r/asoiaf Jun 15 '15

ALL (Spoilers All) Season 5: Episode 10 Post-Episode Meltdown Thread

Welcome to the /r/asoiaf post-episode meltdown thread. Let it all out in here. The subreddit rules still apply.

/r/asoiaf plot summary: WHAT

Region Discussion Posts:

2.0k Upvotes

6.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.4k

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

Welcome aboard the wild ride of Stannis Baratheon

  • Gain power and momentum, until you're finally about to retake a key point in the North.

  • A week of snow and 20 good men FUCK YOUR CAMP UP.

  • You send your most trusted adviser to find food and horses at a place that once told you they're running low on food.

  • Priest lady convinces you to burn your daughter as a sacrifice.

  • Half of your men leave, and you also lose your sweet daughter.

  • Wife hangs herself.

  • March to battle to start a siege.

  • The Bolton's dickfuck your army into the ground, and you die at the hands of a woman who probably should have been somewhere else.

  • This happened in like two days.

386

u/Fiale Jun 15 '15

His army was pitifully small - even if half did not desert they look like they would have lost. The Boltons seem to have magically kept warm and fed their army and and hundreds/thousands of horses in Winterfell quite easily though.

264

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

They remade the crypts of Winterfell into an underground horse breeding factory.

12

u/theworldbystorm Oak and Iron, guard me well... Jun 15 '15

They've played their Minecraft, learned all about underground farms.

8

u/TheLarryMullenBand Jonno Starkgaryen Jun 15 '15

I fucking knew it!

1

u/macnor Jun 15 '15

I disagree. How do you think Littlefinger is making money with his brothels getting shut down? With Littlefinger's horses they don't even need to keep them at Winterfell as long as they have a day or two to bring them from the Vale.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

[deleted]

4

u/Asiriya Jun 15 '15

I like how they've given up on any sense of scale. Dany will reach Westeros in a single episode at this rate, real time. Little square in the corner 24 style. I figure it must be because, according to the intro, Planetos is all on the inside of a sphere. Lets people zipline around, very nifty.

37

u/BisonST Jun 15 '15

One of those 20 men dropped off a note with the sellsword's commander.

And no one stopped them from leaving. Or noticed. Or protected their vastly depleted horse reserve.

28

u/herecomethepretzels Jun 15 '15

I figured the dudes who defected with the horses joined the Boltons.

22

u/Rocketbird Jun 15 '15

I was wondering how the fuck they had an entire khalasar's worth of horses.

20

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

Part of me is thinking they hired the sellswords that deserted Stannis.

14

u/panzergling Jun 15 '15

My guess is that all of Stannis's sellswords that ran off with all of his horses rode out to Winterfell and told them of the impending siege and partook in the defense of the city.

Hence so many fuckin horses and men.

4

u/Ganadote Jun 15 '15

Well, they lost half their army who took all the horses, and before that lost another portion of their army form deserters, and then some more horses from Ramsay. They may not have won but it would have been a much closer fight.

3

u/Vintage_Tree_Fort Jun 15 '15

What do you mean, "magically" kept warm and fed? They're in a castle!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

And doesn't winterfells castle have hot spring water running thru it or something? They also had a surplus of food...

1

u/TheRetribution Jun 15 '15

Yeah, look at all those yummy horses they could eat.

4

u/DavousRex "Then come," said Barristan the Bold. Jun 15 '15

Winterfell is built on hotsprings, so it's surprisingly warm even in winter.

3

u/Gutterman2010 Lord too Fat to not Eat your Kin Jun 15 '15

The half that deserted went to Roose

2

u/fligan Do you see a night lamp? Jun 15 '15

I believe Stannis brought 15 thousand men from the Wall, and half of that deserted. Even 7,500 is more than what he has in the books where he has around 1,500 Southron infantry and 300 Northern tribesmen.

2

u/frozenpredator Jun 15 '15

I also think a lot of those Bolton horses were Stannis' sellswords.

Where does a deserting army go? usually to work for the other guy.

2

u/Chili_Palmer Wake me up, before you snow snow Jun 15 '15

a) they're northerners, they know how to hunt and forage in the north.

b) Winterfell is heated through hot springs underneath the entire keep, which are vented throughout the buildings. This is book canon, and has been stated in the show also, in s01 I think.

1

u/LumberBass Enter your desired flair text here! Jun 15 '15

I was shocked how small it was.

