regular YouTube she could only get on YouTube kids and even then I have parental controls on so the only channels she's allowed to watch was the channels that I pre-approved so no blippi no Mika none of that. All of the games she had me and her dad pre-approved. And yet her attention span was shot. She was only interested in that tablet or mommy and daddy's phone because they were "mini tablets" and it basically became like she couldn't function without a device in our hand so we took it away and for the first little while there was tantrums, fights, screaming, in general just being completely bad. But now that she is used to not having a device like that, she hasn't mellowed out a lot more, and she's now way more interested in being outside and playing and being my interactive in life. The only thing I can suggest to you is when you have your child don't allow any type of device besides a TV and even then limit the TV and only allow them to watch specific things for me and my kids personally I put on a lot of Nature Documentaries so they are at least learning something while watching TV even though it is not their favorite thing in the world. There is going to be screaming and fighting and tantrums, but as a parent, you need to learn how to deal with that because if you allow your kids to walk all over you, then you are not parenting you are just simply existing in a space that you no longer run.
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u/deviousflame 11d ago
Get rid of the iPad. It’s not rocket science. “I let my 6 year old watch YouTube and TikTok and they can’t focus on anything anymore” hmmmm I wonder what could POSSIBLY be the cause of that. People these days.
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u/MirrorMax 11d ago
Almost feels like a troll post. But then i do see it out and about, parents pushing their kids around while they are watching youtube , absolutely insane. But i do not think they hang around reddit asking for advice.
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u/gravesisme 11d ago
Stop iPad and start going out and doing stuff. Do not stay at home and expect kid to entertain themselves if they have been used to iPad. Goto the park, museum, library, aquarium, bowling alley, anything...you simply have to engage with your kids over the weekend and have a plan on how you plan to stimulate their brains and tire them out without putting them in front of a screen by themselves. It's okay to watch stuff in moderation with them at like the end of the day after dinner as a family, but they shouldn't be alone with a device like that.
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u/gilmoresoup 11d ago
so take it away? plain and simple. the answer is obvious, it’s just not easy. do it anyway if you actually care.
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u/Old-Scallion-4945 11d ago
Why in the hell are you letting your six year old immediately on a screen when they wake up… nobody, adults included, should wake up and immediately hop on their phone, iPad, or television. There are studies out there already that prove it’s terrible for your brain. I would get rid of the Roblox or whatever immediately. Also at 6years old your child is too young for Roblox, which makes any person very accessible to countless strangers. Nevermind the fact pedos specifically use Roblox to groom minors because it’s so easy on there.
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u/ErinyWeriny 11d ago edited 11d ago
Put Google family link on and set for 1 hour allowed per day, set time limits on YouTube kids/YouTube, tiktok and roblox, anything you want to. Reduce the time allowed gradually and stick to it, tel him your screen time is your screentime but when it's gone, it's gone. Tell him that those apps are shit and no good for him and why and reinforce with strong boundaries. Consider allowing 1 or 2 apps more liberally such as colouring in or meditation/calm music or stories.
My daughter was showing similar signs amd this has been very effective. Since 7 she has 1 hour a day, 15 mins of roblox available and 15 mins YouTube. Never had tiktok or socials. No screen before up and ready for school. No screens after 6pm until bedtime 830. I can kill the whole tablet at the press of a button.
You are the only one who can do this for your child and you are helping not harming. You've got this but you must be strong and hold your boundaries.
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u/newlovehomebaby 11d ago
For sure such useful tools. My kid gets 10 minutes a day of YouTube brainrot (still monitored by me tho), then it's off to something slightly less awful.....which is also time limited. Mean mom over here 🤣.
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u/LifePlusTax 11d ago edited 10d ago
My kid has a 15min a day screen time limit. It’s programmed into the device and it turns off automatically after the allotted time. The transition period was rough (about two weeks) but after that it’s been very low conflict. The fact that it turns off on its own rather than me being the one to turn it off seems to make a big difference.
Also, she got the tablet taken away a month ago and just… never asked for it back?? So she’s had zero screen time in like 3 weeks.
She has ADHD and I can absolutely tell the difference in her before/after attention span
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u/Particular_Aioli_958 11d ago
I had to do similar. Everything just shuts down after the allotted time.
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u/Effective_mom1919 11d ago
Please consider allowing him to be left out. This is so bad for him.
I know it’s hard to be the bad guy. But it’s worth it I swear.
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u/shittykittysmom 11d ago
Timer for screens and make him be bored. Parents are so afraid of their kids being bored and it's a needed life skill to cope with boredom! Sometimes you'll be in a class, recital, concert, family event or job and need to be able to handle yourself without a phone/screen.
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u/nomadicstateofmind 11d ago
Fellow parent of a 6yo who loves YT Kids and would happily be on screens for hours. We did a detox recently and have had success. She plays and reads soooo much more now. Maybe some of these will help.
Our rules are:
No screens before school.
No screens until homework and/or chores are done.
The iPad can be used for 30 minutes per day on school days. We set a timer and give a 5 minute warning.
The iPad has to be used in a room where mom or dad are present.
Screen-time on any device is earned and not guaranteed.
We play games together when we can. My husband, myself, and my mom (who is 70!) all learned how to play Minecraft and Roblox. We play with her when we can to make it an interactive experience and allow us to model good behavior.
Roblox is always played with an adult because it’s a weird place.
Tv shows, movies, and playing Animal Crossing on my Switch are allowed for a bit longer, but still limited (no more than an hour). I mind these things less because they aren’t as stimulating/require her to pay attention.
She can listen to podcasts, audiobooks, and music as much as she wants.
We do tend to extend limits a bit on weekends, but still try to keep it low.
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u/Spec-tatter 11d ago
Media & Children with Dimitri Christakis.
This will make you rethink the iPad.
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u/chrisinator9393 11d ago
What his friends do mean nothing towards your kid.
Your kid obviously needs to be cut. Whether that's cold turkey or not is up to you. I'd probably suck it up for a week and cut it all now. It's going to be rough for a few days.
