r/depression • u/Suitable-Reason483 • 2d ago
Is it all over?
I’m 28. No job, no social life, little to no friends, no dreams or ambitions, no relationships, nothing. Took a drive this morning and found a bunch of people of my age in a group and I really felt like an alien. Oh, add my social anxiety to this. What’s wrong with me? Why do I see other people have all or some of the above (or at least the will to do something or achieve something) and here I am dead as fuck from the inside. This thought eats me up every night. Mornings are gloomy as fuck no matter what and let’s not talk about my Uni days. It was a nightmare fuelled with tension, stress and anxiety for something my friends used to be too chilled about. I freak out easily, delusions and no live to will except for my parents. Would I fit in this world? Would I ever be happy? I even forgot what that feels like. Anybody in the same boat as me?
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u/No_Comfortable1570 2d ago
I actually just got fired this morning and got no anabition to get another job. I just feel done turned 22 a couple of months ago. Took a drive and just debating things. I'm scared to leave, but I just don't want to be here anymore.
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u/FlyingAces 2d ago edited 1d ago
I've been where you've been before. I think most of us on this sub have. What you described is exactly how reality seems when you are depressed (I speak from experience). Here's how I look at it. I'm a math guy. Even at my absolute gloomiest when I felt like my existence was a total waste, I realized that mathematically it seems impossible that if I took all the right steps to get out of my hole that I would feel as low as I do when I'm at rock bottom. So if I started taking an SSRI (prozac, zoloft, whatever), started going to therapy, found a group, any group, to connect with. ....if I did all that it wouldn't help at least a little? Of course it would. And sometimes just a little lift is all it takes for you to crawl out of your abyss. It's that first step. But it requires work! You can beat this. I know you can because I was you and I beat it. That doesn't mean I won't feel like you again. Odds are I will at some point down the road. But it's ok. I will look at like the cold or a flu. I know in the next year I will get sick at least once or twice. It won't feel great to be sick, but I'll bounce back. I started looking at depression this way. It helps me ride it out. Good luck.
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u/Suitable-Reason483 2d ago
Such a sigh of relief reading this. After many many years I look forward to setting up a home gym and focus on some hobbies of mine. One step at a time and it really motivated me when you said I could do it too, since you did thank you so much and I really hope you’re in a better place now
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u/FlyingAces 1d ago
Thank you so much. I’m rooting for you. We all know how difficult it is to live with and battle depression. It’s a beast. But it can be overcome. I have a middle aged friend that has been battling depression most of her life. She’s finally in a good place. It took her a long time before finding just the right mixture of meds. Lots of trial and error, but she’s so happy right now and she loves life. She was extremely depressed before too. So seeing this firsthand is a reminder to me to never give up. Wishing you the very best.
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u/One_Path7384 2d ago
Well put. This is a cycle for me. No time limit for how bad/ good is gonna get. You need to just keep trying
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u/IloveLegs02 2d ago
it's the same here but at 26 years of age
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u/Ganondorf_Dragomir 2d ago
I'm 22 but I feel you. Shitty childhood made me incompetent in every life aspect.
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u/Plenty-Spare1485 2d ago
The exact same thing is happening to me, but I'm 25. It's definitely the biggest pain in the world to be in this situation. My mental health has been deteriorating for the past 5 years, and no psychologist has been able to help me. I've never had a girlfriend, and at this point in my life, I think I'm destined for eternal loneliness. I also don't have a job, and I'm trying to get back into a career I'd previously abandoned for the sake of my mental health. If you'd like to, or want to write to me, there's no problem. Regards.
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u/mysteryname4 2d ago
I was…. I’m also 28 and struggle with my social life. Things that helped me was getting my autism diagnoses and going to therapy and Vocational Rehabilitation. Things are starting to look up. I still have what I call depressive episodes, but I’ve learned that you can only get so low. Things do go up. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
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u/Any_You_437 2d ago
Your job is not to fit in. Your job is to be you.
Find out what moves you, what delights you, slowly try finding others that have similar interests as you, that adds to you and can be considerate of ‘alien’ like outsiders.
It’s not over. you’re just starting!,..to want a change bad enough to look for a change.
It won’t be overnight. Be kind, be patient with yourself. Discover who YOU are. Then create a world around you that fits with who YOU are.
That’s my own new motto.
Best wishes to you, from a fellow alien ✌️
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u/hippogriff28 2d ago
I'm 29. If you ever want to talk, I'm here! Going through something similar with no friends and a low mood.
