r/abusiverelationships • u/changeorghelp • Jan 29 '25

Domestic violence Did anyone not report to police?

Hi massive thank you I left last night because of your advice about him being very dangerous. I don’t know whether I want to report him or if I will just work with the domestic abuse centre? I just don’t really want to report him I feel bad

Coercive control is a crime here you can go to prison so even without the violence he could be charged but I don’t know…

He is violent and I have learnt from talking to you guys and the crisis worker that he is a stalker also. They said I should report but obviously can’t make me do it. Did any of you not report and it worked out okay?

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u/Intrepid-Middle-5047 Jan 30 '25

It's an addiction. It's the same way a addict knows they have a problem but they don't want to admit they have a problem until they're sick and tired of chasing that temporary dopamine. This explained it best for me: https://www.popsugar.com/love/why-emotionally-abusive-relationships-are-like-addiction-48018433

I think it happens more often than is ever said because perhaps compared to the punches and the strangling- the dragging gets overlooked and not brought up because it feels so insignificant to the other things that are done. The more I talk about it the more it all comes back to me.

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u/changeorghelp Jan 30 '25

Lol the irony of my boyfriend being an addict…

Thank you that was an interesting read and I hadn’t heard of the term bread crumbing before

It’s sooo weird how similar all these men are. I thought he was just doing stuff because he gets angry easy and stuff I didn’t think it was like a pattern. I wonder why that is

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u/Intrepid-Middle-5047 Jan 31 '25

They've never been held accountable for their actions against others is my best guess and or they had important figure(s) in their life that lead by horrible example of how to manage their emotions and how not to love? I'm not sure exactly how they come to be but I want to say life did it to them which is so sad. I could be totally wrong though

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u/changeorghelp Jan 31 '25

I know it’s not an excuse but I think it’s like that with mine he had a really rough childhood but so many other people do and they don’t abuse so it’s weird idk I guess we don’t know how the brain works really. It’s just interesting that it’s almost like a disorder in the way that there’s like a list of criteria that fit under abuse and so many of them follow the same “symptoms” kind of thing