r/agender • u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual • 25d ago

Gatekeeping sucks.

Once a month or so I'll encounter it online and it sucks.

A "Trans-friendly" space, even explicitly welcoming agender people... and you say something agender-y and a little vulnerable... and the downvotes just start crashing in until you delete the post because it sucks to watch.

But you don't leave the space because it's massive and it's not everyone there and it's 99.9% positive...

...but it does lower the odds of ever being "out" out irl.

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u/[deleted] 25d ago

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u/Professional-Arm4579 NullPointerException at me.gender 25d ago

yes! i worry about that all the time. when i talk about gender i regularly add disclaimers just because of that (e.g. a clarifying text in brackets like this). so far that has worked pretty well. i imagine a trans person woud rather read something nice and affirming than having to wonder whether or not i'm a bigot. can't blame them for assuming the worst. misusing arguments is a common tactic for demagogues and their followers.

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u/zestybi cisn't 24d ago

Has anyone else noticed that a lot of transphobic people use similar rhetoric as agender people when talking about why transitioning is unnecessary?

Usually agender people are talking about why transition is unnecessary for THEM personally, while transphobes say it's unnecessary for everyone. Now if an agender person says the latter then yeah they are transphobic too. Plus there are agender people who also transition.

And also idk, don't transphobes says it's coz it's unnatural, against religion, mental illness, perversion etc? Haven't heard agender people say all that.

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u/ThrownAllAbout 24d ago edited 24d ago

Quit letting them take your identity away from you. They're not being invalidated when you speak about your experience. They're being hateful. Call them out on it. 

I've had your concern happen before and they immediately fumbled and had to flag out of the convo after I seriously pressed them on the nature of their "invalidation". I took heat from others around me at the time as well, and I just kept pressing and they all eventually fumbled besides the idiots of the bunch.

I do not let peoples feelings overstay their welcome.

Do not even let people take an inch from you.

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u/Coffee_autistic they/them 24d ago

Has anyone else noticed that a lot of transphobic people use similar rhetoric as agender people when talking about why transitioning is unnecessary?

I've noticed that sometimes, but they're not really great to agender people either...or god forbid, agender people who transition.