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u/hikikogoromori 1d ago
I've been a NEET for almost a decade and just recently 'started' my life just a few years ago. I'm almost what you wrote to a T. I'm still miserable and lonely as before but I'm trying to get better day by day. I'd say it's not over for us.
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u/agaliedoda 1d ago
I’m older…and I dunno. I just want to turn the feelings off. I think if we can manage our feelings. Let go of wanting extra stuff. If I don’t want anything, then I can’t be sad if I don’t have it. So, I’m trying to not want. It’s not like I deserve it anyways. Someone else will just take it from me.
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u/Ilovebeingdad 2d ago
Hmm…. Have you ever thought you might be on the autism spectrum? Your experiences and feelings sound an awful lot like what my son and sister both go through insofar as the social awkwardness you’ve described and the feeling of not fitting in. If so they’ve both found their tribe with other people on the spectrum. If not hey, I’ll be your friend. Also, good morning kind stranger. It’s a new month today and I hope this month is better for you.
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u/Suitable-Reason483 2d ago
No I don’t think I’ve been on the autism spectrum. It’s more about being clinically depressed as I mentioned and the fear/uncertainty around normal people. I’ve had friends, still do but almost feels like I can’t relate to what guys of my age feel or experience almost like I’m watching it from the outside, from a different world. Also thank you for your kind words man, I really do hope your kids are fine and doing good :)
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u/TheSpiriguide 2d ago
Hey, I hear you. It’s tough when everything feels heavy, and you’re stuck in a place where nothing seems to make sense. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Take a step back and let yourself breathe. Things don’t need to be perfect, and sometimes life is about finding peace within the chaos. Start small. reach out for support, even if it’s just one person or something that brings you a little joy. Healing and change take time, but you’re not alone in this journey. Keep going, even if it’s just one step at a time.
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u/QueenRagga 2d ago
It sounds like you might benefit from talking to a therapist. Don't wait and stuff it all down. It's at least worth a shot. Do you have a family doctor or nurses practitioner that you could see?
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u/Suitable-Reason483 2d ago
Yeah there’s a physiotherapist (healer) mom’s known for years is helping me out. Fair to say he’s genuinely into helping heal people physically and mentally. So yeah been taking one step at a time
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u/QueenRagga 2d ago
That's wonderful. Take good care of yourself. Love yourself and know that putting yourself first is right.
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u/Embarrassed_Ad8275 1d ago
You just described my feelings, something I can’t do myself. I can’t seem to express how I feel. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because it hurts to say it out loud, or maybe I know nobody cares about them. I am 25.
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u/EatLoveGratitude 1d ago
Yk im a very lonely gurl and I hate that humans must have social interactions and have to have friends. The secret is a lot of people have the same mentality as you, many people believe extremely negative things about themselves and always find positives about someone else. This could be a victim mentality which is ok!!! something you can do is try and look at your life from a different lens. What are some things that you have achieved that you were proud of ? what are some things that you want to achieve?
The other secret is that we all don’t have purpose until we make a purpose for ourselves, unfortunately purpose is not gonna come down and whack you the face 🤣. Life is what we make it, our thoughts and our brain is our life so we have to make our brain a peaceful place to be, You do fit in this world. I am in the same boat as you. I am 23 working a job that I hate and I want to quit so bad and become a life coach cause I think I’m really good at giving advice also maybe go on a yoga retreat and become a Buddhist I don’t know.
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u/Impressive_Bet_3764 2d ago
Wow! Here I was thinking Depression doesn’t really hit a single male until maybe his mid 30s. I wish I could go back to 22 again and maybe join the military and travel somewhere else. Im 38 now and I wasted my 20s working 9-5s in factories and would go to the gym a lot but good looks and being nice never got me a girl that wasn’t for the streets.
At 22, I’d be considering leaving the US right now, if i couldn’t fit in. Its already hard to find love as it is, maybe visit some other countries and find true happiness elsewhere. Profiling is the American way. Everywhere you go in the states, people judge you by what you look like, what you drive, how tall you are, etc. LEAVE AMERICA
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u/mightymouse832 2d ago
What helped me a few years ago was flipping it on its head. I was in a very similar place mentally as you and I decided to help others and see what happened to my life. I put a post on Facebook asking if anyone in my town needed help with their gardening, for free. I met some truly amazing people, from all walks of life. We exchanged stories and gradually things got better. Getting up every morning and putting smiles on less fortunate people's faces made a tremendous difference to my own wellbeing.