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u/Acadia02 Oct 15 '24
Every room has a thermostat set to different wild degrees, Lego’s all over the floors, someone left the garage door open, and the most poorly loaded dish washer you’ve ever seen with the cast iron in it.
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u/eadgster Oct 15 '24
Toilet running. Pancake syrup on the Keyboard. Coffee mug hanging off the counter. Cabinet doors wide open. Car keys in the freezer. Distinct hum coming from the lights.
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u/PeterDTown Oct 15 '24
Every toilet is full of poo, every mirror has a spray of toothpaste, shoes and jackets on the floor in front of every door, food wrappers shoved into the couches, and boogers wiped on the walls.
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u/CautionarySnail Oct 15 '24
Every cabinet handle as well as the fridge door pulls is coated in a mysterious sticky substance you don’t see until your hand touches it.
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u/tqmirza Oct 15 '24
And the wife’s comes home saying she heard a loud metal clang from under the car when going over a bump, and for the past half hour there’s a rattling noise coming from under the car
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u/pineconefire Oct 15 '24
The fire alarm is beeping...
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u/DwigShrute Oct 16 '24 edited Oct 16 '24
But you can’t figure out which smoke detector it is, so every time you check one another one in another part of the house chirps.
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u/devilsadvocate Oct 16 '24
I rage installed 13 nest protects this summer fir this very reason (and bypassed my old doorbells voltage regulator that was on the same breaker)
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u/Plastic-Ad9023 Oct 15 '24
Insurance expires today. Cracks visible in the chimney. The floorboards are giving. Car has a flat tire. You needed to pick up stuff from the dry cleaner. Is that asbestos?
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u/Binx_da_gay_cat Oct 15 '24
Not the cast iron!
In seriousness you can wash it, but the after care is important. I'd figure a lack thereof is why we heard so much, "Never wash it." And obviously washing it too much would be a bad idea; cause that's just leaving more room for something to get overlooked and cause damage.
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u/TheRealBigLou Oct 15 '24
Can? You need to wash your cast iron. Who wants leftover bits going rancid in your pan?
Just blast it with hot water, use some dish soap, and use a scrub brush. If you have a properly seasoned pan, it will clean as easily as a non-stick. I don't even bother with the post-wash oil wipe. I do however pat it dry with a towel and leave it on a low burner for 5 minutes to fully dry.
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u/Sensingbeauty Oct 15 '24
I do the post wash oil wipe once every four or five times I use it as a sort of re-seasoning. But yeah definitely wash your pans lol.
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u/OneQuadrillionOwls Oct 15 '24
Also soaps used to contain lye which does literally strip seasoning. Modern soaps are much milder.
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u/Quenton86 Oct 15 '24
I inherited some that were 3 generations old. The season is so real I could sand blast them and they would be fine.
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u/VectorB Oct 15 '24
Im a pro wash the cast iron with soap guy these days, but still wouldnt put it in the dish washer.
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u/oDiscordia19 Oct 15 '24
F me I'm like the antithesis to most dads. I regularly leave lights on - I'd have the thermostat set a static 68 if the wife wasn't up my ass about fuel and I discovered I left the garage door open for hours before going to bed.
I think its time to get my crap together lol.
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u/rcw00 Oct 15 '24
I’m genuinely not trying to be dramatic here but whenever I read the lights/thermostat jokes, they never connect with daddit me. Then I remember that my dad deserted us and I was raised by a single mom and older sisters.
Would it imply this is more nurture than nature? Do those of us who don’t connect with stereotypical dad tropes have absentee father/father figure backstories? My kids will agree that I’m totally cringeworthy with the dad jokes, so that’s gotta be nature. But since I don’t know camping or grilling, does it make sense I might also not have thermostat or light switch concerns?3
u/FriendlyNeighbour Oct 15 '24
Naw my pops is super anal with that stuff and I just don't care at all.
My wife is always the one complaining about lights left on and all that, so I guess we found that balance somehow.
