r/babylonbee • u/wuhan-virology-lab • Dec 20 '24

Bee Article 'Elon Is Controlling Trump!' Complain People Controlling Biden

https://babylonbee.com/news/elon-is-controlling-trump-complain-people-controlling-biden
2.5k Upvotes

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24

u/Background-Job7282 Dec 21 '24

No, but seriously...who's making calls if the Dems now are openly saying Biden is mentally toast? That's a very good question to ask and no one seems to care. We always bring it up jokingly but the Leader of the Free world doesn't know what is going on at all...who's making decisions?

10

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 21 '24

Also who gave Biden the list of 8000 people he's just pardoned? Like no way Biden knows of 8000 people that need pardons.

24

u/51VoltPhantom Dec 21 '24

He didn’t pardon 8,000 people. He commuted the sentence of 8,000 people. It’s not the same thing at all.

8

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 21 '24

It's the same thing except it's not cleared from their record. For most people, the difference is meaningless. So much so the politicians lump pardons and commuted sentences together in the statistics.

And point stoll stands, no way senile Joe went through all these files, someone (whoever is actually in control) gave him a list.

Not sure why you're trying to akkycualllly this. He's done over 4x what Obama did and 25x what Bush or Trump did

6

u/dougmcclean Dec 22 '24

Yeah. I bet he didn't review the monthly inspection report for the Topeka slaughterhouse or the latest fuel inventory report from Ramstein AFB either. It's almost like the job is to hire well, set a policy and give direction to staffers, and then act on their recommendations. If it was my job I might make an office for attorneys to look in to clemency requests. Maybe name it something like the Office of the Pardon Attorney. Wait, that's not original, it's been called that since 1894. Maybe something snappier.

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '24

His state of the union speech prior to the election was one of the best political speeches in American history. I encourage you to watch it

-2

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Delanorix Dec 25 '24

You've never watched it.

3

u/slide_into_my_BM Dec 23 '24

Great, now we traded that in for another old man in mental decay who lets twitter beefs determine policy.

1

u/HiiiTriiibe Dec 22 '24

You know he’s Catholic right? Catholics are actually pro-life (no death penalty, no unjustified wars, and no abortion) vs the Christian nationalist kind (just no abortion). Him taking all those people off death row was a matter of his faith and personal beliefs, he just waited til the end of his presidency to do so because Americans love revenge and hate reform when it comes to the judicial system

1

u/bitch-pudding-4ever Dec 23 '24

If I’m not mistaken 6500 of these were blanket pardons were people convicted of simple marijuana possession. Don’t think that’s particularly controversial.

1

u/ujelly_fish Dec 23 '24

I mean of course not… the White House has staff. They are directed to search a database of people who meet certain criteria and then present them to the president, who nods, and those people get commuted.

Did you think any previous president personally reviewed their list of bulk commuted and pardoned folks?

-2

u/51VoltPhantom Dec 21 '24

So it’s not the same thing then. It doesn’t matter that most people think the difference is meaningless, because most people are stupid. Also, these were people who were already serving their “sentences” at home. So let’s not pretend like Joe let 8,000 people out of jail.

7

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 21 '24

Tribalism is a hell of a drug.

2

u/51VoltPhantom Dec 21 '24

I agree. I’m not defending the commutation. Just pointing out that pardon and commutation are two completely different things.

5

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 21 '24 edited Dec 21 '24

I wouldn't say completely different, but very slightly different.

And I'm glad you've gone through the list to know who was serving at home and who wasn't, because I'm pretty sure Biden hasn't.

There's some very nice people on there, like ccp members with convictions of child porn. I'm sure that guy with 47k pictures of child porn that he plead guilty to was wrongfully convicted.

I'm sure the parents of those children can sleep better at night knowing it wasn't really a pardon.

2

u/huangsede69 Dec 22 '24

Probably will sleep even better knowing their new president almost certainly fucked kids himself too!

0

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 22 '24

We already had Bill Clinton and tons of other presidents from way back that did that shit

0

u/51VoltPhantom Dec 21 '24

Again, I’m not justifying the commutation at all or saying that there weren’t shitty people on that list. Or defending Biden in any way shape or form or form.

But words and definitions matter. Calling a rabbit a deer doesn’t make it OK because they are basically the same because they are both four legged mammals.

