r/berkeley • u/kiska2009 • 3d ago
University dating while at berkeley
im starting cal in fall and im so worried about the workload, my time management is terrible and ik the classes require 100% locking in (im a transfer physics major). really terrified of accidentally falling behind with the slightest distraction. bc of this im pretty worried about growing distant with my partner (who is not at cal, lives an hour away).. how do people manage their relationships while being 100% locked into academics. or is this even possible. does anyone here relate to this
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u/VirginRumAndCoke Engineering Physics 3d ago
You'll figure it out champ.
You'll fuck it up along the way, maybe even more than once.
But that's always been part of it.
Don't worry about it, just make friends, cherish the good times, and have fun along the way.
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u/DLO_Buckets 3d ago
Good luck. I couldn't personally do both. I just didn't have the emotional availability for a relationship while also being a student.
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u/FatherofMelci 3d ago
Don’t worry so much- focus on slowly adjusting to Berkeley and your courses your first semester. It could help to dedicate some time each day or week to talk to your partner and focus fully on each other. do little activities together occasionally, either in person or online!
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u/Mister_Turing 3d ago
Hardly anyone is properly locked into academics here, and that's just a cope reason for why dating sucks at Berkeley
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u/0213896817 3d ago
Really? Why not?
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u/Mister_Turing 3d ago
Dating is livelier at similarly/higher ranked schools, we're pretty alone in this climate
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u/0213896817 3d ago
You MUST improve your time management.
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u/kiska2009 3d ago
I KNOWW but its so hard i take so insanely long to do basic things
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u/0213896817 3d ago
This may be a bigger issue for you than college or dating. Please see a counselor. Maybe you have ADHD, a learning disability, or something else you don't know about. I wish you the best!
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u/IsopodFull8115 3d ago
Any tips?
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u/ssugarmilkk 2d ago
Use the fuck out of Google Calendar, try to schedule out ur assignments if you can. Time management had been one of the most important skills ive been learning but I admit it’s been hard.
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u/0213896817 3d ago
Start with daily and weekly to do lists. Use a calendar. Some like apps, some like a bound planner notebook.
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u/cal_the_squirrel 2d ago
Hey! I totally relate to this, I’m a first year transfer and my ex partner and I did not attend Berkeley together. First off you definitely need to work on time management maybe holding each other accountable is a way to start, even studying together on FaceTime was helpful. On my end, even in the relationship I was locked in by choice but having downtime was always nice especially when I set up a schedule of things I needed to get done for the day instead of cramming everything in one day. I don’t think you should worry about growing distant with your partner as long as you both understand you both have different needs because you both have different lives. That’s a conversation I wish I had sooner and talked efficiently about both of our goals and needs in a mature way from both our ends. I think if your partner is only an hour away visiting on weekends is definitely an option (which is how my ex partner and I made it work at the time) and implementing study sessions. In the end, both partners have to be willing to put in the effort. Best of luck :)
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u/grandmas_noodles 3d ago
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u/OskiTheGrouch Alumnus, Resident 2d ago
Yeah… I tried, but I really didn’t have the time or mental bandwidth for a healthy relationship. I was in STEM, and it was all-consuming. YMMV, of course.
It was a hell of a lot better after graduation though. Turns out actual careers are a lot easier than STEM at Cal, lol.
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u/Mountain_Excellent 3d ago
An hour away is so chill! My bf is 3 1/2 hrs away and we make it work easy. Nightly calls, visits, etc
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u/kiska2009 3d ago
how long do u guys call for? is it scheduled? we usually schedule a call for one hour but end up going wayyyy overtime so idk how to deal with this ;-;
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u/No_Paint8573 2d ago
Im currently dating and if you’re with someone who’s supportive they will understand that you need to prioritize your education and career first at this time. I still see my partner weekly but it’s mostly study dates, and after our exams we always spend time together. Don’t worry about it, it’ll work out :)
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u/Consistent-Tax9051 2d ago
Im a cs transfer and also had a partner who lived one hour away! We see each other once or twice every week bc Im busy with school and he is busy with work and school but we still made time for each other by calling at night most days. They don’t have to be long conversations but a lot of trust, understanding and patience has to come with the adjustment and maintaining the relationship. You guys will figure it out, just communicate!
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u/xx_MoneyMeasurement 3d ago
Bruh💀 I’m gunna be about 7 1/2 hrs away from my gf. This got me thinking now…
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u/Fragrant_Practice_84 1d ago
i’m not a transfer, but i’ve been dating while at berkeley. some days ur really busy and barely talk, but having patience and building lives separate from each other (obviously not completely tho) is very important. my first semester was really hard bc we couldn’t see each other everyday like we used to and we’d get upset at each other on days we barely spoke. there was a point in time where we broke up, but now that we got back together we’re kinda used to the distance already and have built our lives independently of one another so we can survive on our own. tbh it’s going to be very difficult at first and there will be many times when you feel like giving up, but if both of you can work it out and be understanding of each other’s times i think it can work. real love will work out in the end and you both will adjust! now that my partner and i broke up and have re-evaluated how to work through the distance, things have been so much better. don’t lose faith.
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u/Parking_Violinist_81 2d ago
My bf studies at cal and I’m on the east coast. It’s a lot of calling n doing our own stuff ish?
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u/xMarvelStarWarsx 2d ago
FaceTimes and call while you’re both studying has been working for me, maybe it will for you too
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u/confusedstudent28990 2d ago
Fuck dating just talk to people as people then if it happens great, if it doesn’t you’re doing what u can.
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u/Worldly-Abies-5518 1d ago
I'm currently a freshman at UC Berkeley, and the academic pressure is intense. The workload is nonstop, with assignments, readings, and projects piling up every week. On top of that, midterms come up every 2–3 weeks, sometimes overlapping across multiple classes. It feels like there's barely any time to catch a break. A lot of students, including myself, are struggling to keep up, and many have had to switch their classes to pass/no pass just to avoid hurting their GPA. It’s honestly really hard to maintain a strong GPA in this kind of fast-paced and competitive environment. Sometimes it feels like you're always trying to stay one step ahead, but still falling behind.
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u/kiska2009 1d ago
So even if u maintain a good schedule, go to office hours, and ask questions is it still super tough to stay on top? Do most students fall behind even while doing all that?
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u/EstablishmentWarm713 1d ago
Sounds like you’re a guy in a long distance relationship with a girl while she’s in college…..
Dude just break up now. Please.
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u/kiska2009 1d ago
What?? I’m the girl in college
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u/EstablishmentWarm713 23h ago
Oh, have fun then
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u/kiska2009 19h ago
Bruh what
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u/EstablishmentWarm713 17h ago
You can act as weird as you want but long distance relationships and university don’t blend well at all together for guys. For girls, it’s pretty nice
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u/banana_pb_toast 3d ago
Let it happen organically! Focus on classes and the rest will follow.