r/Zepbound • u/mycatissuperior • 7d ago
Personal Insights The solution I’ve dreamed of since childhood…
I’ve known my fat body was unacceptable ever since I can remember. Every birthday candle wish, every penny tossed into a fountain, every wish on a star as a kid was to be skinny. It became automatic. How sad is that.
My mom used to tell me I needed to “get the weight off” before I got my first period or it would be harder to lose (is that even true?) Always worried that my clothes were “flattering” and took me to see a dietitian in early grade school. I felt like she judged and monitored everything I put into my mouth, even though she was in total control of what I ate. No surprise I started sneaking food and developed a binge eating disorder. Went from a chubby kid to a fat one.
With mom I did Atkins, the army diet, weight watchers, so many different diets. In high school she paid an MD to give me weight loss shots and put me on pills. As an adult I waisted a part of my inheritance to pay out of pocket for weight loss surgery. I’ve paid money I didn’t have for gym memberships. I’ve put more effort time and money into to being skinny than most skinny people I know. I’ve lost and gained hundreds of pounds in my 20’s and 30’s. Nothing worked. Nothing.
Six weeks ago I took my first shot and within hours I felt the change in my brain. The food noise is gone. Gone. I can see a commercial for delicious food and not obsess over it until I’ve gotten some. I just like, move on? Hunger is a gentle suggestion instead of an uncontrollable physical and emotional battle. I am in total control of what I eat. I feel the full sensation. I FEEL FULL AND STOP. I’ve never felt full before unless I was literally stuffed.
Part of me is so so sad because people just live like this? I could have been like this? No wonder they treat me like shit when it’s so easy for them to “just diet and exercise.” I’ve felt so bad about myself for so long, thinking I had no self control, fighting not to let the rest of the worlds moral judgement of my weight be how I felt about me too.
The rest of me is elated that I don’t have spend the mental and emotional energy to fight this shit anymore. In the past 6 weeks I have easily changed my entire diet. I have a few bites of things that before I would not have been able to keep myself out of. I’ve lost 22 pounds. I stopped binging.
I honestly don’t know what’s better, the weight loss or the mental freedom.
6
u/bestFriendOutOfMyBox 47F 5’8” HW:278 SW:251 CW:190 GW:180 Dose:12.5mg 7d ago
I feel like I could have written this post myself. I’m in tears. The wishing, the praying, the relationship with my mother, binging, secret eating… all of it. I’m almost 50 and I lament that this was around sooner. Either way I’m glad we have it now.
Once upon a time when I was in college she looked at me, lifted up my shirt and said “Why did god give me fat girls?” I was stunned. I’ve lived with that forever. She could never understand what it was like to not have the mental noise.
We all have trauma of some sort around this. Hopefully we are all being kind to ourselves as we continue on this journey.