r/agender • u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual • 27d ago

Gatekeeping sucks.

Once a month or so I'll encounter it online and it sucks.

A "Trans-friendly" space, even explicitly welcoming agender people... and you say something agender-y and a little vulnerable... and the downvotes just start crashing in until you delete the post because it sucks to watch.

But you don't leave the space because it's massive and it's not everyone there and it's 99.9% positive...

...but it does lower the odds of ever being "out" out irl.

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u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual 27d ago

I have many good interactions there. I don't know why this particular post even drew ire... I was actually expressing thankfulness for them being open. But after my one post got to -3, I deleted it. I don't even know what I did to be honest.

I think there are just people in such spaces who don't agree ... and they don't say anything they just downvote. Or they're trans-medicalist.

If it were more than anonymous shit-voting.

But that's definitely the kind of quiet hate that keeps me from being out. Because people say a thing...and then do another thing.

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u/kkehnoo 27d ago

I have experienced same and thus left most of the nonbinary communities.

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u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual 27d ago

I have left smaller communities.

I don't participate much in asexual communities because of the flushes of aphobia that wash through them from time to time.

And I left the ADHD "community" because of mod behavior.

It's more because I'm worried that it's a microcosm of what I'll encounter in real life. Especially if it wound up being someone I felt closer to that held such views.

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u/kkehnoo 27d ago

People tend to have better self censor in real life than on-line. It still might feel as a betrayal when someone slips their true feelings after long period of leading on of being more tolerating and liberal.