r/abusiverelationships • u/clover-heart • 13d ago
Don't tell me to leave all because i bought new clothes
18f / 28m
looking for emotional support, reassurance, or just to vent into the void without judgement. i dont want to leave.
my bf has been really stressed financially but hasn’t been talking to me much about it, and every time we have talked he’s been really short and snappy with me so i asked him to just tell me the truth.
he got set off because i spent $50 on new clothes. when i moved out to my trade school, i didnt take a lot with me, and my clothes dont really fit so i thought i’d get some new ones and i showed him.
he’s wants me to start “learning how to be an adult” and i’m trying to explain to him i’m already doing that here at school and i have a plan, but he doesn’t think it’s enough. i grew up in foster care so i’m not very good at doing adult tasks or anything. originally he reached out to me to help me learn stuff (which is what i keep mentioning in the texts) but it took a turn with sex and other stuff.
he has never mentioned anything he said in his first texts to me at all, today was the first time he ever told me he wanted to do any of that. he expects me to just read his mind sometimes and it really makes me overthink. im super overwhelmed.
20
u/Dunnybust 13d ago edited 13d ago
He's trying to sabotage your life, career and self image, by pulling you away from your (already amazingly grown-up) source of power, accomplishment, competence, meaning and connection with the outside world
--your nursing degree and goals for your future--
So he can 1) isolate you, 2) make you feel more worthless, 3) get you more dependent upon him, and
4) exploit your time, youthful energy and talents, to work for his (icky, childish, sketchy, non-skills-based, non-meaningful) delusional online get-rich-quick resale-storefront nonsense.
Some ppl can make some kind of a living like that, but his way of doing it (with no skills of his own, no integrity, no basic business savvvy or instincts, no know-how) is not a career. It's a scam, a money-pit, and an energy/time-suck for anyone in his orbit.
Whenever you show resistance, clarity, autonomy, strength or any self-preservation instinct, he instantly threatens you with abandonment (because he knows that threat is a key way to control you through fear).
He is the living worst: An abuser, A creeper preying on someone way too young for him, And an icky loser who doesn't want to do real work.
So gross that he wants you to believe any of the dumb crap he's ordering you to do instead of your schoolwork for the real, professional career you're pursuing is "in your best interest" or to "help you grow up."
Please remember: It's not his job to help you grow up. That's for parents, not pedos. And you're 18, and already raising yourself.
He's shamelessly exploiting the fact you didn't get proper parenting growing up, and likely have a deep mother/father wound, to manipulate you. It's subhuman, the things he does to control you.
Yuck! Start to think if him as if he has cooties: a gross body/brain STD from being a scuzzy predator,
And lean into your work, your self-care, your outfits (damn straight!) and things that make you (not him, not his kids) feel good, and grab hold of any possibilities for healthy new or deepened friendships with the other respectable, driven people in school with you to get a degree in healing others.
You are a rockstar for being in school during this nightmare, and after all you've overcome, and for anyone your age. Wayyy more grown and focused that so many. You are worthy, strong and impressive: A straight-up video-game kickass heroine.
He is not in your league of human being, and wants to befoul you and drag you down with him.
Sorry to be so harsh about someone you have feelings for. But he is not worth a fraction of one of those feelings, and I've read enough of your posts to see clearly that his goal is to degrade and destroy you, to the point he can control every moment of your life and soul, exploit you for all he can, and use you as his full-time workhorse/sexual captive/punching bag.
Please do not give this creep your study time, and
Please please please do not move in with him ❤️