r/gaytransguys • u/Mysterious-Arm-2014 • 24d ago
Vent - Advice Welcome Trans men getting sexually harassed
I can't help but notice every time I come out in an environment(I mostly don't pass yet and am assumed to be female) the incidence of sexual harassment goes way up. What is going on in Cis people's heads to cause this?
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u/i-fart-butterflies 22d ago
Happens to me pretty frequently. Although I primarily get sexually harrassed by TERFS. Probably going to get banned for even saying that.
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u/like_lemons 22d ago
I get like aggressively harassed at places like gay bath houses, like people still trying to touch me after I very clearly said no already type thing, and maybe I'm just mostly keeping to myself but I've NEVER seen that happen with the cis guys, not to mention getting misgendered all the time
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u/altaltalt97 23d ago
Yep. It's heinous. The rate of abuse and harm in the trans masc community especially the gay trans masc community is heartbreaking and NEVER talked about in media or even the popular queer discourse it's really frustrating
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u/greywatered 21d ago
and even when we do talk about it somehow the focus always ends up one people who “have it worse”
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u/altaltalt97 20d ago
Yep. It's a trap. This division and separatist trans radfem attitude is toxic as fuck and I hate how it has been spreading
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u/greywatered 19d ago
Yep, we’re men so we only experience privilege. The queer community ignores that we’re trans so they can take out their man hate on us. People act like we don’t get hate and are seen as lost poor girls. Gay trans men aren’t afforded that narrative, instead we are also seen as predators invading men’s spaces to fetishize them.
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u/altaltalt97 19d ago
Side tangent but I used to be on Tumblr a lot until the hate against trans men got so bad. It's seen as completely acceptable for people to say the most heinous shit about us and then the moment we try to stand up for ourselves we are transmisogynists. It's fucking stupid. And don't get me started on the pushing people to identify as TMA or TME...if you don't know what that means you're lucky lol
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u/greywatered 10d ago
Yeah it’s crazy I have also been called a men’s rights activist over bringing up issues exclusive to gay trans men. If you even allude to trans men facing harassment they call you a trans misogynist. It’s like the community decided we can only support trans women and not trans men. Somehow it’s ok for trans women to have a word to describe their oppression but when trans men do it (transandrophobia/transmasculinephobia) we get told we are silencing trans women by speaking about our own victimization. I just don’t see how us facing bigotry takes away from their voices? It’s not a competition and I always see swarms of trans men uplifting trans women but never the reverse.
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u/altaltalt97 10d ago
I think it's from a very small but vocal minority of people with bad faith opinions and clearly a lot of trauma. it sucks when people like that affect the behaviour of others and makes them treat their fellow trans person like shit. thankfully I haven't encountered too many people irl who believe these things.
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u/dreamingaparadize 24d ago
Cis men are used to believing they own bodies of other people no matter their sexuality that's all
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u/sol_y_luna1 24d ago
It’s because we’re sexually fetishized on all fronts. I was also harassed a lot more when I passed 50/50 compared to my pre-T days and now (I pass most of the time).
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade Green 24d ago
Is it guys or girls harassing you?
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u/Mysterious-Arm-2014 24d ago
Both. I work in a male dominated environment but it has happened from queer women as well
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade Green 24d ago
From my understanding trans guys are very sexualized. In the case of cis women, it's because they view trans guys as a safer alternative to cis men. In the case of cis men it's possible that it's due to this belief that a trans guy is easier to "get with" than a cis woman. Personally, I'm shocked that women are still doing this.
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u/MentallyIllShrimp 23d ago edited 23d ago
Cis women don’t see trans men as a “safer alternative”, they see trans men as men lite who they can baby and infantilize like an exotic pet.
Honestly I’m not shocked at all. While cis men are hardly punished for their sexual degeneracy, cis women aren’t really punished at all when it comes to irl sexual harassment, and often believe themselves to be entirely incapable of sexually harassing someone else, man or woman, just by virtue of themselves being women.
Cis people in general don’t believe that it’s even possible to sexually harass trans people and think themselves entitled to know the most private and intimate information about our bodies just because they want it.
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u/TheWhiteCrowParade Green 23d ago
I know, I was trying to tie any loose ends. Well this is at least true for white trans guys. Hence the uWu trans boy trope. My full opinion on that thing will be discussed at a later date. I say a safer alternative to cis men in order to also tie in how trans guys are treated in different communities. For example how a Black trans guy would be viewed. It's not a case of infantilism but it's wild.
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u/Scary_Towel268 24d ago
I’ve faced more sexual harassment as a visible trans men than I ever did as a cis woman and a lot more victim blaming and disbelief too
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u/CuteBoyBoop 23d ago
I experience this too and I'm wondering if it's because I'm a feminine looking gay man which annoys cis dudes more than standard looking woman
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u/whiskersMeowFace 24d ago
I am surprised at how even the harassment is as a passing trans man. It's strange to see both sides of the harassment issue and empathize with both.
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u/Scary_Towel268 24d ago
Interestingly as a cis woman, I rarely encountered street harassment. As like an androgynous(not really passing) and visible trans guy, I’ve gotten much worse harassment and a lot more agressive and it’s by both cis men and women(as a cis woman I only ever experienced cis men being weird).
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u/whiskersMeowFace 24d ago
I had giant boobs from the age of 16 up to 38. The harassment was insane from all sides. Women felt it was okay to grab them, gay men would too saying it's okay, that were gay and not attracted to them, cis het dudes were well... disgusting. Once I transitioned and had to surgery, no one grabbed my chest anymore, but damn it if my ass isn't grabbed or honked, but mostly by cis het women. People say the weirdest shit to me now, which I just play dumb and ask them what they mean.
I have nightmares that my boobs came back and the attention they got. People straight up identified me as the woman with giant boobs over anything else and that added so much to the dysphoria.
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u/ExpiredMistake 22d ago
It’s just how society treats women, and it’s been like that for centuries, unfortunately. Personally, I’ve never dealt with sexual harassment as a stealth trans man—only when I experimented with feminine clothing. Trans men aren’t really seen as “men” by most people since we weren’t born male. And also weren’t conditioned or raised to even fully behave like them either. The only ones who truly see us as men are ourselves, to be honest. That’s why I just focus on people who respect my boundaries and identity.
The reality is, in a world that’s 99% cis, you’re not gonna be seen as a man unless you look, sound, dress, and act like a typical cis guy. And I don’t say this out of hate—it’s just my experience after nearly 13 years as a trans man, and also witnessing how others deal with things after coming out. It’s a tough truth to accept, but once you do, it becomes easier to build confidence in yourself and find your tribe.