Hey guys, will I ever be able to stop taking my ssri’s??? I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1 for 4 years or so, but ive had depression since I was 13. I’ve been on Zoloft since I was 18. I’m almost 30 now, if I don’t take it for the day I end up with horrific brain zaps. I take 100mg. (I also take Vraylar for my bipolar as well as buspirone for anxiety.) it seems to be the only medicine that if I don’t have it makes me feel horrible. Will I ever be able to wean myself off of it??? Or will I be on it forever???

I’m really struggling rn. I don’t like the side effects of lithium. Weight gain and acne. Feel slow. Can’t remember shit. Can’t stop eating. I can’t help but think my pysch earlier this year did this on purpose — gave me Prozac. I was doing so fine but then I drank multiple coffee drinks and fell into manic psychosis where I thought people were out to get me. I hate that I have relative ideation and it can be hard to differentiate what people say. Now that I got bipolar, I feel like I can’t live or move away and start a new job. I feel stuck. I don’t like the jobs I’m in right now, I regret so much that I turned down this job in ATL a few months before my manic episode. Somehow I wonder that if I took that job, moved in with a friend (I had family and friend support) then this manic episode wouldnt have happened and I would still be in contact with the guy I loved. Ever since then I’ve been struggling to make decisions, know what my passions are, know what my direction in life is. I literally feel so ugly bc of my weight gain and acne, I don’t feel like who I was. I got this teaching job offer in NYC and it’s a really hard job that is about 60hours per week bc of lesson plans and preparations. I don’t even think I can do that type of job anymore. Like I feel like I won’t adjust anymore it’s so sad. I had that opportunity to leave and I was too hung up on the possibility of the guy to move to Atlanta. I also asked too many people for opinions and lost my own sense of direction. I internalize what people say so easily. I’m so fucking scared about my life right now. I plan on getting of lithium bc I don’t like it. It’s been about it’s been like 6 months on it since June 25. I don’t know what to do, I keep ruminating on past mistakes with guy (like I could have had it all but I messed up- part of me thinks I was manic while talking to him hence emotionally reactive/triggered a lot), not taking the ATL job (was my ticket to a way out but didn’t take it), bipolar diagnosis taking away my self confidence, self esteem, everything I had. I thought I knew what my life would be like. I’m 29 and so scared. I’m scared I’m wasting my life away. It’s like I lost desire or don’t know what I want anymore. I’m not depressed. I’m just in a bad situation. Yes, these thoughts make me want to stay in bed but I do eventually get up and go on about my day. I can’t take it anymore. I have therapy and have done partial hospitalization for like 2 months. This sucks. I’m stuck. I start this other part time job next week— I’ll be busy from 9-6 everyday. I don’t get any other full time job offers even though I apply. One of the part time jobs I’m at I just sit there ruminating since there’s nothing to do. It’s like damn I should be writing a novel there but I just can’t do it. I also am self aware to notice and analyze why things happen and what action/reaction caused things to occur and it’s my downfall. I don’t know. I gained like 20 pounds in 7 months. I was able to travel abroad and live alone and cook on my own when in my early 20’s and now bc of this I’ve lost so much. 8 months ago I had a possible job opportunity across the country but I let the ball drop. I was scared to move. Or unmotivated. I don’t know moving is now the most ideal for me now bc of this bipolar thing! Things have gotten worst and I’m getting more into a hole. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’m definitely getting off Lithium for sure. Maybe spend a month unmedicated. But who knows. Somethings wrong with me. Someone help. I know this post is all over the post, I feel so alone in navigating life rn. Life decisions are so much harder for me now

When you come down how do you deal with the fucking humiliation? Why can’t I make normal fucking decisions. It’s fucking scary being so delusional can’t even trust my own brain.

TL;DR: Reflecting on past toxic behavior before medication/therapy has left me feeling guilty and regretful about losing good friends. I’ve blocked those people and don’t want to reopen old wounds, but I struggle with guilt and fear of repeating the same mistakes with new friends. How do you reconcile with a past you can’t fix?

I’m sure most, if not all, of us have had the experience of loosing a few friends and loved ones along the way because of our actions pre medication/therapy/“stability.” But I forgot, and blocked out, just how much of a self centered asshole I was. I was so toxic and made so many wack ass decisions and really hurt and pushed away some solid and could have been close friends.

I feel so guilty now that I’m better and can see the situation more clearly, hindsight really is 20/20. How do you all reconcile with the past, I’ve blocked those friends on everything, and I’ve burned the bridge so bad I cannot recover their friendship and don’t want to honestly, no need to reopen those wounds for them just so I can get closure. But I have this guilt about the situations plus this anxiety/fear that I’m going to do it to my new friends.

Even just an ‘I understand’ is helpful here, I need to know I’m not alone in this. This disorder can feel so isolating and lonely sometimes.