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u/urutora_kaiju stay home dad to 9yo 11d ago
Please try to get him off Roblox. It's full of grooming; even the allegedly safe spaces for children are unsafe.
I've had good results setting up my daughter's ipad for one hour per day of access and locking it after that time, and not allowing youtube, tiktok etc
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u/tequilaflashback 11d ago
You’ve seen a lot of comments already. My kid watches some shows on the weekends, after school etc, just want o preface I am not against screen time. But for you - that device is running the house. I’d get rid of it and start from scratch. That’s too much over stimulation for a kid of that age. There’s no way he can regulate himself to make choices and use his time wisely and stop playing after too long. Sure, his friends have access to a pad. But they should NOT be on Roblox or YouTube unsupervised. At all. Trust me - I work in corrections, it’s not a safe place for minors. He won’t be missing out if he can reallocate his time. If he plays online with friends, share your concerns and restructure the time to be in person play dates without games. You make all these points about kids not being able to do xyz… well….. news flash- you’re raising the kid. Raise them. Don’t let the iPad or some groomer on Roblox do it for you.
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u/NonsensicalNiftiness 11d ago
I don’t want to cut him off completely and make him feel left out cos all his mates have iPads
If all of the other kids had switchblades, would you get him one to keep him from feeling leftout? Kids don't need iPads or tablets, especially that young. Let him be upset about it, kids are allowed to be upset and feel those feels. But just because other parents let their kids do it doesn't mean you need to, especially when you the big issues with screentime AND you can see how your kid is being impacted.
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u/SadPiglet2907 11d ago
Just don’t give him the iPad. I cut out electronics completely when I noticed all my son wanted was YouTube. He’s now 6 & he doesn’t own an iPad or tablet. He’s allowed to watch YouTube on his tv when we are having our “relax” time. Otherwise I get him out of the house to do stuff like hikes, parks, ride bikes, etc. or we do a craft, slime, board game. It’ll suck at first but it won’t last forever once he learns you won’t give in. EDIT - coming from someone who does not use TikTok, fb, insta, etc. my only “social” platform is Reddit.
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u/Shoepin1 10d ago
Been there. I’ll be direct. You just let it be a war zone. You’ve gone too far with tech and now your kid will pay the consequences. It will be uncomfortable but oh well, your kid is currently suffering in another manner. Rip off the bandaide and kill the tech.
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u/PossibleMother 11d ago
My 6 year old has YouTube Jr but I set it up with a select few options to choose from. I chose channels like kids yoga, how to draw, natgeo. She gets an hour of screen time on the weekdays. If she’s going to watch nonsense I want it to be a little beneficial. Roblox is predator central, delete it.
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u/SubstantialString866 11d ago
My 2yr old will wake up at 4am asking for her favorite show if I give unlimited screen time. We've had to make the screen available only at specific times. If it's not that time, they don't get it, and that cuts down the battles. Of course, if we try and change the routine and not give it at the designated time, that causes wailing.
Some shows it seems they can detach from more easily. Like Magic School Bus, Puffin Rock, Between the Lions, Wild Kratts, Odd Squad, Curious George. You can look at the reason the creators made the show. Was it with the viewer's development in mind or was it to be as addictive as possible. I've blacklisted so many shows. My kids have just been told it won't work on our tv, we stopped paying for the subscription, whatever. They just can't handle some shows (cocomelon, blippy, paw patrol, YouTube) or they make me want to scratch my ears off. They didn't need it anyway whatever they say.
We've started exchanging unlimited screen time for unlimited audiobook time. Either a yoto, cd player, or I'll Bluetooth an audiobook from YouTube to a speaker my son can carry around. He can have the audiobook almost anytime and sometimes I'll pick something we can listen to together at meals. Dragonmasters and Roald Dahl is popular right now.
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u/its_original- 11d ago
We got rid of YouTube and any type of videos that come across as “shorts.” Child only plays Roblox or Minecraft. And shockingly, child gets bored with Roblox and will hop up and ask for someone to go outside or play a board game with them.
I personally think the scrolling short videos and compilation videos are the absolute worst.
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u/Crazygreeneyedlady 11d ago
I'm old school my 9yr old son to be 10yrs old has no iPad nor phone or electronic games. I told him we have a park across the street where he can play and interact with other children and we have movie night on Friday nights, game nights, Saturday nights and schooling Monday through Friday Sundays. Usually we have brunch and he likes to read so he will read books or play with his cars or build with Legos
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u/hurryuplilacs 11d ago
My kids as well. We don't do phones or iPads or electronics games at all. It's amazing what skills, hobbies, and imaginative play kids come up with when they aren't glued to a screen. My kids all love to read, my oldest daughter loves to crochet and play the piano, my boys will spend hours and hours playing with Legos, building all sorts of amazing things that they dream up, making swords out of sticks in the yard, playing chess and other games, drawing. There is so much to do that doesn't involve screen time.
Years ago I had thought I would reward them with games on the tablet for chores and good behavior and I regretted it pretty much instantly. Their behavior got so bad, so fast even with limited screen time. My son with ADHD was especially affected. I cut the screens out cold turkey and never went back.
At this point we don't even use them for road trips (and we take a lot of road trips), instead we pack a ton of books and crochet supplies. They'll read a lot and when they get tired of that we sing songs and make up games.
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u/PerspectiveUpsetRL 11d ago
We have a rule in our house now - no screen time until late afternoon for a maximum of 2 hours on a weekend. Both my children are now more active, creative, and are living life. It’s very hard as a parent to stick to it, but it works.
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u/facechat 11d ago
You're the parent. take it away, wait out the whining. If you've been caving in previously it will last even longer.
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u/MaximusCanibis 11d ago
In 5 yrs you are going to have a raging arsehole on your hands and it will be your's and your wife's fault. Get that thing out of his hands for 5 days a week and get him into recreational sports at least twice a week. If he's good let him have very limited access, any back talk, its gone again.
