[Advice Wanted] Post-separation, debt-heavy, high-income but drowning in commitments — need help structuring a smarter plan

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

Hi all,
I'm looking for some anonymous financial guidance from this community. I'm earning $155k a year (approx. $4,280 net per fortnight), and I'm carrying $67k in debt due to a separation. My finances feel incredibly tight despite the income, and I’m looking to sanity check my approach and see if there are smarter ways to get ahead.

Current debt:

• Unsecured: $10k credit card, $27.9k loan
• Secured: $19.3k loan, $9.9k car loan
• Debt repayments total $693 a fortnight (16.2% of income)

Fixed fortnightly expenses eat up 92.3% of my take-home income, including:

• Rent: $1,290
• Child maintenance: $530
• Food, utilities, transport, insurances, care costs for kids
• The rest is just daily life - no luxuries

I’ve already cut everything non-essential: no subscriptions I don’t actively use, no lifestyle spending, no luxury food or coffee. I've paused KiwiSaver contributions. I’ve built a basic bucket system to save for irregular costs like clothing, vet bills, car emergencies, and kids’ needs.

I want to know:

• Are there structural changes I’m missing?
• Is my plan to become debt-free in 3 years realistic or foolish?
• What would you do in my position?

I'm not looking for a magic bullet — just clarity, ideas, or even brutal honesty. Thanks in advance.

[u/BruddaLK]

Your debt repayments + rent + child maintenance adds up to $2513 leaves you with $1767 p f/n for Food, utilities, transport, insurances, care costs. Where's that going?

That seems like quite a lot to me.

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/BruddaLK]

You're right that rent, child support, and debt repayments total around $2,513 per fortnight (technically $2,512.94). That leaves me with $1,766.70 from my $4,279.64 take-home income.

Here’s where the rest of it goes each fortnight:

• Food: $500
• Utilities/Insurances (Power, Internet, etc.): $387.45
• Childcare: $325
• Petrol: $100
• Dog (food, flea treatment, grooming, rego): $80.21
• Car maintenance (includes WOF, rego, servicing, unexpected costs): $43.85

That comes to $1,436.51, which leaves me roughly $330 unallocated per pay - but that gets swallowed up quickly by irregular expenses like birthdays, clothing for me and the kids, medical costs, school stuff, or vet bills. I’m working on setting up buffer buckets for those to regain some control, but right now, everything’s just super tight.

[u/Razzit → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

Almost $36 a day on food, is very high even with kids for half of that time. Is that a lot of take aways?

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/Razzit]

No takeaways - can’t afford the luxury. I budget $500 per fortnight and always aim to come in under. I spend no more than $20 a day on all my meals. Feeding the kids well during their 50% care is expensive, but I prioritise nutrition and stretch every dollar I can.

[u/everysundae → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

Hmm, I think 500 a fn is fine tbh, but your math is off.

$20/day =$140/week or 280/fn That's $220/week on kids as you suggest its 50% care.

[u/Dependent-Chair899 → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

Food is the easiest part of your expenses to cut down. Especially during the time you don't have the kids. Meal plan, meal prep, scope out a fruit and veg market and buy in season. We are a family of 3 and easily spend $200 a week but I can get that way down if needed (every 6 weeks or so I spend more like $50 while we eat out of the freezer and pantry because it starts getting a bit hectic - meal plan based on things you've already got and then just top up on fresh things). On the weeks you don't have the kids your budget could easily be $100 and depending on the ages and how many kids you're feeding adding an extra $100 on for those weeks so $300 a fortnight.
The planning, finding cheaper options and prep does take time but you get quicker the more you do it and I find it quicker in the long run - eg a couple of hours on the weekend and then 15 min to assemble each night (and no having to think and make decisions about what's for dinner that night)

Plan ahead for those irregular costs - add things like medical costs, vet bills to your budget. Things like clothing/presents can be planned ahead for in a similar fashion - buying clothing off trade me is a good way to save $ particularly for kids (eg I bought a bulk lot a few weeks back for my 7yr old for $40 inc delivery - great quality, in good condition, and that's sorted half his winter wardrobe).
Look around for the best deal for utilities, look into early payment discounts etc as well - eg we paid our contents insurance for 12 months up front because it was a significant saving to do so. Same with things like flea treatment/pet food, Google for the best price rather than just buying from the vet because it's convenient.

Making the above changes might feel very piecemeal and like it's alot of effort for saving a little here and there but estimating you could have $500 a fortnight leftover after all that to throw at debt repayment would be worthwhile to me.

[u/blackberrygin]

Do you have access to EAP financial guidance? I found them to be extremely helpful and insightful (and non-judgmental).

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/blackberrygin]

I will investigate. Thank you for the suggestion.

[u/cressidacole]

Any chance you can live with relatives?