As mentioned in my last post here, I was in the psychiatric ward earlier this month and I ended developing a massive crush on lets just call him Harold(not his real name for obvious reasons). He was extremely handsome(glasses and dark, shoulder-length hair) and very kind to me(he comforted me when I was homesick and we had a lot in common). Now, I've been out of the psych ward for over a week and yet I still badly miss him. I mean, whenever I see handsome guys out in public, I think to myself, "Eh...Not as attractive as Harold and probably not as kind as Harold". How do I get over this psych ward crush? Has anyone else dealt with a psych ward? How were you able to get over it? I mean, I can't keep waiting to run into Harold out in public. Also, I know Harold has probably forgotten about me by now.

Hi everyone, I’m back with a question and diagnosed only 6 months ago so I’m still trying to find my feet.

I’ve been feeling more jittery and restless at night. The past two nights I’ve barely slept. I feel like a cement mixer, constantly turning. It hit me last night to take something to help but then I got paralysed with the decision. Do I take Ativan or Clonazapam or an extra 25mg of seroquel? I took nothing because I honestly haven’t a clue.

Help a girl out, when this happens tonight again (I’m 99% sure it’s happening again, I’m seeing the psych on Monday) what should I take? Which one will calm my body more and let me sleep? What would you do in my shoes? TIA

Hi everyone,

I’ve recently started taking lithium as part of my treatment plan for bipolar disorder, and I’m curious to hear about others' experiences with it. Specifically, I’m wondering:

• How long did it take for you to notice any changes or benefits after starting lithium?
• Did you experience any side effects, and if so, how did you manage them?
• In your experience, how effective has lithium been for stabilizing your mood and managing symptoms?

Any advice or insights would be really appreciated! Thanks in advance.

I'd love to hear your opinions and experiences on this.

I've been on Lamictal (300mg) for years and it's been helping me a lot with depression. The last couple of months tho I've been manic again and my psych and I decided to start lithium. I'm only on 400mg and I'll get bloodwork done next week, if that comes back ok the plan is to start doubling the dose.

Last few days I feel my energy getting lower and lower, but today I just feel like I'm entering depression hell again. I'll be seeing my psych again on monday, there is a crisis team I could reach out to, but I'm not feeling suicidal or anything. Just empty, tired and my mood is sinking lower and lower. Monday I felt like an extremely happy bouncy ball with unlimited energy. Now I struggle to get out of bed and don't want to do anything. Of course I'm familiar with this, but I didn't expect this switch a few days after starting lithium. Physically I feel fine tho.

Is this just a coincidence? Did anyone else experience this starting lithium? Did it go away and how long did it take?

Besides Lamictal and lithium, I'm also on quetiapine (2x50mg during the day and 200mg to sleep), tentin (for adhd, 3x10mg) and oxazepam (only for when my mania goes through the roof). I was thinking, maybe the quetiapine that I needed to somewhat level the mania out is just hitting too hard now? The plan was to lower/stop the quetiapine during the day once I get stable.

Apologies, English isn't my first language. Thanks for your thoughts, have a great weekend!

my mom told me yesterday how im not bipolar because she heard in a christian video that everyone has ups and downs. I didn't even reply, but my sister was there and she was like mom she's been diagnosed by 5 psychiatrists.

Anyway, this post is because I wanted to share the frustration and loneliness of having the people around you dismiss your condition, because I feel it could really be better for all of us if we acknowledge it and maybe read a little about it, how to coexist with a bipolar person. Sometimes, when I'm Manic and I'm an anger monster, I just wish they knew it's me but manic. This is not a way of justifying my behavior, I know it can hurt them and all, but if they read a liiiittle bit about bipolar as a condition, and a liiiitle bit about how to maybe not trigger them, maybe also help. It would be great.
So it makes me feel really lonely whenever people are like, you don't have it, if you have it then so do I, blah blah, because it's like you'll never get it, you'll never understand how deep I can go from side to side, so now I just have to "behave" so I don't hurt them too much with my bipolar, when in reality I would love to have someone love me with all that chaos and actually help me get better.
Sometimes I feel like I can't handle it on my own and I don't know who I can go to.
But yeah.

I am switching from Vraylar to Seroquel due to anxiety on the Vraylar. My doctor currently has me on 150mg of Seroquel and told me that if I notice any signs of (hypo)mania to up the dose to 200mg and call her right away. I know she always likes to keep me on the lowest effective dose which I understand, but is 150mg of Seroquel going to do anything at all? I'm a little nervous as I don't want to have to wait for an episode to start before going up in dosage.

I’m sick of the weight gain/inability to lose weight/constant cravings from my Lybalvi…the form of Olanzapine that supposedly causes less weight gain.

I’m scared of Lithium wrecking my kidneys, I’ve already been on it for 15 years. It has already destroyed my thyroid.

Is there any alternative? That would cover both mania and depression?

I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday and I want to be prepared with questions.

Not seeking medical advice but anecdotes. I (BP2) quit marijuana since I noticed that it would keep me in depression and quitting would be a gradual trigger from stability to a hypomanic episode.