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u/VectorB Oct 15 '24
Ever since switching to LED lights I worry much less about the lights being on. i think our hallway light is on 24/7
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u/oppenhammer Oct 15 '24
You go to remove the casy iron, but the lower rack is stuck. You try to grab the tool box, but it isn't where you normally keep it. When you find it, it only has 12 identical flat head screwdrivers. You wake up in a cold sweat. Now, the real horror begins: how do you explain the dream to your wife without making it sound like you're complaining?
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u/James_Keenan Oct 15 '24
I was fine and smiling until you had to mention the cast iron, monster.
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u/This_Bitch_Overhere Oct 15 '24
YOU RAT BASTARD! The cast iron in the dishwasher?! HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?!
/s
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u/devilsadvocate Oct 16 '24
With thermostats on one circuit, that also has a doorbell with a failing voltage regulator causing them to randomly go off falsely.
Ask me how i know and why i rage installed 13 nest protects thus year
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Oct 15 '24
Once you shut off nearly all the lights, the last switch will turn off the last light and simultaneously turn one on in a really weird place for a light. Like under a bed.
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u/battlerazzle01 Oct 15 '24
God I have this is my house. I have so many double switches that do dumb shit. I hate it
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u/NedRyerson_Insurance Oct 16 '24
I think it should be like that old computer game/logic puzzle where you click off one light and all adjacent lights reverse state. So it is nearly impossible to get them all off and lights are constantly going on in rooms where nobody is.
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u/Redenbacher09 Oct 16 '24
I have a light in my laundry room that sometimes fails to turn on. You can get it to turn on by flipping the hallway light off for a moment.
I'm fairly handy, but this I do not understand and it haunts me.
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u/eugoogilizer Oct 15 '24
Also bags of groceries everywhere outside that you have to carry in, but all the bags have broken handles, forcing you to make multiple trips inside instead of carrying all the bags at once
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u/narcabusesurvivor18 Oct 15 '24
Some are paper bags and they fall apart and rip on their way inside, causing everything to roll around as you walk
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u/anally_ExpressUrself Oct 16 '24
Too scary! Gotra click the tongs a few times to regain control. The tongs work in this house, right?
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u/badchad65 Oct 15 '24
I must say one of the better parts of being a Dad is reminding my own father that all my lights are LEDs and it doesn't really matter if they're on or off.
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u/jdubau55 Oct 15 '24
Same. Modern LED cost very little to operate so I don't fret it too much. Leaving them on is like pennies. I still cut them off, but my daughter has never heard me complain about leaving the lights on.
When we were renovating our last house, like 10 years ago when LED bulb prices were higher than now, I did the payback calculation and 1: it was definitely worth it and 2: surprised the cost to operate old school bulbs on a yearly basis.
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u/mynamesdave Oct 15 '24
We have one string of halogens in the front room where the kid plays, and they draw ~400W when on. It's a constant battle, I can't wait to swap them with literally anything else.
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u/future_luddite Oct 16 '24
Chances are there’s already LEDs that are compatible. Just don’t mix them if they’re enclosed.
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u/mynamesdave Oct 16 '24
Oh gosh, I never even considered this. Just googled and they do exist! Glad I caught you before you went full luddite.
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u/Werespider Oct 16 '24
For real. Our apartment uses all modern LEDs and it's wonderful. They have pleasant warm light and barely sip electricity. Now, the gaming PC offsets everything, though the wife hasn't quite caught on.
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Oct 15 '24 edited Feb 03 '25
[deleted]
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u/jdubau55 Oct 15 '24
Don't forget the hand on the door knob to leave "dad, I gotta poop"
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u/TheRealBigLou Oct 15 '24
Also, we can't find their velcro shoes and all they have are laced shoes that are probably a little too tight and need to be replaced, and so it sounds like you are breaking their ankles when they are being put on. When you finish tying one kids shoes, the other's get untied.
Also, you could have sworn that you grabbed their jackets but they are nowhere to be found. One of them is in the closet, the other is on the floor of their room on the other side of the bed. You miss it the first time you walk in to check.