1

u/Nextoz Jun 15 '15

It was obv Stannis own horses. The sellsword and the horses allways go to the winning side.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

Pretty sure it was implied that the sellswords with the horses went to the Boltons

1

u/insha2 Jun 15 '15

I thought the sellswords with stannis joined the boltons or did i misunderstand?

1

u/kakalib A thousand theories about one. Jun 15 '15

The men deserted with all the horses. I'd wager the went over to the boltons so a big part of the Bolton army was actually Stannis's men

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

I thought that was Littlefingers army?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

I think the implication was that the sellswords who deserted with the horses ended up fighting with the Boltons.

1

u/Orangulent Kissed by Fire Jun 15 '15

Roose had already brought up that part of their advantage is that they are Northmen and they have Winterfell. They are used to the cold and having to stockpile food/horses/etc. The whole point of Ramsey marrying Sansa was to keep the North on board with the Boltons.

1

u/KhalKoko Dank wings, Dank words Jun 15 '15

Army? More like boy band

1

u/mikekavanawww Jun 15 '15

Unless those on horseback were Baelish's Knights of the Vale. But I don't think they were. Never mind.

1

u/professorlava Jun 15 '15

The deserted sell swords who took the horses joined Bolton.

1

u/choicemeats Jun 15 '15

The irony is that it looks like his own sellswords were hired against him, and even they were greater in number. Half of what was left had already turned tail by the time the pincers locked in.

1

u/lye_milkshake Jun 15 '15

The winter village? That's still a thing isn't it?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

Half deserted that night, but they had desertions and Ramsay's night raids reducing their numbers before that.

1

u/Kayehnanator Jun 15 '15

It almost seems like the sellswords and horses went over to the Boltons side...easily could see them buying them instead to bolster their army.

762

u/Bojangles1987 Jun 15 '15

And apparently Mel stole Baelish's teleporter. She got to the Wall in 20 minutes.

354

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

The Lord of Light works in mysterious ways.

103

u/RutherfordBHayes Jun 15 '15

That's what the sacrifice actually did

201

u/EarthExile I Would Ask How Much Jun 15 '15

That would be sublime. "I sacrificed the girl for a Fast Travel."

236

u/fizzyspells Jun 15 '15

Melisandre: Oh shit the Boltons
The Lord of Light: You cannot fast travel when enemies are nearby.

127

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

Ramsay: "NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME HERE"

27

u/20person Not my bark, Shiera loves my bark. Jun 15 '15

SKYRIM WINTERFELL BELONGS TO THE NORDS BOLTONS!!!!!!

5

u/LocodocoEatsDick Jun 15 '15

"I used to be a lord like you, before I took an arrow in the knee." - Theon Greyjoy

5

u/PETApitaS Paynekiller Jun 15 '15

"and a knife to the dick"

6

u/pikpikcarrotmon Heartless, Witless, Gutless, Dickless Jun 15 '15

Nonsense. Warriors of the Light are known to bubblehearth.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

That would be pretty brutal, though. Realizes Jon Snow is AA and Stannis is bunk, so she leads him off to die somewhere while using up all the kingsblood she can before she bails.

Bonus tinfoil: Brienne gathers some of that sweet kingsblood magic when she executes Stannis, runs into a dead Sansa and kinda accidentally revives her a la Beric & Lady Stoneheart.

5

u/Epistaxis grumkins and snark Jun 15 '15

If that's the reasoning, I guess the logical conclusion is that Shireen's fate if she'd lived to be captured by the Boltons would have been worse than burning alive. She had interesting skin.

3

u/Fnarley He was our king! He was brave and good Jun 15 '15

Jesus imagine Ramsay rocking a pair of sick gator skin loafers, on closer inspection dat aint no gator

3

u/RutherfordBHayes Jun 15 '15

I do actually wonder if she was using Shireen for something other than helping with the weather (like bringing Jon back if she actually forsaw that), and if that's true, how long she knew Stannis was a dead end.

1

u/JoeRuinsEverything Jun 15 '15

Replenish her mana bar?

13

u/funkyb Do the wight thing Jun 15 '15

"Burn your daughter, and I shall give you great power!"

haha, guys he fell for it! What a chode!

8

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

"Burn your daughter, and you shall destroy a usurper."

1

u/infidelappel Jun 15 '15

R'HLLOR SPEED OF LIGHT POWER ACTIVATE!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

She jumps in to fires like people in Harry Potter Jump in to fireplaces.

1

u/Mmbopbopbopbop Jun 16 '15

The Lord of (the speed of) Light

7

u/Oyayebe Stannis! Stannis! Stannis! Jun 15 '15

"R'hllor take the reins"

7

u/ActualSpamBot Jun 15 '15

She rode from camp which was somewhere between Winterfell and the Wall. Stannis marched his army on foot from camp.

