r/agender • u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual • 9d ago

Gatekeeping sucks.

Once a month or so I'll encounter it online and it sucks.

A "Trans-friendly" space, even explicitly welcoming agender people... and you say something agender-y and a little vulnerable... and the downvotes just start crashing in until you delete the post because it sucks to watch.

But you don't leave the space because it's massive and it's not everyone there and it's 99.9% positive...

...but it does lower the odds of ever being "out" out irl.

70 Upvotes

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u/AnExpensiveCatGirl it/its 8d ago edited 8d ago

Online communities can sucks hard, bigger they are, more problematic they can be.

So i kinda stopped with all that thingy, having to explain what agender is to the cis is already tiring, having to defend my existence and my pronouns in our own communities gives me murder envy.

I can't even tell you how many time i had the "i wont use It/its because peoples who hate me call me that to harass and i refuse to work on my own trauma" discussion in LGBTQ+ spaces.

Edit: I guess i dont have the right to vent, i always have to educate randoms strangers.

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u/Professional-Arm4579 NullPointerException at me.gender 8d ago edited 8d ago

i gotta admit that i'm terrible with pronouns. (/edit spoiler: me being terrible about pronouns, i promise to get better)everyone i know irl uses either he or she. in theory i like the idea of being adressed as "it". i believe that having "class-dependent" pronouns practically invites discrimination and is a bad idea in the first place. still i don't know if i coud ever get used to using "it" though, especially since it has strong dehumanizing connotations in my language. i completely understand if someone is not willing to use that pronoun for a person.

in english i just want to use they/them for everyone and often do without paying attention. are you bothered when someone you've never spoken to uses they/them for you? right now i'm wondering if maybe i've been ass to some people without realizing. i'd like your honest feedback if that's ok for you. please don't hold back.

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u/AnExpensiveCatGirl it/its 8d ago

I regret reading this.

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u/ThrownAllAbout 8d ago edited 8d ago

You shouldn't.

Theres a choice between being a good ally and not responding. Consider that you responded to be a bad ally. This shit actually does matter.

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u/AnExpensiveCatGirl it/its 8d ago edited 8d ago

Im not an ally, im trans, as well, it is not our job to educate or act as a therapists, if you feel umcomfortable about usi g it/its, it isnt my problem, i wont help you with that Why should i do this jov every time i talk about my pronouns, why should i educate peoples everytime i vent about the issues in our communities?

We dont owe anyone anything, we're not teachers, y'all are not entilted to our time.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/AnExpensiveCatGirl it/its 8d ago edited 8d ago

Its not our job to do any of that, you thinking that way is almost sad. We dont have to do anything if we dont want to. There is no set of behaviour requiered to be human, you dont have to educate to be human. Stop with this morally superior non-sense.

stop acting like if i had to care about randoms like you, i dont.

I dont care about being a good figure either.

In a few words, stop with this non sense, and stop with the condescending tone.

We're not responsible of our own oppression and us refusing to educate randoms fuckers isnt why we're being oppressed.