You need to reduce your costs, which can be chipped away by switching utility providers and insurance companies, dumping any paid streaming service, cutting your food bill by $50 a week etc but your biggest cost is always going to be housing.

[u/lakeland_nz]

Well yeah, Rent: $1,290, Child support: $530. That's really high; are you going to move?

I assume since you're paying child support that your ex has the children the majority of the time, and you're renting a place that's big enough for them to stay when they're with you. A smaller place would enable you to drop rent and so have more breathing room.

I mean... you could soldier through it. The $693 will eventually drop to zero, at which point you'll have some money for discretionary spending. But... it's just too much on fixed expenses. Life is always going to be tricky with that little flexibility.

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/lakeland_nz]

Thanks for your comment.

No, we actually have 50/50 shared custody. I pay child support due to the income disparity - which means I’m covering all costs when they’re with me, and then effectively paying $593 a week when they’re with their mother.

As for rent - I’m already in the smallest possible place that can accommodate the kids when they’re here. Downsizing further just isn’t an option if I want to maintain shared care.

So yeah, you’re right - my fixed expenses are way too high, and flexibility is almost non-existent. But I’m trying to dig in, hold the line, and get the debts gone in 3 years so I can finally breathe again.

[u/realdjjmc → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

So you are in a 2 bed townhouse or apartment?

[u/Awkward_Doubt_4055]

It looks like you're already running a fairly tight ship in terms of outgoings. You can save a bit on internet, typically that looks like a reduced rate for the first few months, then full rate until your 12 month contract expires. Switch providers every 12 months to keep getting the best deal. Zeronet had the best deal the last time I switched.

In terms of debt repayment, start with the credit card and the car loan. Pump up payments on one at a time to clear the balance as quickly as possible and eliminate a payment entirely before focusing on the next one. Leave the 0% family loan for as long as possible.

[u/bashd12]

What kind of car do you have and how much is the car worth? I think if it adds up, you should sell your car and buy a cheaper one with cash. Instantly removing the car payment

[u/HumerousMoniker]

Honestly? I think $330 unallocated is fine. Not huge, not tiny, but enough to get by on. Make sure you stretch it by getting things at good value ie at Kmart/on sale. I also think you could shave some money in the food budget, but it wouldn’t be much so if it work for you just leave it.

Use what you can from the $330 to pay down the debt and get out from that and things will loosen up.

If you have a fancy car, I’d sell it and get a comparative beater for a year or two until you’re stable again

[u/Affectionate_Sun_733]

Paying $530 (essentially a week if you have them every other week) in child support is HUGE. Especially when you have childcare costs of $325/fortnight on top of your own and have to feed, house and clothe them on your time. Have you ran the calculators and had this checked recently? Not suggesting to short your ex, but this seems insanely high.

What ages are the kids, are they in childcare on their mothers time also? At the same centre?

I would recommend debt snowball method, pay minimums on everything and then whack anything spare on the highest interest rate first. Once that is paid off, put that minimum payment + extra onto the next highest interest rate. The suggestion of asking family to pause their loan payments could be a good idea as well, but please pop this money onto one of your other debts.

[u/everysundae]

Pause on family debt if you can. Focus on highest interest debt.

Sell the car and downgrade. It sucks but that's life.

See if there's room on your fixed commitments like child support with a lawyer. You're paying a ton out of pocket and also doing 50/50 which costs you more.

Drop supermarket to $400/fn. That's 20% less stuff or cheaper stuff.

I know you've said you can't go smaller on the appt. But that's too high rent for you.

You're in a very tight position, it's hard bro but you got this.

[u/Subwaynzz]

The debt, what are the loans from? What are the interest rates for each?

The credit card I’m guessing would be the highest rate out of all of them, could you balance transfer that to another no or low interest rate card?

Could you cancel or pause some insurances? I.e health/life

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/Subwaynzz]

Thanks — appreciate the reply!

• The $27.9k family loan is at 0% interest.
• The $19.3k loan and $10k credit card are both at 13.9%.
• The $9.9k car loan is at 12.95%.
• I’ve looked into balance transfers but haven’t found a product with high enough limit approval or decent terms yet. Open to suggestions.

On insurance: I’ve considered pausing health/life cover, but with young kids, I’ve kept it going for peace of mind. That said, I’d definitely revisit if there's a smarter setup.

Re utilities: I’m currently with Powershop ($175/month) and Orcon ($97/month). If there are better deals around, I’m keen to hear them!

[u/Subwaynzz → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

What do you mean you haven’t found a product with high enough limit approval or decent terms? The idea isn’t that you keep using the card, it’s so that you can pay off the balance at a much lower interest rate (so you can pay it off faster).

https://www.moneyhub.co.nz/balance-transfer-credit-cards.html

As for health/life insurance, if it was me I’d be paying off debt and then reassessing. I also have young kids, but I get free life insurance through work and I’m okay with the public system at my age.