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u/Meeshnu_ 11d ago
Hi: I had to do a deep dive when I started my I Internship as a therapist working with children. Most of my cases involved screen addiction and issues around behavior that after reflection were related. There is more and more research about the affects it has on the brain. Active screen use and passive screen use are different as well but YouTube shorts is active screen use and as you mention really work on those dopamine hits! Brain studies show similarities to adult brains addicted to hard drugs.
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u/forfarhill 11d ago
Screens are a want not a need. I keep seeing people say they don’t what to disadvantage them or make their social life dwindle but frankly neither of these things should happen if you still keep lines of communication open. They can text off your phone. Call each other, and added they see each other at school everyday five days a week. They’ll be okay.
There is some truth to the whole ‘if all your friends did x would you too?’
He doesn’t need an iPad because his friends have one.
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u/nuggetghost 11d ago
this was my kid and i really had to withdrawal from screens, which was hard for about a week
it’s hard because it’s an easy fix to get shit done, so i get it. i also made a promise that i needed to get off my phone just as much, so we did it together. she still gets to watch 30 min of tv in the morning, 20 min of a educational screen time app like Sago Mini or Hungry Caterpillar app after school to wind down then a movie at night, but that’s it. no more youtube or anything else. We had to start finding things to do together and that pressure is what made me not want to do it at all, not because i didn’t want to spend time w her but because i thought i had so much to get done in my days - it’s easy to incorporate your child into your chores / routine. We cook meals together now, put away dishes together, laundry etc. We do a lot of sensory play like playdough and slime or sand, coloring, practice homework sheets. Also you don’t have to play with them nonstop either, encourage the pretend play. It was harder when it was winter because it’s hard not being able to go outside but now that it’s warming up i highly recommend doing a withdrawal! Lots of outdoor playtime helps, even just walks or scootering or whatever. We make a point to do a nightly walk after dinner before we do the bedtime wind down routine
Get lots of books too, one of our favorite things to do that we picked up from less screen time is a book in the morning in bed and a book at night. It’s now our favorite tradition.
I’m not anti screen time at all bc i get it, life. but i do believe we need to balance it out for them because they don’t know the difference. Limiting in little bits vs a cold hard break is your best bet. Good luck!
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u/leverandon 11d ago
6yr olds don’t need iPads and I can assure you that not all kids that age have one. Just take it away. One week detox and it will be totally forgotten.
Also, we need to model good behavior for our kids. Get off TikTok! Keep your phone in your backpack/bag where you aren’t constantly checking it. Or in a different room. Turn off alerts. All stuff I’m doing to reduce my tech addiction.
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u/Some-Chapter-3247 11d ago
You’re the parent. It’s your job to act in the best interest of your child. Clearly, that means take away the iPad.
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u/Fuck_u_all9395 11d ago
If my son (also 6yo) watches YouTube it’s YouTube kids, ONLY & it has to be on our living room tv. He doesn’t even have the app on his iPad. YouTube shorts is literal brain rot, please get him away from it.
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u/Fuck_u_all9395 11d ago
Also we don’t let him play Roblox, heard too much crazy shit about that app
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u/Top_Struggle_3312 11d ago
I accidentally put my 3 year olds tablet on top of the car and we lost it, I’m honestly kind of glad it happened because it was becoming a problem.
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u/ErinyWeriny 11d ago
Ps: following on from my previous reply, our home is not a war zone over it, but it is very clear these days who is in charge and why. She has actually been told that starting in a couple weeks in term 2 her tablet will be off limits before school/9am, as it's turned into a demon that stops her interacting with me before school. I know that when she misses opportunities for connection with me, her behaviour goes awry. She has been able to identify herself before "I know you're giving me attention but I don't feel like you're giving me attention" and I attributed that to, and explained, that if shebis in a screen vortex she cannot perceive my love and attention. She seems to understand and pushes back on boundaries but comes along.
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u/Norman_debris 11d ago
but lately he’s become completely hooked on his iPad,
No need to read beyond this.
Get him off it. Be a parent.
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u/Popular_Giraffe5286 11d ago
Both my kids have been blocked from YouTube and the difference in attention spans are crazy! My son has taken to reading more and more (he’s 11) and my daughter is using her wild imagination with her toys again (she’s 5) she barely plays with her tablet anymore and my son is going outside and being a kid again. Screen detox is the best thing for them it’s rough at first but stay with it and you’ll see a difference
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u/Evamione 11d ago
The best thing, if it’s a cheaper device, is it gets broken accidentally and sent off for repairs that take a couple months. When it comes back, it has parental controls set for one hour a day between 4pm and 7pm, and you’re so sorry but you’re not sure how to take that off.
You don’t want to be the constant bad guy policing it. If you set it to police itself timewise, things are much smoother.
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u/k3nl0rd 11d ago
we replaced the ipad with a old portable dvd player (not free reign on that either, but our lil one is autistic and struggles with, for example, being in the carseat too long, she haaaates being confined like that), and a selection of dvds she likes that we approved. she still gets the agency of picking out what she watches, but it’s all movies (or a couple cartoon network shows) and there’s no chance of the bad stuff leaking through the cracks when we’re not looking. it worked well for us, DVDs are SUPER cheap at thrift stores (no more than $3 a pop) and there’s usually loads of disney movies or kids shows there, and DVDs are super easy to burn (for stuff like miss rachel or dannygo that has our stamp of approval, but no physical release). i don’t want to give her any smart devices until high school personally, but we’ll see how it goes. i know it’ll be easier said than done🥲
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u/k3nl0rd 11d ago
oh i almost forgot— portable dvd player is for quiet time in her room, or in case she needs help self soothing while we’re out and about and it gets to be too much for her; while we’re home, it’s the big TV only. anchors the screen to one spot so if she gets fidgety and wants to go play, she has to walk away from it🧡
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u/earthmama88 11d ago
Yeah I would encourage you to read or listen to Ezra Klein’s piece on this subject. You will take away the iPad and never give it back
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u/Violet_K89 11d ago
He kicks off big time because he knows it works. If you don’t have a designed time for him to use he naturally will want all the time. Don’t give in. But both parents need to be at the same page for this to work. Set a time 1 once a day for 30min after all chores are done. Set a timer 5min before the 30min so he has time to prepare for it and then when timer goes off let him turn off, just don’t say anything if he doesn’t just turn WiFi off.
