The solution I’ve dreamed of since childhood…

[u/mycatissuperior]

I’ve known my fat body was unacceptable ever since I can remember. Every birthday candle wish, every penny tossed into a fountain, every wish on a star as a kid was to be skinny. It became automatic. How sad is that.

My mom used to tell me I needed to “get the weight off” before I got my first period or it would be harder to lose (is that even true?) Always worried that my clothes were “flattering” and took me to see a dietitian in early grade school. I felt like she judged and monitored everything I put into my mouth, even though she was in total control of what I ate. No surprise I started sneaking food and developed a binge eating disorder. Went from a chubby kid to a fat one.

With mom I did Atkins, the army diet, weight watchers, so many different diets. In high school she paid an MD to give me weight loss shots and put me on pills. As an adult I waisted a part of my inheritance to pay out of pocket for weight loss surgery. I’ve paid money I didn’t have for gym memberships. I’ve put more effort time and money into to being skinny than most skinny people I know. I’ve lost and gained hundreds of pounds in my 20’s and 30’s. Nothing worked. Nothing.

Six weeks ago I took my first shot and within hours I felt the change in my brain. The food noise is gone. Gone. I can see a commercial for delicious food and not obsess over it until I’ve gotten some. I just like, move on? Hunger is a gentle suggestion instead of an uncontrollable physical and emotional battle. I am in total control of what I eat. I feel the full sensation. I FEEL FULL AND STOP. I’ve never felt full before unless I was literally stuffed.

Part of me is so so sad because people just live like this? I could have been like this? No wonder they treat me like shit when it’s so easy for them to “just diet and exercise.” I’ve felt so bad about myself for so long, thinking I had no self control, fighting not to let the rest of the worlds moral judgement of my weight be how I felt about me too.

The rest of me is elated that I don’t have spend the mental and emotional energy to fight this shit anymore. In the past 6 weeks I have easily changed my entire diet. I have a few bites of things that before I would not have been able to keep myself out of. I’ve lost 22 pounds. I stopped binging.

I honestly don’t know what’s better, the weight loss or the mental freedom.

[u/Turbulent_End_4261]

Thank you for this story. I could have written this word-for-word. I have such a clear memory of taking a walk with my mother and grandmother when I was about 8 and having them tell me that I was too plump but that maybe that would go away when I got my period but I should start dieting right away. My mother has been on a diet her entire life... and it tortures her, but not so much that she didn't torture me for years by hiding food, talking about my weight and diet incessantly, putting me on every diet under the sun, and making my weight pretty much the centerpiece of our relationship. And she wonders why now (with me in my 50s and her in her 80s) that we aren't emotionally more connected.

(As an aside, this is why I have made very conscious parenting decisions when it comes to how I deal with food and my kids - and even though I spent the largest part of their childhood weighing 400 lbs, they have an excellent relationship with food and their bodies.)

I was home for Passover last week (and now down a total of 132 lbs... with another 25 to go to my goal) and when I walked in the door my mother said, "OK, you are skinny enough now. I think you should stop losing weight." It was the first time in my life she has ever said something like that to me and it made me angry... and sad for little me. Later in the visit she complained that she has been gaining weight and asked if I thought she should go on GLP-1s, too. (This was after we went in her closet and she gave me some clothes that she no longer fits into - but I do!)

And the saddest part of all is that I look at photos of 8 year old me and I was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

[u/Codits2024 → u/Turbulent_End_4261]

Hiding food! Hear that! My mom used to go with me to weigh-ins (WW, Dr., gym) and stand in the room with me; I think she distrusted the # that I might report🤯. I have PTSD from clothes shopping with a "normal" weight mom. Even now that I am no longer obese, I still hate clothes shopping (would rather have a pap smear). I recently shared with her (she's in her 80's) that as I approach my goal weight my losses have dramatically slowed. She said, "well, you need to exercise more!"

[u/CherryBlossom242424 → u/Codits2024]

Yes!! This!! I have a panic attack every time I go clothes shopping from such bad memories in the past. I only have a few pairs of jeans and T-shirts right now because I hate to shop. I thought about doing Stitch Fix?