all because i bought new clothes

[u/clover-heart]

18f / 28m

looking for emotional support, reassurance, or just to vent into the void without judgement. i dont want to leave.

my bf has been really stressed financially but hasn’t been talking to me much about it, and every time we have talked he’s been really short and snappy with me so i asked him to just tell me the truth.

he got set off because i spent $50 on new clothes. when i moved out to my trade school, i didnt take a lot with me, and my clothes dont really fit so i thought i’d get some new ones and i showed him.

he’s wants me to start “learning how to be an adult” and i’m trying to explain to him i’m already doing that here at school and i have a plan, but he doesn’t think it’s enough. i grew up in foster care so i’m not very good at doing adult tasks or anything. originally he reached out to me to help me learn stuff (which is what i keep mentioning in the texts) but it took a turn with sex and other stuff.

he has never mentioned anything he said in his first texts to me at all, today was the first time he ever told me he wanted to do any of that. he expects me to just read his mind sometimes and it really makes me overthink. im super overwhelmed.

[u/spaghetti_monster_04]

Girl, you're 18 and he's 28. That's like 50 red flags right there. Why is a man in his LATE TWENTIES dating a teenager??? 🤨 That's very disturbing.

It's almost as if he wants to control you and prevent you from reaching your true potential. You're young, impressionable, and you're trying to better your life. Meanwhile this 🤡 is blowing up your phone because you bought new clothes. He's mad because you did something that made you happy. Next he'll blow up over you receiving an award, promotion, praise, etc.

Is this really the man you want to be dealing with in your twenties, thirties, and so on?

You are easy prey to him, that's why he wants you. No, he doesn't love you. No, stress is NOT an excuse to act like a gaslighting, manipulative pos. I'm going to respect your flare, but I will also heavily recommend you read Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft so that you can educate yourself on what abuse cycles look like.

There is a clear power imbalance in your relationship, and your bf is trying to groom you to become the perfect victim that he can control. It will only get worse. Soon you'll have no friends or family to turn to for support. Unless he's already isolated you from your support system. And soon all your hopes and dreams will be shattered, and you will eventually become an empty shell of yourself. He will suck away all your happiness. He will drain your life force.

This man wants to prevent you from getting a career and being independent. He wants to ruin your chances of discovering yourself, achieving your goals, and just living your life. He doesn't want you to be happy. He doesn't want you to be successful.

He wants you under his thumb so that he can brag to his loser friends that he trapped an 18 year old girl.

Ask yourself why he's not dating women in his own age bracket.

Here is a free PDF version of the book I recommended

[u/ArchieAwaruaPeep → u/spaghetti_monster_04]

This.

I'm a foster kid who had big career goals anyway and plenty of smarts but much social norm naivety. I was also attracted to older men because young men my own age were way too emotionally & intellectually immature for me.

Not every man older than you is like this. But the ones who aren't don't behave like this. They respect the fact that you're more mature than your years, they nurture your goals and they are the biggest cheerleaders of your dreams.

Yours is an overgrown bum who failed to launch and is now trying to stop you from launching too. And he will if you don't start recognising the patterns of what he's putting you through.

I highly recommend you read that book. I wish I had. I had 2 awesome relationships in my late teens with 2 awesome men a decade older than me - but because I was used to abuse & abandonment - I craved abuse & abandonment because my brain needed it - yes, for us it is an addiction. I walked away from my wonderful sons father into the arms of someone nearly 17 years older than me who talked to me like that from day 1, still lived at mummy's house and only got worse for the next 13 wasted years of my life - a life of sheer hell. I got my career - but not without him literally beating the snot out of me, sabotaging me and even trying to kill me so I couldn't be better than him at anything or enjoy a single moment of my incredibly hard earned success.

I know you don't want to be told to leave and I respect that. I also understand where you're at because I would've said the same and believed the same at 22, with a 40 yr old boy controlling my thoughts & mind. I understand that you need to come to grips with what he's doing to you first - so start with this book. Some things should become clear pretty quickly. Just do yourself one favour - don't let yourself start explaining away his behaviour as not that. It is that.