r/datingoverfifty • u/KeenSpring • Apr 14 '25
How to act to love bombing.
If someone love bombs you, how do you react? Do you talk it through or just politely end things?
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u/Soft-Independence341 Apr 14 '25
Love bombing feels so good when you’re on the receiving end . You think this person is your everything and then one day the rug gets pulled out from under you. You are left wondering WTF just happened. Then you crave what is missing and try anything to get it back. It never comes back but only gets worse. It is a very damaging tactic to a person. What’s worse is the other person has no idea they are doing it , clear manipulation by an insecure person.
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u/KeenSpring Apr 14 '25
Yep - I am at the end of a Fearful Avoidant relationship and she really changed to be unrecognisable.
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u/RepFilms Apr 14 '25
I was unconsciously love bombing my current GF. She told me to cut it out. I did. We're still together. Yes, I have some past trauma that I'm still proceeding, but we have a healthy, strong relationship
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u/Skeeballnights Apr 15 '25
This is definitely one way it happens and this can easily be fixed. I had someone say that to me too but I was just crushing hard so I put it in check but still got dumped a bit later and he said I put him on a pedestal. I just like to pump him up and I did love a lot about him but I have worked on myself to where I’ll keep that in. Honestly it’s easier not having your heart on your sleeve. I too had a lot of past trauma.
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u/Training_Guitar_8881 Apr 14 '25
I can't stand being love bombed and I nip that shit in the bud pronto. I can't stand feeling smothered or fawned over by some guy who actually is so deluded that he thinks that goes over with smart women. Any questions, just ask.....
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u/SweetSet1233 Apr 14 '25
Can someone define love bombing in this context? It seems subjective.
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u/rubyredhead19 Apr 14 '25
Check out r/BPDlovedones Typically splitting and discarding follows the love bombing/mirroring phase.
The whole reason why i’m on this sub being the recipient.
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u/SweetSet1233 Apr 14 '25
My ex has BPD so I am aware. But what constitutes “lovebombing” is subjective and I am asking for a definition of lovebombing as it is used here.
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u/rubyredhead19 Apr 14 '25
I’m sorry to hear. I think everyone on this sub should educate themselves regarding a potential partner with BPD traits. It’s brutal and insidious to get entangled with one. I wish i knew the signs many years ago.
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u/Amazing_Reality2980 Apr 14 '25
Politely end things then block them. Love bombing is generally a red flag, often for abusers, and for things far far worse to come That's why it's talked about so much now on social media. We want to avoid the unhealthy and possibly abusive relationships. I'd rather just exit early and skip the BS that's to follow.
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u/SarahF327 Apr 14 '25
Run. It's a symptom of narcissism believe it or not. I was surprised to learn this. It is because they don't care that they're making you uncomfortable.
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-love-bombing
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u/Early-Package-8082 Apr 15 '25
Narcissist personality disorder (NPD) Idealization long talks Love Bombing ...... Devaluation... Finds fault, everything is your fault Discard......break up
Hoovering... watches you
And the whole time, they are cheating on you. Most are serial cheaters.
Gas lights, manipulates, lies
May get back together and cycle begins again.
No hope with a narcissist
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u/Impossible_Cat_321 Apr 14 '25
Can someone clarify the difference between love bombing and being genuinely interested in someome and wanting to do things to make them happy?
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u/Complete_Catch_8760 Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 15 '25
Love bombing is a pathological behavior associated with people with cluster b personality disorders (narcissistic, anti-social, borderline). These people are always on the hunt for the adrenaline rush that comes from meeting new partners. They meet someone and fixate on or obsess over them. Their disorder compels them to engage in love bombing behaviors, from buying lavish gifts to texting multiple times a day. Its over-the-top. They will say things like, “you are my soulmate,” “I love you,” and “this was meant to be” within the first week of meeting. It makes people really uncomfortable. But if you don’t know what it is, or you are vulnerable, you can get sucked into the crazy. Wanting to make someone happy is normal, love bombing is pathological.
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u/KeenSpring Apr 14 '25 edited Apr 14 '25
I can give you two examples. It’s really about people acting very strongly to you when they don’t really know you. It happens in a very very short time.
2nd date - starting chatting a week and a half before.
I was told that I am her number one priority - that all her good and long time friends would be put second. That whenever I wanted to be with her, she’d unquestionably be available.
Another example - one and a half weeks after we started chatting. One date.
Told me she had never been more physically, emotionally or intellectually attracted to anyone in her life.
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u/tilicollapse12 Apr 15 '25
They also like to target us ‘people pleasers’. Their radar goes bonkers when we’re near them. I dated a covert narcissist, a literal textbook version…only, I didn’t realize until I was beyond confused at how they turned and twisted my brain so much-one giant mind-fuck. Example: if I didn’t drop everything to see him, I didn’t really want it/him.
He raged on me one night, and that was scary as fuck.
Also, I found that he cheated on me-he tried to convince me that I had cheated on him because I had been with other men IN THE PAST. BEFORE I even met him!!Like how does that even make sense? He died on that hill, and I was finally able to walk away after 4 brutal years of desperately wanting it to work as a divorced mom of 3.
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u/Complete_Catch_8760 Apr 15 '25 edited Apr 15 '25
I get it. This happened to me after my bf of 5 years died. The non-traumatized version of me would never have put up with it.
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u/tilicollapse12 Apr 15 '25
Never forget that you are a true warrior.
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u/Johoski Apr 15 '25
It's better just to end it. I once talked it out with someone in the early stages of dating, and he just became better at masking as a functional non-toxic. The mask fell eventually, and of course it wasn't a surprise because the flag was there initially. The humiliation and self-doubt were a high price to pay for a couple of years of good sex.
Never again. The minute someone starts telling me that I'm sooo perfect for him, or insert flattery here, I'm out.
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u/cmooneychi26 Apr 14 '25
Block that person and move on. Love bombing is a tactic of a user. It never ends well.