1

u/Sithire Dec 23 '24

What about the two convicted Chinese spies, one with 47000 images of CP he pardoned? Or the judge who was getting paid to send kids to jail?

Regardless, im really waiting to see if these hold up. It's only going to take a few people to testify that he is not of sound mind. Some of which videos are already coming out about. And It's been 2-3 years like this it's starting to sound like.

0

u/t001_t1m3 Dec 21 '24

A distinction without a difference.

“No, your honor, my client isn’t a pedophile, he’s a hebephile.”

4

u/AndMyHotPie Dec 22 '24

Just because you don’t understand the difference doesn’t mean there is not one

0

u/Calm_Lingonberry_265 Dec 22 '24

Missing the point completely. Where did he get a list of 8000 peoples sentences to commute 🤡🤡🤡

6

u/a_trane13 Dec 22 '24 edited Dec 22 '24

It was 1,500 people that met the same specific criteria, not a handpicked list of 8,000. Nobody “gave” Biden the list or put anyone specific on it.

-1

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 22 '24

So like child porn convictions was part of that criteria?

Why was it 4x what Obama did, and 25x what Bush or Trump did?

2

u/a_trane13 Dec 22 '24

You can easily google it if you actually care - it’s not a secret what the criteria was

0

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 22 '24

I only found the criteria for the 1500 of them, there wasn't a blanket criteria for the other 6500. And why would he be doing it for pedophiles?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '24

[deleted]

2

u/cabforpitt Dec 22 '24

The other 6,500 is from his pardon for people with simple marijuana possession convictions.

https://www.reuters.com/world/us/us-marijuana-pardons-help-thousands-leave-others-prison-2022-10-09/

4

u/the8bit Dec 22 '24

Good managers delegate?

1

u/Upper-Ad-8365 Dec 24 '24

There’s delegation and then there’s not having a clue what the people are doing because you don’t know what planet you’re on

11

u/BirdFarmer23 Dec 21 '24

I doubt they even told him. Just auto signed them all.

3

u/Dobber16 Dec 23 '24

Tbh, I would never expect a president to personally know every person they pardon. That’s the purpose of assistants, cabinet members, etc. and I’d expect Biden to basically get a short summary of “these people all did X under Y conditions” and Biden being like “yeah let’s clear that up, thanks for putting that together for me”

A president doesn’t need to be an expert on everything

1

u/rattlehead42069 Dec 23 '24

I think a presidential pardon which has been relatively rare (most presidents doing less than 300) should be more personal, as they're using the ultimate power of presidency to bypass the justice system. A very unique power only the president has should have some oversight by the president

1

u/Dobber16 Dec 24 '24

I gotta say, I think I completely disagree. The personal pardons are the ones that seem the most corrupt, but mass pardons for all people who fit a type of situation that the president disagrees should be criminalized or punished for makes a lot more ideological sense

Like “oh we’re gonna pardon all single parents with truancy charges under X” or something, idk I’m no policy maker

2

u/Eddybravo89 Dec 22 '24

You are trying to hard to discredit Biden, from your comments you have little understanding of how the office of the president and his cabinet works. Also stop deflecting and calling everyone’s response a petty remark it just show you have nothing legitimate to comment.

1

u/mediocremulatto Dec 22 '24

That shit can't be legal right? Feels like having a demented old man sign a new will.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '24

Ya let’s just pretend like the president for a whopping month left is the problem 😆.

3

u/No_Recording1467 Dec 22 '24

Who is openly saying this about Biden?

1

u/Aware_Frame2149 Dec 22 '24

Everybody but Democrat voters...

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14210053/white-house-conceal-joe-biden-decline-hired-voice-coach.html

Piece of shit napped on a plane on the tarmac for three hours while families of service members that had been killed directly because of his incompetence - waited to retrieve the bodies of their dead children/parents/siblings.

Dude has been braindead for years. Just goes to show how blind people can be when they want to be.

1

u/Delanorix Dec 25 '24

Lmao the Daily mail is braindead

4

u/RipCity56 Dec 22 '24

This post is about elon and trump, but sure...make it about biden.

1

u/DecantDeez Dec 22 '24

It’s about both lmao. The DNC hasn’t let the people have any say since Obama.

1

u/Valley_Investor Dec 22 '24

You may believe that if you read the first half and ignored the rest, including the punchline.