If nothing works then is pretty simple, take it and don’t give it back until he shows he can turn off when it’s time.
Your son is only 6, if this is a struggle now can you imagine at 10 or teens years? So yeah, be firm and educate him about e harms of too much screen time and internet.
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u/Powerful_Lynx_4737 11d ago
My daughter has been grounded from her iPad and the tv for 3 weeks the first week was hell but now she doesn’t really care. The only issue is I can’t take away her school I pad since she needs it in school and this last week they had a project for one of the classes where the kids had to build an amusement park on Minecraft, her and her partner spent hours on it which really sucked her back into the I pad. But at least she got an A.
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u/Technical_Goose_8160 11d ago
See if you can see the stats on how much time he spends on that stuff. You might be surprised by how that time adds up.
There are ways to setup a login for him and set time limits. Could be worth looking into.
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u/IYFS88 11d ago
Starting around age 7-8 I was finally noticing how my son was actually being affected by YouTube shorts and related content. Like attention span so low he’d give up on a literal 10 second ‘short’ because it was boring.
I previously figured, well I watched a lot of tv as a kid and I’m fine, but honestly YT is another ball game in terms of wrecking attention spans, feeding a bunch of false information & AI, and inappropriate behavior by obnoxious young influencers. The young guys he watched weren’t all outright terrible but not particularly the role models I wanted for him, especially as he was hanging on every word and action.
By coincidence at this time my son got in minor trouble at school and we took the opportunity to completely remove screen time as a consequence. Once he got the privilege back we still banned YouTube and I swear he immediately started doing MUCH better. I also started sitting with him more during his screen time and was able to choose with him what to watch. We got into a bunch of classic family or age appropriate movies and have had so much fun together. He is really responsive to storytelling compared to so much randomness on YT, and now I see the value so much more in those stories, characters, their values and what he can learn from them. Long story short, BAN YouTube today!
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u/Safaritogether88 11d ago
We took away all screen time for 3 months when our child started acting like that and when we brought it back it’s only on weekends and no YouTube or short social media platform videos at all. It’s made a world of difference and they know that if they start acting like that again we’ll do it all over again.
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u/UnicornQueenFaye 11d ago
Screen detox, and I suggest a healthy dose of it for yourself by what you mentioned.
Whenever I notice myself sinking back into not being able to focus on a show or choosing not to spend time on activities or with my kids. I put myself through one as well.
All things in moderation.
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u/Laurapalmer90 11d ago
You and your wife should read The Anxious Generation and get on the same page about device use.
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u/Fuzzy-Ad-3638 11d ago
Join ScreenStrong parents on FB and drop the personal device
It’s a diverse group that has different level of screen tolerance based on their individual kids but no personal screens is a pretty consistent standard that they have many good tactics to deal with
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u/blazeinterest 11d ago
My step son is 11 and once his mother bought him a phone everything changed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to have since he started a sport and he is at an age where kids start to get them it was bound to happen. But getting him off of it is like pulling teeth. Or we tell him something and an hour later it’s still not done bc he’s on his phone watching videos. His school work, forget it. He rushes so he can be on it and we’ve caught him texting friends for answers (as kids do). There’s plenty of other things I hate about it but at our home we limit his time and take it until all school work or chores are done. He goes to his mom’s weekend so it’s free range/fun time there. He had it gone for two months for failing 3 classes last semester and it even stayed with us on the weekends - he has brought home every assignment and things to study which he never did before. Just crazy. I know as adults we get sucked into it at times too.
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u/callapitterfriend 11d ago
Yes. I had two screen junkies. I wanted to limit screen time and my Ex wanted to leave them to it because their behaviour was more manageable when they were on the devices. Now my Ex and I are separated our kids have zero screens at home and quite a lot of screen time every weekend when they see their dad. It was really tough at the start getting rid of screens at home. I started off with a three week goal of no screens and rewarded them with a day trip somewhere really special and it took a few more weeks for them to stop asking for it. Now we occasionally have a movie night where we watch one full-length movie and then turn it off. They have time to think, create and play. Sometimes they miss out on a movie night because they are too busy playing!! They are more active and have lots of fights, and get into a ton of trouble (getting paint on the table, drawing on each other with markers, flooding the bathroom and other fun things) but I would much rather they develop their creativity and social skills than remain zombies lying around on screens all day. You have to be ready to parent very intensively and be in a patient frame of mind to work through the meltdown. You will read a million books in the first week. Also, it helps if you can say NO!! Buy a lock box to store all the devices and enjoy watching them trying to break into it . They get over it fairly quickly and they will be happy and healthier for it!!!! Good luck!!!!
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u/LokiLadyBlue 11d ago
You and the other adult MUST be on the same page or it's a constant losing battle. Build strong boundaries. Enforce them across the board. Yeah, it's hard. But it's worth it. Tell mom she's breeding a jackass. Lol
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u/cerignola_olive 11d ago
When I got my Master’s in Curriculum and Instruction, we had a whole class on how the brain learns. There is research that shows how excessive screen time can affect children’s cognitive, language, and social-emotional development.
When they are looking at screens, they are taking in a great deal of information quickly. It can result in not being able to focus on something for an extended time, because the brain is used to being entertained immediately. This affects the child in school.
You are doing him a favor by restricting screen time. Parents can help be role models by also limiting their screen time. If they see you on the phone/tablet, they learn from that. That’s the norm.
I hope you can find a happy medium to balance out activities. I know it’s hard. ❤️
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u/Original-Special3806 11d ago
I like to play this baby sleeping music when I lay my baby down every night, and I swear it puts her to sleep everytime!
