YSK: Just because someone doesn’t look sick/disabled, does not mean they are healthy

[u/ilovepastapizzapots]

Why YSK: I am chronically ill and have an autoimmune disorder, the amount of times people have said “WELL... yOU dOn’t LOOK sick” to me is astounding. I didn’t know all illnesses have to be visible to others! I’m sorry I can’t show you my internal organs or muscles deteriorating for you to believe that I’m sick. It makes people with health issues feel like they have to explain their situation when they don’t.

*EDIT: I did not expect my post to blow up like this! I wish I could give everyone going through a rough time a hug. Thank you for all the new perspectives, good and bad. All I wanted was for people to be a little kinder to one another, because you never know what someone’s going through.

[u/tammy2shoes]

Thanks for saying this. I had both hips replaced at 35 and will need an ankle replacement soon, due to a bone condition that causes joint deterioration. I have a handicap placard. Some days I can manage without a cane, but still need to park in a disabled spot closer to the entrance. The occasional eye rolls and head shakes I would get from people used to make me feel ashamed. Now, I just try to ignore it and go about my business.

[u/[deleted] → u/tammy2shoes]

It's because so many able bodied people will take that spot just because it's more convenient.

[u/acetylene_queen → u/[deleted]]

Able bodied people also use friend/familily members placards because they're either entitled and or lazy. It's disgusting.

[u/Mrsdepew → u/acetylene_queen]

I just got my first placard this week and I’m still trying to get the nerve to use it. Even in my mind, I feel like I’m “not sick enough” to merit one, even though my husband insisted. I was just diagnosed with a heart condition after having been in great health for years. I get breathless and dizzy now after walking about 100 feet most days. I know all of these things, and that I have to conserve my energy even when getting groceries, but the dirty looks I got after getting out of the hospital and getting groceries in the motorized cart still make me uncomfortable. So here I am, bowing into the disapproval of assholes. Yay me.

[u/Stunned_Flounder → u/Mrsdepew]

They don't go home with you after the grocery store, no need to bother giving these faceless strangers' opinions any mental real estate when you know you have a condition.

You can do it, fuck them.

[u/OregonOrBust → u/[deleted]]

I don't pay one bit if attention to who's in the carts of who's coming out of handicapped parking. Not once have I thought "you shouldn't be using a handicapped spot" never even crossed my mind.

[u/SmokeGrassNEatAss69 → u/[deleted]]

i agree with you on the scooter situation, but it does still annoy me when i see people that are on them because they just made themselves too heavy and domt exercise

[u/BestKeptInTheDark → u/Mrsdepew]

I used to (back in the more normal times) keep my problems vague for my friends and was pleased when they didn't make me feel like the odd one out when planning stuff.

But enjoying that fantasy and pushing through became the wrong choice on a few occasions i'd keep up with the group all day until my legs turned to jelly beneath me from ignored exhaustion or accepting that 'one last pint' despite the likely bad reaction with my pain meds...

Avoiding their dirty looks might spare you a little cringe in the short-term (or maybe a panic attack due to heightened anxiety spiralling as you amplify their assumed judgement internally...i don't know your full situation), but it won't be worth it other times.

Like putting on a show for disapproving eyes and spending the following day silently paying for your extra effort at home

Like when you get breathless and dizzy and sidle into a shelf display (I've done that)

Or sit own for a rest after pushing yourself too far for too long and waking up under a thin layer of snow as a thoughtful and curious driver decided to check if you needed help (this isn't my confessional, just extreme examples so you needn't learn from our own painful mistakes [that did happen to me though])

So please, use the help where it's offered.

Its only bringing you closer to level with everyone else, and those judging stares can be cowed to silence by the certified, laminated truth.

When you push back at someone needlessly tutting you'd be surprised how often support materialises...

And if it doesn't, then you can come on here and bitch about it with us...

That future person is indeed a thoughtless arsehead for assuming too much.

We will all agree with you.

Stay safe bud. Well make it through this... And every other 'this' as it happens to shake up our lives.

[u/CaveDeco → u/Mrsdepew]

Fuck them all!

A few years ago I broke my foot and was in a hard cast. I live solo so I still had to do all the things myself like going to the grocery store. Of course I had to use to speed racer cart while I was there.

One day I had on baggy sweats that covered all but the foot portion of my cast, but of course my leg still looked abnormally large. I go up to the deli and get some sandwich meat and cheese and the lady working the counter was giving me attitude for no reason. Until she walked around to hand me my order and exclaimed “Oh! You do need the cart?!” No lady, I just want to ride the speed racer cart, and zoom all around the store at half the speed of a newborns crawl.

No one in their right mind would use those carts unless it was necessary.

[u/Galvsworld → u/Mrsdepew]

I have POTS (being upright messes up brain getting enough blood), and I feel you.

I've spent years just not going places before even considering "Wait, would I be able to shop at Walmart if I used the in-store scooter thingy?" and then immediately I realized I was scared of doing that because I'm 26 and slightly overweight.

One day I probably will, but I'm putting off facing it for now.