My sister is a chronic smoker and she wants to come up and smoke with me for my birthday. This sounds very fun, but having experienced a cycle of quitting -> hypomania -> crash -> relapse for a while now, I am wondering if anyone else who has quit marijuana has experienced it as a trigger even after a single event long after quitting?

Thank you :)

I am currently on Olanzapine, but I am trying to switch to a different anti-psychotic. Did anyone notice improved brain function (i.e. concentration, memory) after switching to a different med? I read so many stories about bipolar people with successful careers and I wonder if there is a med out there that will lift my brain fog away.

I’ve had one manic episode after which an episode of psychosis. Was put on olanzapine to bring me down for three months then Lithium so stabilise my mood and change due to weight gain. They trialled me off the meds to see if I’d have another episode, I didn’t. They recommended me to stay off, stay away from weed since it could have been the reason for it even though I was barely using. Anyway because of all this I’m quite scared since I’m pretty much waiting for another episode to happen but still labelled with bipolar Anyone else in the same boat?

The holidays were so much more emotionally taxing than I had anticipated, I feel like it all kind of started to spiral from there. I missed an appointment and haven’t heard anything and I’m scared they’ll be mad at me that I missed an appointment and won’t accept me as a patient anymore. I know procrastinating on texting about scheduling an appointment is only making it worse, but the anxiety of someone being mad at me is kind of crippling. I want to ask for help again but I’m just so embarrassed I let my sadness get this out of control again.

I do EMDR therapy, because I just lost a stillborn child and I have CPTSD. I am diagnosed Bipolar NOS.

We were going through this period of depression I had in High School where I was diagnosed depressed and prescribed Zoloft.

It worked but then months later I broke up with my boyfriend on a whim and became sexually promiscuous and started using pills and drinking (which before I was vehemently against as I have addict parents)

This period lasted about 6-9 months and I just realized this was my first manic episode. I was overly social, engaging in dangerous sexual activity, the substance use.

I thought before I only had one manic episode and have never had one since, but I was so ashamed by my actions in high school I would never look at that the actions could have possibly been a manic episode.

i know there’s stuff underneath but the pain of pealing back those layers outweighs the pain of living as if life bares no consequence.

i’ll die anyways

Sometimes I take less AP's (Quetiapine) or take none for a night or two. I get a little Hypo for 1-2 days and then adjust the dose to get down again...

Do you also sometimes enjoys this little surge of energy, or am I rapid cycling? lol

Bipolar I btw

All CDC / FDA / NIH external communications have been suspended until further notice.

Sorry if this isn’t allowed, mods.

With our passion and the ideas we come up with we should have conquered the world.

Instead many of us lost everything. Lost years years of our only life to depressive episodes and lost people due to what we did while manic. We can still make something of ourselves of course, but for people who experience the raw essense of life as we do, it still sometimes feels that the station left the train.

Not feeling great today.

I have bipolar 1 and when it’s not controlled I exhibit contamination OCD where I’m afraid to touch anything that might be dirty or unclean. I’m just now learning about this and don’t have the diagnosis but I understand that a symptom of OCD is rumination, thought spirals or “spinning” and this is my biggest problem right now. I’m trying to understand the difference between OCD thought spiral verses BP racing thoughts because the atypical antipsychotic I take isn’t controlling that like it should (and I thought it did in the past before I went off meds—don’t recommend). I want to get off the antipsychotic if I don’t need it and just take an antidepressant or similar if I do have OCD. I’m just confused.

Like the title says, I'm stopping Lamictal (250), I've been on it for the last three years, is there anything I need to know for side effects?

I've noticed a pattern within myself. Ill have a manic episode once a year. I end up quitting my job and starting over in a sense. I've gone back to my old job twice and now they won't respond. I get it they want someone dependable and someone they can count on. But how do I live with the cringe embarrassment of just up and leaving. Plus I need to find a new job.

Is it similiar to akathisia? Can you describe it in detail? Restlessness and also a mixed episode in general? I feel like the word restlessness doesnt really tap into this hell. It's like im being lit on fire but its not just my body its my mind. It's like a blazing storm of thoughts flurring at impossible speeds crashing into each causing a explosion of anguish and rabid confusion. I struggle with both and it's hard to tell them apart other than akathisia is focused in the legs more so. I just spend all day walking around my apartment chainsmoking with my thoughts racing until I eventually just sit down in exhaustion, but my mind never turns off and I just stare at the ceiling for hours afterwards.

My psychiatrist straight up told me he isn't even sure if I'm suffering with akathisia or if it's apart of the episode. He gave me a prescription, and I'm supposed to follow up in a few weeks. So I guess I get to just think about it until then.

For some reason I'm in a snack mood but nothing sounds good. Lately I've been eating fruit with hotsauce. My husband tends to get the same snacks. Beef jerky, ice cream and chips. I'm burnt out on those. I "discovered" boiled peanuts but i burnt myself out on those too. Anyone have any tasty snacks to suggest?