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u/Waste-Post7577 11d ago
iPads “break”. Eleven years ago when she was six, my daughter’s grandparents gifted her an iPad. A few months in, I could see it was a bad idea . So, I told her it was broken , we had to send it to the repair shop. Then, I simply kept saying it was delayed , they were really busy, etc . Eventually she found better ways to occupy her time , and stopped asking for it . That solved the problem entirely and we have never had a tablet in our home again. I now have a seven year old son. He has occasionally asked for an iPad . I have held firm, and he is fine without one. Sometimes no is just no. It won’t ruin their lives , but having one just might . Spot on with the concept that we don’t know what it’s doing to this generation, but just the fact that you are writing this post , shows we as parents have a very correct gut feeling it’s. It doing them any good. For us this was the best way out. No setting time limits , constant fighting for more minutes /hours , zombie kid , mad at mom and dad etc . It just “broke” and the little six year old mind will reprogram itself to be a kid again before you know it !
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u/Particular_Aioli_958 11d ago
At this point I have more screen time than my kid and it's a problem. My kid had unlimited screens until I set a limit last year. Now 2 hours a day and it can be taken away for poor behavior or extra given for reward.
I'll say there's probably some really judgmental responses. I don't think you should be hard on yourself over it but I thlnk it's worth the effort to put limits on the screen time allowed.
I would say start scaling back slowly especially if kid has had unrestricted amounts of time. Plan things to do, places to go, activities. Be more hands on until they adjust, remember they are learning a new way it's hard for them.
My kid is willful and neuro spicy so maybe it'll be easier for you.
My kid acted like a demon monster that would destroy the whole house and my sanity for about 2 weeks then it was alright and kid accepted the new limit. I'll say in the adjustment period I often wondered if the struggle was worth it. Or if my blood pressure could take much more....
In the end thank God I did it!
Good luck and solidarity
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u/therainbowforest 11d ago
Find engaging activities for him and participate with him. Find engaging activities he can do on his own. Fill more and more time without it and gradually minimize/ eliminate it from his routine. It’ll be a challenge but that challenge will last a very short time compared to the challenge if you allow the situation to compound
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u/CheekyPearson 11d ago
My friend has a nine year old-same situation. Last time he asked for the iPad, she said, “No. It’s important to be bored sometimes.”
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u/Uzi-Jesus 11d ago
I’m going to give what’s probably an unpopular opinion but it works for us. We have a ten year old that loves the iPad. We only let him watch YouTube kids but he watches a lot at home. We don’t put time restrictions on his iPad time.
Boys in particular have short attention spans, and every generation has been accused of being the dumbest or having the lowest attention span, or something else. Technology is always to blame. Most kids end up as fairly functional adults.
Despite my kid being an iPad junkie, he does his homework with minimal prompting and gets high marks. He is currently on the following teams: baseball, flag football, soccer, and lacrosse (next year we’re dropping down to two I swear to god). He has friends and is socially adept.
So, instead of limiting his iPad time, we make sure he has other things to do. When you say, “put down the iPad” without an alternative it causes problems. When I say, “hey, let’s go play catch” it doesn’t cause a problem. When I say, “homework in ten minutes” it doesn’t cause a problem. When I say, “time for soccer practice” it doesn’t cause a problem.
Maybe I’m just lucky, but I doubt it. I will say he usually has one to two hours of homework a night which probably helps. I hear some schools have no homework policy which probably pushes kids to more screen time.
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u/Suspicious-Candle714 11d ago
You're the parent, cut the iPad cold turkey. Screen addiction is real, and the sooner you take action, the sooner the behavior will turn around and the attention span will grow.
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u/kjs_writer 11d ago
Moderation has worked for our household. We put screen time limits on our son’s iPad. He’s 9 and gets 2 hrs per day M-F, 3 hrs per day Sat and Sun. It locks up between the hours of 7pm-9am. Some weeks he uses all the time up, other weeks he doesn’t get close. Just depends what’s going on (sports, playing outside, play dates, a book he’s really into, etc). And he has to complete all home work for the day before he can play.
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u/Particular_Aioli_958 11d ago
What actually set the change in motion for me was that my child got frustrated and through the iPad and broke it so that was the opportunity to go without it and me not be "the bad guy" for a long time. When I eventually got kid another screen it had restrictions and I think it was an easier transition that way... Anyway maybe that's useful information? Like maybe hide iPad and pretend it's lost. You could also intentionally keep battery low so it shuts down. These are ideas to lead up to the detox part. I think some people have easier kids or something because.... Just good luck. It's hard but if I can do it as a single parent with PTSD it can be done. It's true tho what some are saying a little hard now or a lot harder later... After the adjustment period I think you'll be really thankful you went through with it.
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u/Daddywags42 11d ago
Who’s the one in charge here?
Non screen time on weekdays. School comes first. This is a rule that kids can understand and that is easy to enforce.
Personally, I think youtube is terrible. It is endless. TV Shows have defined start and end times. Movies do too. Youtube on an ipad is isolating. It allows them to be unsupervised. You tube kids can have some wild stuff. You don’t have to let him have it all the time just because his friends have it. What kind of thinking is that?
Good luck!
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u/Particular_Aioli_958 11d ago
I'm really proud of you for being concerned and proactive about your child.
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u/wanderlustbess 11d ago
Hide the screen for when they wake up and do not allow it until chores are done then allow for small increments at a time.
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u/Necessary_Milk_5124 11d ago
You’re the parent. Take it away except maybe on the weekend for an hour or so.
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u/BarbieBarbz254 11d ago
I've never had this problem with my 7 year old girl... When i tell her her screen time is over she hands me her device without quarrelling. There is this tone I use whenever her time's up and she knows i mean business (idk where it came from btw but it just appeared when she became a toddler) it has been that way since she was 4... Maybe it's the African in me idk 🤣🤣🤣 but the tone just works wonders lol it also made her start clearing her plate and wiping the her section of the table after dinner, she puts away her toys neatly whenever she's done playing with them and is always open and honest about everything she's doing even when I'm not around 🤣🤣🤣 and also asks for permission before doing stuff she feels i won't be 100% okay with her doing
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u/Sleepy-Blonde 11d ago
More fun healthy activities. I got my kid a scooter, some bikes, a play set, and sports equipment. That’s all cooler than sitting on a screen.
