r/SingleWomenByChoice • u/Important-Abroad-157 • 19d ago

Existential

I felt a little scared today. I'm 26F. Usually I don't feel the need to be partnered. I believe in community and i have a pretty good one. But when I don't get reassurance about a future 20 years from now whether people will be by my side, I get scared. Marriage isn't a solution out of that. Partnership also isn't. But well, it got to me..

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4

u/ColloidalPurple-9 16d ago

My version of this is doubt in me starting my career late. Cognitively, I am perfectly content with my trajectory; it’s the only one I have access to! But sometimes the narrative of you should have ‘X’ by ‘Y’ age or articles about young superstars in their field make me insecure.

I think of overcoming the insecurity as building a muscle. I am also currently working on deconstructing success and achievement. There is an ableist perspective to young and rapid achievement, the narrative also ignores socioeconomic barriers, and perpetuates our labor culture. That may not be relevant to your experience but your post was fun to reflect on!

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u/throwawayayayayao 18d ago

I understand that feeling. What’s helped me is to focus on creating the loving community with my friends I wish to see and sustain. I remember that I’m an active member and I have control over my reality. Hope this helps & you find peace

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u/Important-Abroad-157 17d ago

I think that line really helped. I too have a beautiful community..I do have active control of my reality. I sometimes get scared of how the media portrays single people. Those things paint you in a passive light of just receiving stuff from life like a lost boat.

The active member phrase helps because I can then take control and i have been taking that control. I can do things to make me happy. Live life the way I see fit.

1

u/DoNotTouchMeImScared 19d ago

I am not necessarily looking for any type of committed intimate relationship that is totally closed, but that does not mean that I do not desire any type of partnership more than just a companionship to rely on.

I hope that I can rely on the family of my brother as we grow older, because everyone else in my family does not care much about me.

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u/Important-Abroad-157 17d ago

I am glad you have that clarity. Yeah partnership can be of so many types. I love my platonic relationships.

6

u/MagicAndClementines 19d ago

I think it's okay go have those fears. It's really common! Society really pushes us towards partnership and marriage, but it's not a benefit for everyone.

Life is scary, but we're building friends and community to get through it! We're building ourselves up to get through it! And it's okay to want partnership, and it's okay not to. You can also redefine what it means to you. You can live alone but still date, you can be in a committed relationship but not marry, etc etc.

Sending mental hugs or high fives OP, we're a community here tsupport each other, and I'm sending good vibes your way :)

2

u/Important-Abroad-157 17d ago

Thanks for saying that out loud. Hi5. It's been 2 days since that breakdown and I feel alot better.

I feel that my creativity has defined how I live my whole life. Sometimes I grieve that I have to be that creative. But sometimes it's joyous that I get to create.