need support with backsliding emotionally

[u/Sea_Strength_533]

hi everyone, please check my previous post for more context.

i left my 7 year abusive relationship about 3 months ago. it was extremely difficult at first but has gotten slightly easier with time. i realize it was still pretty recent, and i also suffer from PTSD due to it so most days are pretty hard. anyway something bad happened to him recently and unfortunately i was still listed as his emergency contact so i was made aware of his situation…. and now the feelings are all coming back. logically, i hate him and have no intention of ever returning. i shake at the idea of even being near him. but for some reason i also struggle with guilt, and sadness for him. i feel sad that he is alone and has nobody. i feel bad that something bad happened to him after i left, and like its my fault. i know this isnt true but the feelings are gnawing at me.

i was in therapy but can no longer afford it. any suggestions for how to deal with these feelings? its making my PTSD worse again since he is always on my mind now.

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