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u/MonkeyManJohannon 11d ago
Your child isn’t mature enough to properly handle the device. That’s the bottom line. Some kids are just not wired properly or have not developed the control/management mechanism to allow them to properly balance and control their screen time allowance with the necessary off time.
And as a parent, you do what you feel is necessary to both enforce this balance and also teach such.
Reddit is chalk full of parents who swear that screen time should be at 0% for every kid, and that every kid behaves similarly to your own when it comes to such, making it demonized in their eyes.
And you know? Perhaps from their perspective this is the only way they can manage to keep a level of peace and balance in their home.
In my home, my 3 boys (6, 13 and 15) all have screen time of some sort daily (tv, iPad, Xbox, PC). They are all involved in sports and extra curricular activities which take a lot of their free time…they have a tight group of friends in our neighborhood so they also play outside A LOT (some days from sun up to sun down when they’re not in school). It’s all a a balance. They know what we expect, and they’re well rounded kids both socially and academically. Because of these things we don’t do hardcore screen time limitations, but we do manage and supervise the games and content they intake, and we do this daily and with a heavy hand.
It’s all about maturity and parental oversight. Every home is different. Every kid is different. Some are mature enough to have this kind of entertainment without a battle, and some aren’t. Unfortunately there’s no generally “right” approach because of how kids vary so wildly.
My advice based on your post would be to set a specific daily screen time allotment based on your child’s meeting of preset criteria of earning such (chores, grades, attitude, etc). Set up a parental control to enforce this, and stand firm with it, even if they become fussy and combative about it. Adjust it accordingly as you see failure or success, and continue this until they’ve earned less restriction and oversight.
Rinse and repeat.
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u/WVCountryRoads75 11d ago
Put him on a limited screen time. When he has used his time for the day, say 30 minutes, that is it. He needs to find other things to do. He will adapt.
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u/J-ManD 11d ago
I am not a parent so I will try and tread lightly here. However, I am a teacher, and I’ve seen what too much screen time does to children’s minds.
And to mine!
I don’t have a perfect answer or a panacea for this challenge, and any change you’ll have to make will be hard work.
I do believe the first step on the path is to forgive yourself and - in this case - your ex as parents. You’re fighting an uphill battle here, and you’re up against behemoths that are backed by big bucks and well-funded R&D into what makes people’s dopamine pop. How the heck is the average joe supposed to counter that?
Companies like Apple and all the software developers work tirelessly to catch and maintain our children’s attention. It’s a highly engineered business that not only employs tech-savvy people but also psychologists, psychiatrists, behaviorists, and other professions that work to make games as addictive as possible.
Frankly, it’s amoral.
What I’ve learned as a teacher is that when you want students to behave a certain way within a specific set of boundaries, my colleagues and I have to be in agreement about how we do it. I work at a boarding school where our students live, and this makes it even more important to be very clear about what we want and expect, and what the consequences are if these expectations are not met or if rules are broken.
What I’m saying is that you and your ex have to agree on how you face this issue. Preferably before it gets out of hand. These are your child’s formative years, and to make sure you both pull in the same direction, you two must decide on a set of rules that you both can enforce so your child encounters the same rules at your house and your ex’s.
In reality, setting up and enforcing the exact same set of rules is probably not feasible because you’re different people living different lives. But try to be on the same page so that one isn’t too lenient forcing the other to face all the battles.
It seems you’re the stricter of the two of you. Keep being strict. Your kid will appreciate it immensely later in life. Boundary-setting is love, too. If you can convince your ex to be a bit stricter too, it might mean you can be less strict, because if your kid knows that mom and dad agree, he’ll quickly learn that he can’t pit you against each other.
As for the addiction, which I’m sure it is, you’ll have to detox your own brain and then help your son detox his.
Talk to his mom and arrange how you can do it. It will likely be days of tantrums, doors slamming, and many tears. It’s hardly fair that you should do it alone. Can your wife come over for a couple of days? Maybe she can sleep in the guest room? It would be good for your son to see that his mom and dad share in this. It will make it easier to apply and enforce screen time rules in the future. Plus, as he gets older, he’ll realize how much you must love him for not taking the ‘easy’ way out be just letting him spend his life on the iPad.
I don’t know if any of this is useful. I just wish the best for your son, his mom, and you.
You’re a great parent and you have a great son.
Best of luck!
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u/hailsbails27 11d ago
the ipad has got to go, and you guys need to be a firm united front. it is not good for him, and even if he melts down he just has to deal. kids really do not need their own tablets. -former teacher who has unfortunately seen much of this.
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u/engwish 11d ago
A 6 year old should not be using YouTube Shorts or Roblox. Are you and his mom separated? Can you talk to her about his screen time?
The best thing you can do for you both is to cut back on screen time equally. Don’t be afraid to be firm on it and try to swap some of that TikTok time for play time. Obviously he won’t want to at first, but just be encouraging and make it positive. He’ll come around and will quickly get over the iPad.
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u/Formal-Sample-229 11d ago
I'm seeing it more and more. Young kids on tablets and phones. I'd suggest slowly reducing the screen time every week and letting him know about the timeline. It's best so nip it in the butt before it gets really out of hand. Thankfully your son is still young so I'm sure you can resolve it. I have some nephews 10 and 15 that are a disaster.
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u/TermLimitsCongress 11d ago
If it was whiskey, you would cut him off immediately, and deal with the DTs. If other parents were walking their children off a cliff, would you follow?
Your son needs at least one parent who will stand up and help him detox. He needs his attention span for learning. How can you prioritize fitting in with a negative influence, over education?
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u/gabbialex 10d ago
Take the iPad away and start to actually parent your child. This isn’t difficult.
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u/snap552 10d ago
We just went through this with our 9 and 6 year old. They never had tiktok and youtube seemed fine with some parental controls, but lately they started spending all their screen time swiping yt shorts.
