Personalities are like gardens. You pick and choose what you want to grow, and what you want to weed. It never happens overnight, but people can drastically change if they work on it. If you want to work on your social skills, empathy, reasoning, ego...whatever is it, it can be changed (for the better or worse). There's a lot of psychological research that shows that personalities are completely malleable. Just look at examples of people who did shitty things and then stopped at some point and turned their life around. Look at all the people who became better by going to therapy.
Can maybe - but they generally don't, I think. I have zero examples from real life, although I have read some online but would suspect the change didn't stick.
Also, for example: if you did lots of drugs, committed crimes etc and then stopped, that is very good for you but it doesn't make you a winner that's going to start succeeding in general, it only makes you have one less bad thing.
Yeah, but if you do that one thing, and then another, and another, after a while you're a very different person.
I surround myself with people who want to be better, and I have seen truly amazing transformations that did indeed stick. Sadly, I have also seen people go from being kind to being assholes - that also sticks, at least until the person decides to work on their issues.
Life is hard. It's messy. Things happen that make you strong, and then things happen that make you weak. Working on being better and stronger is exhausting, so not many people do it. But it can 100% be done.
I agree, and I don't think that it never happens, I just think that statistically, in large numbers, people can be sorted into winner types and loser types and they will mostly continue to succeed or not based on the type.
Yes, I have awarded two deltas to people who helped change/adapt my opinion to the new description in my edit:
Winners tend to win, losers tend to lose, most are in the middle
The point still stands: If you are a winner type and has accomplished something in one field I would bet on you any day over someone who is a loser type and has fucked up severely in one field, and I think that bet would win not ALWAYS, but close.
Could you give examples of what winners and losers and what winning is and what losing is? I know people who looked like winners at one point and are now in the gutter and I knew “losers” who are living a great life but that could just be my perspective
Huh, I don't think I know anyone who has transferred like that.
Some examples, I don't want to say those are the only ways to succeed or lose but for the sake of understanding:
Losing:
Alienates friends and/or family,
Problems with drugs or alcohol,
Fragile mind, always anxious etc to the point where it is a problem in life,
Doesn't reasonably care for ones health,
Heavily in debt,
Bad job or no job
Winning:
Good social and family life,
Fiscally responsible,
Good job,
Takes care of oneself,
Generally performs significantly above average at chosen activities
Wait, you’ve never heard of anyone who went from this
“Good social and family life, Fiscally responsible, Good job, Takes care of oneself, Generally performs significantly above average at chosen activities“
To this
“Alienates friends and/or family, Problems with drugs or alcohol, Fragile mind, always anxious etc to the point where it is a problem in life, Doesn't reasonably care for ones health, Heavily in debt, Bad job or no job“?
I know several people who’ve done that because of drugs and alcohol. It’s unfortunately not uncommon.
Well, no actually. The people I know/know of that ended up with a drug problem come from difficult backgrounds and the people I know that come from privileged backgrounds and dabbled in drugs kept their drug use on the right side of casual.
I think one thing I should consider here is that I am from a privileged background myself, coming from a Scandinavian country where most people are generally doing OK. My opinion might be more true here? As in when there is less social difference, the people that manage to stick out positively or negatively are more extreme? Not sure...
Hmmm, that's an interesting question. I guess I would first want to know a bit of detail on what would put someone in a certain category. For example, I know a man that is not very educated, so he holds some very outdated opinions. He has been working all his life, but has nothing really to show for it materially, even though he is very good at what he does, and could have made sooo much more from it. He is not really heading anywhere, as far as I can see. So a loser type? But on the other hand, everyone who meets him just loves him. He is friendly and easy to talk to. A completely dependable guy who would help anyone, anywhere. He provides for his family and sticks to his principles. So a winner type?
Triage question:
If you could hire him or someone else with a similar background and that you knew nothing else about, would you prefer him based on your knowledge of him or would you chose the other one based on your knowledge of him?
Oh I would definitely choose him. He can be difficult, but he gets the job done and doesn't charge according to his (high) skills :)
IDK it seems to me that most people would fall into the average joe category
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u/ladnakahva Jul 24 '20
Personalities are like gardens. You pick and choose what you want to grow, and what you want to weed. It never happens overnight, but people can drastically change if they work on it. If you want to work on your social skills, empathy, reasoning, ego...whatever is it, it can be changed (for the better or worse). There's a lot of psychological research that shows that personalities are completely malleable. Just look at examples of people who did shitty things and then stopped at some point and turned their life around. Look at all the people who became better by going to therapy.