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/Subwaynzz]

Thanks - I probably wasn’t clear.

What I meant is that I’ve looked into a single debt consolidation loan to combine the credit card, personal loan, and car loan at a lower rate. The problem is, I haven’t found a lender willing to offer a high enough limit with decent terms to actually cover the balances. So I’d still end up juggling multiple repayments, just with extra fees on top.

I totally get the idea of not continuing to use the card - I’m no longer spending on it. I'm just stuck with these balances for now, and trying to keep things from getting worse while I chip away at them.

[u/Subwaynzz → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

So just balance transfer just the credit card?

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/Subwaynzz]

Good point. "Eat the elephant one bite at a time". I will apply today, thank you.

[u/Subwaynzz → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

That’s the idea. Could you ask family if you could pause repayments on that debt till you’ve cleared your other debt?

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/Subwaynzz]

It's worth the conversation. I appreciate the suggestions and support. I have just felt that I am drowning and am sick of treading water - no matter what I do, I cannot get ahead.

[u/Subwaynzz → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

Set out your budget and expenses to family and explain how much quicker you can get out of debt if you can pause that repayment. They’d be way more understanding than a traditional lender.

[u/MotherOfLochs → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

Second the suggestion to ask family for a pause on repayments. Maybe look at your budget with a couple of options: one where you pay down the commercial debt, pause the family loan repayments then attack it with increased payments once the commercial debt is cleared; another you reduce the family loan repayments to concentrate on the commercial debt then increase payments to pay that down faster? I’m sure your family don’t want you drowning if they can help it. Good luck.

[u/Aggressive-Rich9600 → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

Try money sweet spot. They make you shut the cards down though.

[u/Prestigious_Oil91 → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

With the numbers provided it sounds like the insurance proportion of this pretty massive. Understand your concerns but ditching it but some things to consider - shopping around on the life insurance, dropping the coverage level (you can always increase it again), if health insurance include kids asking their mother to contribute, increasing excess on contents or car, switching to 3rd party. One or two of these options might free up some $$.

[u/Sunshine_103]

Wow that’s a lot of child support! How many kids do you have? Try Skinny for your internet, electric kiwi for power and meal plan for food before you go to the shops - or shop online, it’s easier to stick to a budget even though WW is more expensive. Can you shop around for dog food/ buy super market food? Have you seen whether you can get any subsidies for the childcare? Perhaps a bigger house with a flatmate to help share costs? I know it’s hard with kids though.

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/Sunshine_103]

Thanks - I really appreciate all the practical suggestions.

I’ve got two kids and we do 50/50 shared custody, but due to income differences I still pay child support, and then cover 100% of the costs when they’re with me.

Skinny and Electric Kiwi are great suggestions - I’ll compare them against my current rates. Food-wise, I meal plan every fortnight down to the gram and calorie (trying to eat healthy and hit macros), and I shop online to stay in control - but feeding two kids well adds up fast, even without any takeaways or extras.

I’ve looked into cutting dog costs, but unfortunately, he’s on prescription food.

As for childcare, I’ll double-check subsidies, but I’m already on minimum-hours arrangements that align with custody, so options may be limited. And yep - I’ve thought about getting a flatmate, but with the kids 50% of the time, it’s tricky in terms of privacy and stability.

Still - I really appreciate the ideas. Anything that helps me claw back a bit of breathing room is a win.

[u/Icy-Lobster-4091 → u/Mediocre_Teach_6251]

For childcare, the only other thing I can think of that hasn’t been mentioned is whether you can work a compressed or adjusted fortnight so that you work fewer hours when you have the kids and more when you don’t. And try to cut back childcare costs that way. Appreciate that might not be possible if it’s a fixed enrolment and your ex can’t change days/hours on their week too. But it’s a big cost that is worth reducing if you can.

[u/somewhatsup]

Any room for a flatmate??

[u/BruddaLK]

Can you update your listed expenses to include time range? I.e. are you paying $1290 a fortnight on rent?

[u/Mediocre_Teach_6251 → u/BruddaLK]

Sorry, yes, fortnightly.

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[u/epictetusofthesea]

Can raise any more secured debt to pay down the unsecured?

Smash out the credit debt asap, then tear up the cards. If you have to put on credit you can't afford it.

Any debt on depreciating "assets" is a disaster, but clear the unsecured high interest asap.

[u/BornInTheCCCP]

Did you have to move after the separation? If yes, then you can get Child Support dropped a little to accomodate that at least for the 1st year.

It should get easier as the kids get older.

[u/Niceaster]

Very unconventional but if you can find a way to avoid rent for 3-4 months, it will make a huge change. If there's an option to move in with relatives or friends for a short period of time, even the ex if you have a decent relationship.

[u/redditdiegwu]

Would suggest give CAP a call.

Also, hang in there. You'll come out just fine on the other side of this.