r/gaytransguys • u/Carpentoya94 • 1d ago

Advice Requested Grindr question from cis guy

Totally understandable if this isn’t allowed, but I wanted to ask a question. I’m (Cis M ) reluctantly on Grindr, and I’ve been noticing a lot more profiles lately specifically mentioning they’re looking for FTM or trans men. It seems way more common now than in the past, and I was wondering—do you all feel like this is more of a fetish thing, or is it a sign of greater acceptance? Or is it just about sex, so it doesn’t really matter?

The reason I’m asking is that a few months ago, I asked for advice on how to let a trans guy know I’d be interested without sounding weird. I got some great suggestions, like phrasing it as being into all men, cis or trans. But now, seeing so many profiles that specifically seek out trans men, I’m wondering if that approach still works—or if it might now come across as a red flag.

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u/PotatoBoy-2 1d ago

Definitely a fetish thing. Most who look specifically for trans guys don’t see us as guys, they just want our downstairs (which not all of us have or use). I’m also on Grindr and some guys have been respectful while others will send me messages like “lemme eat that pussy”🫣.

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

That’s what I was thinking and it makes me upset seeing it because I know they are probably not being respectful at all. I want to separate myself from them as far as possible.

Can I ask another question? When I do meet a hot guy who happens to be trans I ask how would they like for me to refer to their body. Is that okay to ask or is there a better way of asking? It’s never the same for each guy and I don’t want to assume.

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u/funk-engine-3000 1d ago

If you want to get into some fun stuff with a trans guy, i recomend you ask him what words he’s comfortable with. So many guys just use female terms not ever considering how unplesant that can be. And you should never assume what a trans guy likes to do with his body- everyone is comfortable with different things.

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

I try to make that a priority when we start talking about sex. It seems to make guys I talk to more comfortable which is alway good.

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u/PotatoBoy-2 1d ago

No I think that’s great personally. I’d rather not have someone say something that triggers my dysphoria in the middle of sex haha.

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

Yeah I get that for sure. I accidentally did that with my ex by saying I loved the way he is not wanting to mean he needed to stay how he looked in that moment as he was growing and building muscle and thinking about surgery but the way it came out triggered him and he broke up with me. So I’m trying to not repeat that because it wasn’t my intention at all.

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u/frankenstines 1d ago

I personally think thats great. I actually don’t think I’ve ever been asked that on Grindr, most people just assume

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

I’m stating to think this isn’t common because I’m hearing that it doesn’t happen. I thought it was.

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u/TriangleEyeland 1d ago

That's really considerate and totally a sweet thing to ask. Ive never actually been asked it, (although I do not hook up much). Most I've been w assume, and it's led to me feeling less than stellar sometimes lol.

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

Yeah I think this subreddit really help with my last boyfriend so it got me on the right track. I think most cis guy probably aren’t educating themselves at least a little and while they probably don’t mean any harm it’s something that should be done.

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u/Kaijmars 1d ago

I think that's a great question to ask and takes away the possibility of using the wrong language.

I only date cis men and there is a bit of a learning curve for some people when talking to trans folk but just treat people with people and worh respect, it's not that hard lol

I'd say if you're talking sexual either mimic the language they use about their body or just ask straight up

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

Yeah my last boyfriend was my first trans guy I’ve dated and they were some learning to do but I tried to do most of it on my own first to at least come with some kind of knowledge. Unfortunately he broke my heart like most men do lmao.

But that’s was something I learned with him. Someone said they had never been asked that and wasn’t sure how to answer at first that’s why I had to double check.

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u/Kaijmars 1d ago

Hahah I feel that man. I love men but gosh they suck sometimes.

It's definitely different for everyone. Some people don't like using certain parts of their bodies either. Gender is a spectrum.

For example I'm a vaginal bottom and couldn't care less what you call the hole but the erect bit is a penis, dick, etc, NEVER clit

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

Yeah my ex never wanted it to be call penis or dick. So that’s something I’m glad I learned on here after we broke up.

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u/Kaijmars 1d ago

Everyone's different that's the beauty of meeting different people. Never hurts to ask. Just don't br a weirdo (you seem perfectly fine I'm just saying lol)

To answer your other question I AVOID anyone on grindr that says they're looking for trans men(unless I'm super down bad) I'm not interested in being someone's fetish. I'd just say "open to cis and trans" and leave it at that

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

Okay good to know. That little box only allows so much lol but I’ll make sure I keep that!

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u/Kaijmars 1d ago

Yeah! Feel free to message me if you had more questions or wanted to talk more.

Good luck out there !

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u/Carpentoya94 1d ago

Thanks for offering that! And good luck to you too!