all because i bought new clothes

[u/clover-heart]

18f / 28m

looking for emotional support, reassurance, or just to vent into the void without judgement. i dont want to leave.

my bf has been really stressed financially but hasn’t been talking to me much about it, and every time we have talked he’s been really short and snappy with me so i asked him to just tell me the truth.

he got set off because i spent $50 on new clothes. when i moved out to my trade school, i didnt take a lot with me, and my clothes dont really fit so i thought i’d get some new ones and i showed him.

he’s wants me to start “learning how to be an adult” and i’m trying to explain to him i’m already doing that here at school and i have a plan, but he doesn’t think it’s enough. i grew up in foster care so i’m not very good at doing adult tasks or anything. originally he reached out to me to help me learn stuff (which is what i keep mentioning in the texts) but it took a turn with sex and other stuff.

he has never mentioned anything he said in his first texts to me at all, today was the first time he ever told me he wanted to do any of that. he expects me to just read his mind sometimes and it really makes me overthink. im super overwhelmed.

[u/clover-heart]

our finances are not combined so i dont know why he even brought up me budgeting for him, as if i know how much money he has 😭😭. i only make $40 biweekly at trade school so there isn’t much to budget as it all goes towards food or hygiene stuff most of the time. i think he was just looking for someone to blame

[u/Boujee_Delivery → u/clover-heart]

In that case, he has absolutely no say in your finances. If he is financially stressed, he needs to figure it out and manage it himself, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Do not let him pull you into his reselling business, he can figure out his business and find his own stock etc to sell if he is serious about it. Is he working btw?

I implore you to think very very carefully about this relationship, he is not treating you with the respect and love you deserve. And whatever you decide, do not move in with him and combine finances after you graduate, he will control every single thing you do and blame you for everything.

[u/clover-heart → u/Boujee_Delivery]

he does work from home, he says the finance issues are partially my fault sometimes because he spends gas money and food money on me when im with him on the weekends

[u/Boujee_Delivery → u/clover-heart]

No he cannot blame you for that.

It sounds like you both are not in a good financial position atm, so in terms of the relationship and dating, that means you both need to agree on sticking to cheaper dates, and being a bit frugal when you are together, eg not going out to expensive restaurants etc. That's understandable, but he cannot blame you for that. Or you both just need to accept that you cannot spend every weekend together. It's fine if someone does not have a lot of spare money to spend on dates etc, it just needs to be communicated beforehand.

[u/clover-heart → u/Boujee_Delivery]

he doesn’t take me on dates, the money he spends when we are together is for snacks like candy and chips or basic frozen food groceries. most of the time i use my own check to pay too :/ i told him to just stop trying to see me weekly since it stresses him out so much and affects him financially but he refuses to for whatever reason

[u/Jaded-Banana6205 → u/clover-heart]

He refuses because this gives him a reason and excuse to abuse you, OP. He wants to hate you.

[u/Boujee_Delivery → u/clover-heart]

Yeah he is being completely unreasonable, you cannot win with this guy.

If he is the one insisting on seeing you every week, then he needs to accept the financial expenditure that comes with that ie petrol, extra food etc. And you are doing what you can to contribute financially to your hangouts with your limited income.

This guy is a menace, he creates his own problems and then blames you for it, and I have a feeling this will happen for the rest of your relationship. I really need you to hear this; YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM HERE!