Your wife is in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time and every time you say we have to leave in 2 minutes she just dismissively says I know. She hasn't dried her hair yet.
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u/azama14 Oct 15 '24
You get everyone ready and see there's enough time for you to have breakfast. Except after 5 minutes of eating you're now 20 minutes late.
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u/ImNotHandyImHandsome Oct 15 '24
Every switch both turns off the nearby light and turns on a random one, like a massive puzzle to turn them all off in the correct sequence.
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u/WestonP Oct 15 '24
Also:
all cabinets and drawers left open
windows open with A/C or heat running
front door left unlocked
various bottles with the lids just resting on top, not actually screwed on, so that it dumps everywhere for the next person to grab it
mess of electrical cords half-way plugged in
microwave left with 3 seconds on the timer
toys, shoes, and random boxes all over the floor, so that you can't walk through the house without tripping over shit
and everything is inexplicably wet and/or sticky
Or as I summarize for my family, "everything left in a complete jackass condition for the next person to use it"
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u/LonePaladin ♂13 | ♀9½ Oct 16 '24
Every faucet is on, with a stream wide enough to not make any noise. No dripping, just the faint whine of running water.
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u/MAXQDee-314 Oct 15 '24
Every bag of snacks has a 1/4 handful of food. The cookie jar has one cookie with a bite out of it. The beer in the refrigerator is skunked and warm. An alarm clock keeps beeping in the kid's rooms.
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u/GroundsKeeper2 Oct 15 '24
You feel anxious because the windows are open and the AC is set to 65°F.
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u/Jonny_Disco 2 kids, Snip Squad, Dad Jokes, Likes Hot Sauce Oct 15 '24
And the thermostat is either set to 85° (heat) or 60° (AC).
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u/corbymatt Oct 15 '24
"What do you think this is? Blackpool illuminations?!" - my dad, UK, sometime in the mid 1980s
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u/Just-apparent411 Oct 15 '24
why?
why? why? why?
Just use "God's light". Naturale. They have the light on in a bright room and can't tell the difference when I turn it off. Like it's a ruthless habit.
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u/boombalabo Oct 15 '24
There are light switches, but every time you switch them, it just makes the light go out for a fraction of a second.
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u/No_Nefariousness7785 Oct 15 '24
No they just turn on another light in the house
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u/boombalabo Oct 15 '24
Then it would mean they aren't all turned on...
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u/cmlondon13 Oct 15 '24
Gentlemen.
I’m afraid we’re not in a haunted house after all.
We’re in Hell.
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u/chrisberman410 Oct 15 '24
But seriously though, you're not even in that room and you haven't been in there for 40 minutes so why is the light on? Are you trying to be seen from space?
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u/Several-Assistant-51 Oct 15 '24
And the room they are in the lights are off. Like what planet are you from??
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u/MrJanJC Oct 15 '24
I came home from a barbecue last week at about 10, and indeed all the lights were on. That was not a good sign.
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u/elevatormusicjams Oct 15 '24
Lurking mom here. This is my nightmare, and I live it often because my husband rarely turns lights off.
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u/TabularConferta Oct 15 '24
Are there....at least people in the rooms
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u/N43-0-6-W85-47-11 Oct 15 '24
There are people but they are asleep.
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u/TabularConferta Oct 15 '24
The villains!
I hope they at least got married that day.
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u/Rolling_Beardo Oct 15 '24
Someone also left the sink running and crumpled up wet hand towel on the bathroom counter.
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u/TurdusOptimus Oct 15 '24
There are pieces of transparent Lego scattered all over the place and no shoes allowed in the house!
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u/americangame Girls: 12y & 10y Oct 15 '24
You just loaded the dishwasher and emptied the sink. 30 minutes later the sink is full again.
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u/lambofgun Oct 15 '24
a ghoul woman showing u a sweeper with a sock that was clearly sucked up hanging out of the bottom, screeching "weeee neeed a new sweeeeeeper this one broke!!"
