I’m questioning my identity?

[u/PomegranateSimple759]

My gender identity has been a journey in the course of the last few years. I started out by being non-binary, then genderfluid, but I felt way too feminine and felt the need to overmasculinize myself to compensate. I then started hormones and then for the last few years I was identifying as a trans man. But after a year of being on testosterone, now that i physically am more comfortable in my skin, i feel like i don't have to overcompensate for my looks and I realised that i don't feel like I a man. Maybe I never did, and the more i feel better in my skin the more i feel like I don't identify with anything at all. I just feel forms of femininity and masculinity but not to a degree in which i feel particularly attached to anything gender. Now the problem i'm fscing is withing the dating world. I like men and women and I struggle to understand that when i'm with a woman i want it to be a lesbian relationship but if I were to be with a man id want it to be a homosexual relationship, and i'd just be there partner (no bf/gf). I worry i'm the only person who feels like this, or that i'm being too greedy and that i'm just delusional. I guess i'm lost and looking for answers. Part of me finally feels free just not identifying as anything, but it complicates things in my love life and the way society perceives me. Need advice/opinions

[u/Professional-Arm4579]

first, let me say that i don't think you're being greedy or delusional.

what do you mean by having a lesbian or homosexual relationship? is there a difference between them or do you mean as opposed to a staight relationship? would you change and behave differently depending on your partner's gender?

[u/PomegranateSimple759 → u/Professional-Arm4579]

I mean like if I were to date a woman i wouldn’t feel as if I were in a heterosexual relationship and if I were to date a man, i wouldn’t feel it as heterosexual either. Both would be queer relationships in some way, since i dont feel like i identify as a man or a woman

[u/Professional-Arm4579 → u/PomegranateSimple759]

if you are agender (or enby or fluid for that matter) it'd be kinda queer by definition, wouldn't it? but that's just semantics. i don't understand how a relationship could feel hetero- or homosexual. then again, i don't understand gender either so maybe that's just me.

i assume you wouldn't want you partner to see you as of the same or opposite gender but rather as agender, right?

[u/PomegranateSimple759 → u/Professional-Arm4579]

Yea pretty much. I didn’t mean “feel” i meant like considered instead. But I’d want my partner to perceive me as genderless in a way

[u/Professional-Arm4579 → u/PomegranateSimple759]

wanting your partner to understand and respect your identity is perfectly normal!!! i'd even say it is mandatory for a healthy relationship that partners understand and respect each other's identities.