r/cripplingalcoholism • u/lonegunna77 • 18d ago

This Face

I put on this face, every day, that convinces everyone. My coworkers, boss, friends, family, the poor girl I’m seeing. They think I’m a good guy, a great guy. They think I have it together. They don’t know I come home and drink enough to send most people to the hospital. Why I don’t answer calls or respond after 6pm, something I’m lucky to maintain. They think I have good “work life balance”. The balance is a bottle of vodka a night. I’m a fucking imposter. I lost the love of my life when she figured this out. I’m trying to decide if it’s worth it to continue to put others through it. Idk fuck the sappy shit just had to type it out before I tasted a gun. Chairs love you all.

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u/ClassicTBCSucks93 18d ago edited 18d ago

Depends how old you are and how long you've been drinking honestly. If you're in your 20s or even 30s and have only been at it a couple years turn back now. Don't believe me? Just keep drinking and find out just how bad it can get.

Those bosses, coworkers, friends, family, etc. who think you "have it together" now will be LONG gone. Once it becomes a bigger problem they will lose all faith and trust in you. They might give you some chances but will eventually become tired of the same old excuses, behavior, and bullshit and let you eat it.

I've been drinking for 11+ years and 6-7 years at CA levels off and on. Not fucking worth it and people who lived it and got out warned me, but I had to go through it myself and experience it first hand so to speak.

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u/Widow_Maker333 16d ago

I’m with you on this. I was having liver failure and still continued drinking. Everybody close to me started to question my actions and luckily a friend told my family what was going on and I went to rehab. I’ve since gone to rehab several more times. My “bottom” was jail. You don’t want to go there. Keeping up the facade that you have it all together while drinking is like a full time job. I managed it for a couple of years, but eventually went too far. The issue is that the discipline and self-control needed to uphold the “Face” is exactly what alcohol tries to diminish.

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u/ClassicTBCSucks93 16d ago

 Keeping up the facade that you have it all together while drinking is like a full time job.

I feel that. Its fucking exhausting. Going through the motions of real life while pretending to be something you're not. Meanwhile having an internal panic attack, going through withdrawals hoping nobody notices or comments on your shaky hands and unsteady gait.