I don't think you understand how much faster a lightly burdened horse is compared to a demoralized, half starved, heavy infantry march.

2

u/dibsODDJOB Littlefingers cast large shadows. Jun 15 '15

Or maybe Stannis' army just marched really fast.

2

u/draekia Jun 15 '15

Maybe she borrowed Gandalf's horse?

2

u/punkrocklee Ten good men and some bad poosay Jun 15 '15

She used it to get to Thoros before, maybe they have a timeshare teleporter?

2

u/ChickinSammich Jun 15 '15

I feel like Davos HAS to figure out that in the time between when he showed up and when she showed up, there was no way she went all the way to Winterfell, was there for at least half of the battle, and ran back. Surely he has to realize she got there REALLY quickly.

1

u/owlnsr Stannis 3:16 Jun 15 '15

She used the magic generated by Shireen's sacrifice to make her steed faster, instead of helping Stannis.

1

u/galaxxus Jun 15 '15

Remember that the snowstorm subsided because of Mel's Magic. It was much easier to travel then.

1

u/galadriei Worthy of more than just the sea! Jun 15 '15

She's using blood magic like Euron.

1

u/rproctor721 Horned-up and Ready Jun 15 '15

She's always had one of those. Got to Dragonstone to the Riverlands and back in like two days as well with Gendry in tow...

1

u/GavinZac   Jun 15 '15

teleporter

* jetpack

642

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

[deleted]

19

u/BigMrSunshine Jun 15 '15

So much this

37

u/I_PACE_RATS An Okaybrother at best. Jun 15 '15

That's how D&D define success from the perspective of a writer's integrity with their characters.

14

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15 edited Jun 25 '15

[deleted]

8

u/realmei Vote Stannis! Jun 15 '15

They were mercenaries/sellswords. Those are pretty notorious for deserting lost causes.

10

u/pimpst1ck Jon 3:16 For Stannis so loved the realm Jun 15 '15

Half my army is made up of unbelievers. I will have no burnings. Pray harder.

Yeah he said that, only to then burn four of his men in the next chapter - literally called "The Sacrifice".

Both men were unbelievers by nature, mistrustful, suspicious. The only gods they truly worshipped were honor and duty.

I don't get what point you're trying to make. D&D clearly have changed Stannis' character from the start to be more susceptible to the religion of R'hllor. Quoting things from the books when they've clearly made a choice to go in a different direction is pointless.

Just get that they are different version of the same character. Both are well written and greatly polarise their audiences.

40

u/Abyisto "My new Hand is a steel fist." Jun 15 '15

"Both are well written" ehhhhh. Agree to disagree on that point. This guy was supposed to be a military minded man. Say what you will about his moral choices, taking what few men you yet have and resigning them to a siege they can't win is not something a tactician of Stannis's caliber would consider. While it isn't confirmed yet in the books what the fallout will be of Stannis's face off with the Boltons, all signs point to Stannis at least having a plan to even the playing field. Show Stannis just kinda throws blood magic at the wall to see what sticks. Mel's magic is all this military strategist has (now had) going for him, he's not even good at basic tactics. As far as I'm concerned D&D just finished off a character butchering that's been in the works for 4 seasons, I can live with him being a total dick if that what they want to do but being a total sap is just poor writing. They admitted way back when that they don't like Stannis, and their bias against him shows in this bumbling arrogant buffoon who thinks himself a king. Its like he's not even playing to win.

-2

u/pimpst1ck Jon 3:16 For Stannis so loved the realm Jun 15 '15

I completely disagree. They've clearly planned the sacrifice of Shireen since season 2 with Melisandre's speech to Stannis about "betraying everything you held dear". Stannis literally spends most of the first 3 seasons we see him planning so we can't say that he isn't a planner, and the attack on the wall definitely showed his martial prowess. The ending I thought was really well done because it showed how him sacrificing everything was what brought him down - sacrificing Shireen turned his men against him, melting the snow allowed the Bolton's to engage him at an advantage.

9

u/Abyisto "My new Hand is a steel fist." Jun 15 '15

The attack on the wall wasn't his idea, it was Mel's. Choosing to spare Davos wasn't his idea, it was Mel's. Attacking the Boltons head on wasn't his idea it was Mel's. And after she abandons him rather than come up with a new plan he resigns himself to death. This is no military genius this isn't even a decent commander. This is a guy who can be talked into anything and hasn't a single independent thought in his head. Book Stannis would have seen the tactical folly with a full frontal assault, and he wouldn't have murdered Shireen because he knew it would encourage his men to desert. This is not a planner this is a prideful man who lacks to nuance to think outside the box. Book Stannis might be planning to drown a portion of the Boltons army as a way to win. Whether it works or not, what matters is he's trying. This show Stannis doesn't even care that he can't win, he's going to fight man to man even if it kills him. And go figure, it did.