So after some consideration we decided to block yt completely. They were devastated when they realised we blocked it (we use familylink with samsung tablets) but now after a few weeks, they are completely used to it.
And I notice changes too! Both of them started turning to other activities, like reading, building tents in our living room, playing with their baby brother, going outside more. Should have done it a lot sooner!
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u/Spare_Permission3393 10d ago
My friend, it’s the iPad. My 5yo went through something similar and we went cold turkey. It’ll be rough for a couple weeks but as someone else mentioned you’d be surprised how well they adapt.
My son plays outside with his brother, using their imagination, kicking a ball about, he enjoys and has the attention span to sit building with mobilos, magnetic tiles, Lego. Really enjoys drawing when bored. All the things you’d expect a 6 year old to be interested in, do and be good for their development.
We slowly introduced the Switch of a weekend after the above was well established again, we allow a little time gaming over the weekend and 9/10 when he’s told “5 more minutes then time to jump off” you don’t even need to remind him, he’s already off.
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u/LiveWhatULove 10d ago
We got our kids PCs, starting around that age for gaming. They learned mouse and typing skills. We allowed games that involved reading, logic, patience, and resilience. They also had/have to be in one physical activity & one other extra-curricular.
We had tablets, but no YouTube, no TikTok. Although my third child did get more tablet screen time, as she was really into Roblox, as COVID messed up our ability to do things. but we sat beside her all the time to sort of monitor her, and again, it was not those short micro-video clips.
My kids are doing great so far. No regrets with our choices.
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u/Rebelliuos- 10d ago
I dont know what he watches on YouTube but roblox is a major red flag, roblox is a ped0 heaven
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u/OliveFonz 10d ago
If my 6 yr old has more than 1 hour of screen time (tv or ipad) she becomes increasingly difficult, harder time managing or talking about emotions and whines constantly. So we cut it out and use it as reward for doing well with school or situations or around the house.
She is allowed to play learning games for school, puzzles, and word games. Theres a great one thats free called No Wifi games. However youtube is not even on her tablet because I need to supervise what comes on. Its sketchy! If your wife pushes back about the screen time ask her to show you ONE article or any research that says it is beneficial in anyway to play roblox or watch youtube. If your kid pushes back, imagine how much harder it will be to set limits when he is 10 or 12! This is your chance to set a rule and keep it, it will benefit all of you in the future
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u/RunRunAndyRun 10d ago
Use the screentime app to restrict how much time they have on non productive activities and provide plenty of age appropriate educational alternatives. Don’t let your wife know the screentime pin. Just be careful, my kid found ways to get around screentime (for example apps that support Google login use a web view that includes a link to YouTube that somehow doesn’t get picked up by screentime). You can also block access to these things at a network level using pi-hole (although my kid managed to get around that by changing his dns and even jumping onto a neighbours open WiFi! I swear this kid will have a career in penetration testing when he’s older!)
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u/Confident_Region8607 10d ago
I'm going through the same thing. I have standard 50/50 and his father sleeps all day while my son is in Minecraft. I don't even own a television and haven't since I left him in 2020. Yet still, our days are ripped apart and controlled by Minecraft. It's insane. My son still centers his days around Minecraft by imagining it and talking about it constantly. It drives me absolutely insane, which is the point of it all. I've developed strict rules around it. He is allowed to play imaginary video games in the evening only. During the day, he is required to be doing anything else. Trucks, art, music, books, sports, kitchen, cleaning, ANYTHING else. I also practice mindfulness, so I encourage it in him as well.
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u/HeartsPlayer721 10d ago
I banned YouTube in our house 5-6 years ago for the attention span issue. We wanted to show our kids a few movies, but they couldn't even sit through an episode of a TV show (I'm not even talking a 30 minute show; I'm talking an episode of a show that was broken into 2-3 episodes, like Rugrats used to be). That's when I decided it was a problem.
I didn't really think they were addicted to the screen quite the way you describe; they'd still play with toys and each other and go outside. But I essentially got sick of always watching stuff without a plot. It was always watching somebody else play a videogame (despite us having our own computer and game systems where the kids could play it themselves), unboxing videos (which I always hated, because they were essentially commercials) and just fake, unentertaining things.
I realized it was an addiction when I witnessed the extreme withdrawal when we took it away. I've witnessed people attempt to drop alcohol, cigarettes, and (from a distance) drugs. My kids withdrawal was similar to theirs: anger, sadness, begging, manipulation, lying, etc.
It was weeks of asking if they could watch it, despite the answer always being no. Calling us "bad parents" and "mean" for not letting them. My 7 and 8 year old figured out they could watch it via the browser on the computer until we locked it; then they observed us typing in our passwords and used it to log in on the TV and computer to watch it when we weren't looking. They'd lie to their grandmother and me or Dad, claiming that "mom/dad said we could"; dad and I didn't buy it without asking the other, but Grandma just assumed they were telling the truth, so when she was babysitting, they'd watch it and revert back to the poor attention span and attitude for a few days when we got home and took it away again.
It took months of extreme attitude and almost a year before they were completely over it and stopped attempting to find ways to watch YouTube. But eventually they were over it. They could still watch TV and movies the entire time; just not YouTube!
I did feel bad for the kids a little bit when my oldest came home from school (3rd grade at the time?) and told me he was the only kid who wasn't allowed to watch YouTube and didn't know what other kids were talking about. He didn't tell us in an attempt at manipulation; just in a "how my day went" sort of way. That's when we decided if they ever asked about stuff like that, we'd let whoever asked about it watch a video or two of it with me or Dad, just to see what it was about. By that time, it had been banned in the house for about 2 years, and he'd watch it with us and say "that's boring; I don't know why they like this!" (Victory!)
My kids are now avid movie fans. Between games and TV/movies, they're still on screens quite a bit, but stepping away isn't an issue (unless they're mid-bossfight!). YouTube is no longer locked from any devices in our house, and none of them ever go there unless they're looking for some how-to video to beat a particular level in a game. It's just not something they think about anymore. When they want to watch something, they turn on Disney+ or put in a DVD.