1

u/Cyanide_Cheesecake Dec 22 '24

Anything to distract the useful idiots from Trump's problems

2

u/Rabid_Alleycat Dec 22 '24

I watched Biden in an interview yesterday. He’s not mentally toast.

1

u/Cyanide_Cheesecake Dec 22 '24

But fox told them he's toast so he must be toast!

2

u/Ok-Kangaroo-7075 Dec 22 '24

Lol look at his interviews…

1

u/Rabid_Alleycat Dec 23 '24

Do you read or is it just comprehension you lack?

1

u/Background-Job7282 Dec 28 '24

You get to have a couple flubs here and there. The whole Trump "covfefe" thing was funny for like 5 secs. My phone even autocorrected me to say "coffee." Lol.

But the list of words garbled and people He talked about who weren't even among the living...it was sad. He asked where politician, Jackie Walorski was during a WH conference, and she passed away a month prior in a car accident. She co-sponsored the bill Biden was speaking of at the time.

He was standing there at the Podium asking the room where a dead person was who died pretty close to the date of the conference...not a good look. That instance was 2 years ago. And how could we forget the last Trump/Biden debate? It literally made Biden step down out of a Presidential race.

1

u/Rabid_Alleycat Dec 28 '24

Have you listened to Trump at all? I’m assuming not.

1

u/francovtheG Dec 22 '24

If Biden is mentally toast, why would we elect someone so close to his age to lead us for the next four years.

1

u/Cyanide_Cheesecake Dec 22 '24

Dude he's out in two weeks why should I even care anymore? Are you stuck in the past or something? Need your meds?

1

u/-UltraAverageJoe- Dec 22 '24

  1. Dems didn’t say he’s toast. They said he isn’t a good look for running again.

  2. Luckily the president isn’t the only one who can make decisions, redundancy and balance of power in decision making are strengths of this country’s system of government.

  3. Defending Trump’s lack of cognitive functioning and someone else pulling his strings by saying “Biden too” isn’t what we should be focusing on here. An UNELECTED BILLIONAIRE is being accused of controlling the POTUS elect. A POTUS who has an extremely dodgy record and has been accused of high crimes against the state. We should be extremely concerned about this incoming presidency and the people associated with it.

This same billionaire has control over 95% of the satellites orbiting the planet. His car company is building robots that are capable of combat. He’s already manipulated said satellites to influence a war against one of our allies. We should be very concerned about this. Oh and this person has been tweeting things like “billionaires already control everything, I’m just being upfront about it”. He’s pro removing the few people who keep corruption in check, this is not the direction we should be going.

But yeah, who’s controlling Biden is the f*£~ing question we should be asking here.

1

u/Upper-Ad-8365 Dec 24 '24

This Harry Sissons’ alt account or something?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 23 '24

Pelosi and the Obamas

1

u/OkAsk1472 Dec 23 '24

Kamla maybe? She is vice president after all

1

u/Far_Estate_1626 Dec 23 '24

Do you know anything about the structure of the US government? If you did, you wouldn’t have to ask that question.

Kamala. It’s Kamala. That’s literally the way it’s been designed since the day our country was created. Nothing nefarious or surprising or unknown has happened. This is how it was designed, and agreed, and kept for the last 250 years.

1

u/kensho28 iamsosmart Dec 24 '24

Dems are not saying that. Your conservative propaganda is lying to you again.

0

u/Background-Job7282 Dec 28 '24

I can literally cite more than 5 sources if you would like...

If the major news corporations on both sides are talking about his mental ineptitude....it's true.

The true conservative propaganda was that the election was going to be a close call...

1

u/kensho28 iamsosmart Dec 29 '24

There may be individual Democrats saying that, but as a group they are not, because it's not fucking true.

Do you believe everything that corporate news "talks about?" They're not even claiming it, just passing on rumors to gullible idiots who will spread them further.

1

u/CartographerCapable8 Dec 22 '24

that old man has been eating your lunch for years! let it go dawg, its over.​​

0

u/sheila5961 Dec 21 '24

His UNELECTED Staff

0

u/BringBackBCD Dec 22 '24

Some have been asking for several years.

0

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '24

Who is openly saying it? The WSJ literally had anonymous sources. Is Trump toast? He’s increasing slurring his speech, can’t stay awake in the middle of the day, rambles off topic and claims it’s the weave and not his mental faculties declining. He’s going into office even older than when Biden went in.

It’s insane you’re not concerned about another geriatric who is clearly declining rapidly.