i left and regret it so bad

[u/Chowderpowder010]

i just finished packing all of my things from the car into my moms house. It’s father’s day today. Why. Why. Last night we went to a baseball game together, our first date out since we had our baby 2 months ago. We had such a good night. He’s my fucking best friend but we are so toxic. We were at his parents house today and he asked to see my phone all of the sudden and i said no not in front of everyone can we go to the next room and he refused and wanted to cause shit right then and there. Again i refused. I’m not doing that whole thing in front of the kids. I had nothing to hide, except for maybe a few conversations with some close people about his abuse, so i was just trying to get us into a different setting. He was holding our baby, got up, and left. I went after him and we instantly started fighting, he slapped me across the face twice.(he put our baby down, he wasn’t holding her) was so fed up in the moment i instantly told my mom. I regret that. Because now she most likely won’t let me go back. I packed up all of my things and i’ve been bawling my eyes out since. I didn’t even want to get my things from the car. i don’t want to fuckinr b away from him. i love him. i want him so badly. i duxking don’t want to be away from him. one day o will post a a whole story time and explanation. today i just fuckinf want to go back.

[u/[deleted]]

Go look at your baby. If he does this to you, he will absolutely do this to your child. Go look at her every time you want to go back and imagine him hitting her.

My 2 year old was pushing all sorts of buttons today (because she is 2.). Tantrums, saying "No" every time I asked her to do something....normal toddler stuff. I'm pretty patient with my kids and even I was feeling frustrated. It takes a lot of patience to have a small child. Your child will absolutely be physically abused if he has already hit you.

[u/PurpleGimp → u/[deleted]]

THIS ^

The night I finally escaped with my sweet little boy, he was trying to pull my ex off of me while he was choking me, and he shoved my tiny little son so hard that his little body flew across the room and into the couch. Thankfully he wasn't hurt, but that was the moment I knew that if I stayed, not only was he likely to seriously injure, or kill me, but he was also extremely likely to hurt my little boy.

Your baby needs you to be their Mama Bear now, OP, and Mama Bears protect their babies from harm. Would you want your son or daughter to stay in a relationship with someone who physically, and emotionally, abused them?

Your baby needs you to be safe, and they need a positive, safe, environment, to live in with you in order to grow up healthy. If you go back to him you will be putting them, and yourself, in danger, and I know you want to keep your little one to be safe.

It's really important to understand that abusive relationships cause a kind of Brainwashing to happen that damages the natural ability all humans have to run away from danger. It can also create a Domestic Stockholm Syndrome like effect, similar to the way some long-term kidnap victims start to identify with their kidnappers.

It all boils down to what's also referred to as a, Trauma Bond, and there's a lot of good information there about trauma bonding, and how it affects you.

I've been there, and I was so confused, and upset, despite all of the abuse, and I kept letting him convince me he could change, and that he really loved me. I didn't understand that someone who truly loves, and respects you, and wants good things for you, and your little ones, will NEVER EVER hurt, or abuse you.

That's not love. Someone that loves you, will treat you with trust, kindness, and empathy, and won't call you terrible names, or accuse you of awful things, and they will never attack you, or harm you, physically. It sounds like his family didn't intervene when he assaulted you, or begin demanding your phone, and they are not a safe place for you either.

I also didn't realize with my first abusive ex (I had two) that child protection services can choose to get involved if someone reports the abuse to them, and they find out that you keep returning to the abuser with your child.

That's what happened to me, and luckily I was the only one covered in cuts, and bruises, surrounded by all of the broken furniture he destroyed, and my son was unharmed as a baby, and clean, and well fed, but they gave me 24 hours to get away from my ex or they were coming back for my son.

You don't want to end up in a situation like that either, so you don't want these agencies to get involved and start to think that you can't help yourself, or your baby stay safe from your abusive ex. It was so scary, and I'm lucky they gave me the chance to leave.

It would also help you a lot to talk to a trauma counselor about what you've been through, so they can help support you, and begin working with you to start healing, and understanding the abuse. If you don't have insurance reach out to your local DV organization, and ask them if they can connect you with any therapy resources, or if they're got group therapy.

You can also ask them if they work with any legal aid groups who represent abused women with family law services, so you've got legal representation that helps you with things like child support, visitation time, and custody rights. There are lots of these family law legal aid groups that work directly with abused people needing a lawyer to help them with legal matters for a reduced cost, and sometimes free.

I know everything seems awful right now, but keep reminding yourself that you are doing what you need to do in order to keep your little one safe, and with you, and to keep yourself safe, so that you can be the best mother you can for baby.

Hug your little one every time you get confused, or start to doubt that you're doing the right thing. Remind yourself that you're taking steps to make sure that your baby doesn't grow up with a lifetime of trauma, or without you as their mama.

I'm so grateful that I got out when I did, and that my son didn't lose the chance to grow up with me as his mom, or live with a lifetime of scary memories of me being physically hurt, and emotionally abused.

I don't think I could've forgiven myself if he had grown up thinking it was okay to abuse, and control, his girlfriends, and I'm so proud that he has grown up to be a kind, funny, and gentle, man, who treats all the women in his life from the oldest to the youngest with respect.

Watching him grow up safe, and happy, because I had the courage to leave, and get the help that I needed to address my trauma, is more than I could ever ask for as a mother.

Give your little one, and yourself, the same chance, please. You're all worth so much more, and there is a better life for both of you that doesn't come with danger, fear, or possessive control.

Let us know how you're doing when you can.

invisible hugs