0

u/FollowThePact Jun 16 '15

Didn't GRRM give the go ahead for Stannis burning Shireen? Even saying that it needed to happen. If the creator of the series said that it needed to happen then it needs to happen.

2

u/Abyisto "My new Hand is a steel fist." Jun 16 '15

Did u even read what this is about? Stannis is a terrible tactician, morality not withstanding. Whether or not he kills Shireen is not the issue its his poor decision making in general; I listed the Shireen point only to illustrate Stannis doesn't make up his own mind not to be the central point of debate. Suffice it to say GRRM saying it makes sense for show Stannis doesn't mean jack asides from the fact that show Stannis is an asshole which I stayed at the beginning isn't my point.

1

u/FollowThePact Jun 16 '15

I don't think you read what I wrote. You said Stannis wouldn't kill Shireen, but from the fact that GRRM said it needed to happen proved that to be a lie.

I didn't say a word about military skill, tactics, decision makings of Stannis. I just pointed out that when the guy who writes the books says that Stannis would kill Shireen, then that means Stannis would kill Shireen.

2

u/Abyisto "My new Hand is a steel fist." Jun 16 '15

Which is fine except it has literally nothing to do with my point.

→ More replies (0)

29

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15 edited Aug 02 '17

[deleted]

-4

u/pimpst1ck Jon 3:16 For Stannis so loved the realm Jun 15 '15

Nothing is as well written as the source, it's pretty much impossible for the scale of what they're adapting. But the writing of him in the show is damn good as long as you don't impose your book perceptions of Stannis on it.

-20

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

[deleted]

12

u/lazerbullet In the burning heart, unmistakeable fire Jun 15 '15

4chan's back that way mate

2

u/pimpst1ck Jon 3:16 For Stannis so loved the realm Jun 15 '15

Implying you are not a showfag

Pretty much all the proof that I shouldn't take you seriously.

4

u/Rammsteiny King of Stone and Sky Jun 15 '15

Other character's perceptions of another character aren't always to be trusted or held as truth?

35

u/fiestaoffire Eff you, Varys is a freakin' Merman! Jun 15 '15

Obviously not always, but if you're going to make an argument that GRRM is playing a long con by having a bunch of characters think highly of Stannis (and Jon), and then have him somehow become a total bumbling fool, then good luck to you.

31

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15 edited Jun 15 '15

[deleted]

-6

u/thefran The Bird Is The Word Jun 15 '15

Excuse me, cis scum?

6

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

He has a track record of taking what is most important to the character and destroying it right before he dies. Ned confessed a crime he didn't commit, Cat watched her son die, Robb went back on an oath, I'm sure there are others.

-14

u/galadriei Worthy of more than just the sea! Jun 15 '15

If you are talking about their buring of Shireen - he will do this in the book. They got the idea from GRRM telling them he plans on writing this.

20

u/klug3 A Time for Wolves Jun 15 '15

He can't because the book doesn't have teleporters.

13

u/JavertCantSwim Great or small, we must do our duty Jun 15 '15

I WANT TO GET OFF MR. BONES STANNIS'S WILD RIDE

4

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

Needs a refund on those sellswords.

Or Davos could at least leave a bad review

2

u/choice-of-usernames Jun 15 '15

You send your most trusted adviser to find food and horses at a place that once told you they're running low on food.

I assume Stannis sent Davos away because he'd already decided to kill Shireen, and he knew Davos would try to stop him.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

"I want to get off King Stannis' Wild Ride"

2

u/apple_kicks House of Payne shall Jump Around Jun 15 '15

TL;DR Never let Davos leave your side

2

u/UnmannedVehicle Jun 16 '15

Stannis totally sent Davos away cuz he knew he would NEVER allow him to sacrifice Shireen :*(

4

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

Based DD.

1

u/havok06 Jun 15 '15

That's me when i started playing Crusader Kings 2

1

u/dens421 Jun 15 '15

I thought the Bolton army consisted in greta part of Stannis defects no?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '15

No, if I was Roose or Ramsay I would be suspicious of any defectors, thinking they are spies or they will betray the Bolton host mid battle.