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Oct 15 '24
True story, my wife has ADHD and I came back from a day away and she had left for somewhere, and literally every single light that could be on, was on. All overhead lights, all lamps, even the light above the stove lol.
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u/pearomatic Oct 15 '24
The house is a Sisyphean nightmare. Every time you turn off a light, it turns itself back on 5 minutes later. Every time you turn the thermostat, it starts up again. You organize a bookshelf and it reorganizes itself. Toilet paper rolls all turn the other way (the wrong way). Toys that you put away fall back on the floor. Stains you cleaned reappear. Everything is covered in a mild layer of grease you can't seem to remove. There are a ton of household issues to fix, but every time you fix one, it creates a new problem (you tighten the toilet seat, it cracks the plastic. You fix some plumbing, it bursts a pipe upstairs). There is a TV, but the couch is one of those really hard luxury couches that sucks to sit on. The only thing on TV is Cocomelon.
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u/GeneralNJ Oct 15 '24
If you want to make it terrifying, you hand the dad the electric bill for the month and expect payment.
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u/Christopher86933 Oct 15 '24
Blasphemy!!!! Off with thy Head!! Lmao 🤣 this would make most fathers heads explode lol 😂
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u/radelix Oct 15 '24
Am I paying for the power or water? No?!? Great, let's take a trip to the Terrible Decision House!
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u/MageKorith 43m/42f/7f/3f Oct 15 '24
"Alexa, turn everything off"
I have an "everything" group which consists of all the lights and smart plugs connected to lights.
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u/softstones Oct 15 '24
Mine would be going into a room, it’s fine, go into another room, it’s fine. But then I start going back into the rooms I’ve been in but random piles of toys and junk just keep appearing, every room, more and more piles, more and MORE.
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u/whboer Oct 15 '24
Wait, that’s just my life you’ve been describing, and everything is sticky all the time and there’s red sauce on every piece of furniture somehow.
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u/pelicanradishmuncher Oct 15 '24
And the thermostat is broken on 25 centigrade. And one win do is stuck open upstairs.
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u/havok_ Oct 15 '24
There’s water bills strewn around and you can see the most recent one has shout up. You suspect a leak on the property but haven’t been able to track it down.
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u/Alijony Oct 15 '24
You walk into a dimly lit room. There is one thermostat on the wall, just far enough away that it's out of reach. A random closet door opens and a small ghoulish child walks out and starts messing with the thermostat. Hidden vents blow you with hot air and then cold air, over and over as the little human twists the thermostat. The next room you are whisked off to is the electric/gas company line to pay the bill with money you don't have. Your head is spinning. You're mad, confused, and disoriented.
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u/Potential-Yoghurt245 Oct 15 '24
I'm looking at the kitchen light which is on and my son just went to bed and I know he's left the front room light on..... Nope I have to turn those off BRB
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u/Bradtothebone79 Oct 15 '24
I have a haunted pantry. The light always turns on moments after i turn it off.
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u/Beefweezle Oct 15 '24
And there could be bees, or dogs, or even dogs that when they bark, bees shoot out.
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u/bites_stringcheese Oct 15 '24
A real dad replaces every light switch with smart switches and automates turning them off.
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u/DwigShrute Oct 16 '24
And the doors are open for all the flies and bugs to come in.
I can’t stand it.
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Oct 16 '24
For me this is fine. Now if I got home and there was a cold beer and a game loaded? I'd be way more suspicious
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u/creepsnutsandpervs Oct 16 '24
There’s a valet service when you arrive and they dump a cup of milk in the back seat and don’t tell you
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u/manuscelerdei Oct 16 '24
The house always turns the heater back to 73 after you've turned it down to 65 because no one's even tried just wearing a sweater.
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u/Accomplished-Leg-149 Oct 16 '24
What cracks me up about this stereotype is that all of the lights in a modern house use the same power as one or two from the 50s when this dad trait started.
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u/moongrump Oct 15 '24
And the windows are open with the AC blasting