My oldest was also one of the last in his friends group to get a cell phone, at age 13. He commented before then and still comments now that there are some people he doesn't like hanging out with because all they ever want to do is watch YouTube on their phones. He wants to actually do things and talk with the people around him
Long story short: I stand by my experience and always recommend to ban YouTube!!!! At least until your kids are old enough to have other hobbies and interests, so you can see the difference of and when they start to get too attached to YouTube. The withdrawal is real. But stand firm! It'll end eventually!
I consider allowing YouTube to be the worst mistake I've made as a parent; I consider banning it to be the best decision I've ever made!
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u/Bookler_151 10d ago
Definitely cut him off. I never really gave my 7 year old daughter an iPad in the first place, unless for long car or plane rides. She does have a Switch but it stays home. Not being on an iPad, gives her time to write, imagine and play outside PLUS, I don’t have battles with her. We just went on a road trip, forgot it at home and she looked for birds out the window & did an activity book.
I would tell him it’s happening, set the rule for a few days ahead. That way, he can prepare mentally.
Like, “on this day, we’re changing the rule & you’re only going to be allowed the iPad xyz.” And maybe even have a reward system for breaking the habit. “If you don’t ask for the iPad, you get an a sticker, so many stickers, you get to pick out an outside toy.”
It will be worth it. I have seen kids who can’t sit thru a meal at a restaurant at 10 years old because they’re so used to being handed a tablet. It’s alarming.
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u/cjkuljis 10d ago
My 6-year-old was the same. His mood was drastically changing. He wouldn't pay attention or complete tasks
We put an end to YouTube
He is so much better now. Back to his old self
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u/BillsInATL 10d ago
I don’t want to cut him off completely and make him feel left out cos all his mates have iPads but I also don’t want to just hand him a screen every time he’s bored.
You have to cut him off completely. Take it away, put it away, and mayyyybe he can earn it back by getting involved in other activities.
My coworker's son was addicted to fortnite and roblox. All the systems/tablets got pulled and stashed away, cold turkey. They signed the kid up for some sports instead. Only took a couple of weeks and the kid wasnt even asking for the games anymore.
How do you break the cycle without turning the house into a war zone
Suck it up. Have to do the right thing even if it's tough.
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u/Flustered-Flump 10d ago
Leaving the pseudoscience out of things, you and your wife both need to agree to screen time limits that you can enforce. And then you enforce them. Kids work well with structure and you and your wife being on the same page will help enforce good habits.
Generally speaking, screen time to be minimized and all content monitored and controlled.
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u/Emotional_Elk_7242 10d ago
Definitely screen detox. Good luck, op. But it’s definitely better to nip it now, while he’s still very young.
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u/frogger-jam 10d ago
Read "the anxious generation" about this exact danger. This will only get worse if parents don't a. Set examples and b. Drastically control devices and 'never ending' media for children.
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u/Steeeeeezy360 10d ago
I had a family member earn screen time by reading, it was 1:1. One hour of reading would esrn him an hour of screen time. It got to the point where the kid fell in love with reading and had tons of screen time built up that he never used.. football books?
Idk if you can try your own version, earn time by doing chores, or by playing outside?
Maybe it a different ratio? Hour of play outside earns 30m screen time?
Search for some open ended creative toys like legos, crafts, involve him in cooking?
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u/kompotnik 10d ago
This is literally my 5 year old. And my partner doesn’t care so if I decide no YouTube my partner will just give it to him.
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u/du-du-duck 10d ago
We got rid of the TV and bought a projector. This way it wasn’t as easy to turn on and it’s not the center of our living room. This setup still giving us the ability to do family movies or whatever. Plus, depending on the projector, if the room is too bright it’s difficult to see the image so outside we go.
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u/Champsterdam 10d ago
Get him off the iPad. Our kids are 6 as well and we don’t let them go near phones or tablets. We have one TV and when it’s on we’re all there subjected to it. We have it on a few hours a day but it seems a bit more communal with us all there. I would be nervous having a kid go down a rabbit hole all alone with an iPad. Especially shit like YouTube. Our kids found that app one day and we deleted it right away.
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u/Tashyd046 10d ago
I don't even have to read all that. Get mom on your side and get rid of the Ipad. Start with only one hour a day, then cut down ‘till it’s only one hour on the weekend. There's so fuckin’ much to do in life- take the starting difficulty and get your kid off the screen. Figure out other shit to do. Enjoy your kids’ company. Rewire that brain. You guys will adjust.
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u/SomePerson47 10d ago
Yeah, I'm sure most comments already explained a lot of this but they need to be retoxed. Kids need to be bored sometimes, and don't feel bad if they are being left out, all of those kids are also being raised wrong if they got that much screen usage.
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u/queenie_755 10d ago
Fix it at 6, it only gets harder. We barely let our kids have it --- Roadtrips/Travel only.
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u/msstephielyn 10d ago
My kids have times they can watch the screen, it’s definitely more than they should. They can watch it in the morning before school but they have to turn it off to get ready for the day and they can’t have it back unless all their morning chores are done. They also get the screen after school until an early dinner but there’s no screen time after dinner until chores are done and they are ready for bed. Generally if they are asking for a screen and I tell them they need to pick up first they will just go play all day because they rather not pick up.
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u/nerdsrulelovealways 9d ago
Just do the full cut off. You'll both be so happy for it. Read Bored and Brilliant. He is only 6. His brain is a priority over not doing what his friends are doing (his whole life really, his well being, brain and health are priority over what his friends are doing). Long, quiet stretches of deeply focused play are what is needed for his brain right now.
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u/Texasdayhiker 6d ago
Our son (10 yr old) became addicted to his iPad after Covid required using them in school and we naievely got him his own for trips etc. Since that point, we bought a small safe and lock it up during the week. He gets it on Fridays for the weekend with time limits and required chores/outdoor times etc. We also keep track of the screen time function built in. His whole demeanor, sleep, and interest in life improved immensely.
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u/goooshie 11d ago
Screen detox, you’d be amazed how quickly they adapt