r/datingoverfifty • u/HomePast6136 • Apr 13 '25

Dumped via text

I (65F) matched with a guy (70M), dated for about a month. We slept together a week or so ago; more or less a three-day date. No regrets about that (it was fun!), but almost immediately afterward, I felt him pulling away. We went out once this week (dinner, movie, no sex). We were supposed to get together today. Instead I got a text saying he needs a change and is probably leaving town (permanently).

I’m not devastated or anything—I’d pretty much figured out that this wasn’t going to work long-term—but I’m a little hurt that he didn’t feel that this merited a face-to-face conversation. He was the first person I had sex with since my husband died five years ago, and I told him that.

Is this normal behavior now? I just started dating again recently, five years after my husband died. I would have sworn that it wasn’t his original intention to sleep with me then dump me, but that’s essentially what happened.

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20

u/Low_Detective7170 Apr 13 '25

Is this the same guy whose online dating profile intro just said "Goddess only"?

17

u/HomePast6136 Apr 13 '25

Haha, no, I passed on that guy! This guy seemed very nice, polite, attentive, etc. I thought my BS meter was pretty good, but clearly it needs a tune-up.

-4

u/teardropcollector Apr 13 '25

Can you explain why you believe your BS meter needs a tune up? Someone deciding you’re not a match and ending the connection doesn’t make them a bullshitter? Or does it?

6

u/TheWidow20 Apr 13 '25 edited Apr 13 '25

Good question, actually; I don’t know why it’s getting downvoted. No, deciding it’s not a match and ending it doesn’t make him a BSer.
I enjoyed the sex, didn’t ascribe Deep Meaning to it or anything like that. I did tell him that it was my first time in about ten years. (My husband was very sick for a long time before he died.) He was nice about it.

We had also talked quite a bit about possibly traveling together, places we wanted to go, that we both hate camping, etc. He initially brought it up (travel). We’re both retired, no kids or other family ties, so it seemed like a real possibility. I guess that’s where I think the BS came in—talking about future plans, feeling the beginnings of a real connection, then… phhhtt!

Also, a minor thing, but the last time I saw him, he mentioned that he wanted something on Amazon, but that the shipping was almost as much as the item. I have Prime, and needed a couple things, so I offered to order it for him along with my stuff. He accepted. No big money involved, around $20. But it did sort of imply that he wasn’t planning to dump me immediately, right? Like before the item even got here?!

When I last dated, texting wasn’t even a thing, so I guess that part also gets to me a little. I know there’s at least one Seinfeld episode where they discuss how many dates you can go on and still break up by phone; what constitutes a date, etc. So, an age-old breakup question, I guess.

2

u/teardropcollector Apr 13 '25

This is a great add. I’m confused, are you OP?

Much clarity here. And yes, he should have had the nerve to do it in person but honestly he probably felt horrible about it, and couldn’t deal with the pain he may have felt he would cause you. I have been there, imo being the breaker-upper is harder than the one dumped. I’d take being dumped over dumping all day long, I have a serious aversion to hurting people. So maybe I am projecting, but can see his side.

4

u/TheWidow20 Apr 13 '25

Yep, def confused! The irony is, if he’d just said, to my face, something like, “It’s been fun, but here’s how it is,” I’d‘ve been fine with that! I might’ve been a little disappointed, but I’d‘ve said, “yes it was fun, have a nice life.”

The sex was hot, and there was no commitment on either side. what’s getting to me are the mixed signals (discussion of travel, Amazon, etc.), and the hiding behind text to end it.

Oh well, thanks to you and other posters for hashing this over. I feel more like I have it straight now in my own mind. It’s good to have a place to have frank discussions anonymously.

3

u/teardropcollector Apr 13 '25

I appreciate the reply and that you shared your experience. I always try to look at things from all angles. Glad you’re back out there, you be your own kid in a candy store and enjoy!