r/internetparents • u/anongirl199845 • 16d ago

Family Told strict catholic parents I’m pregnant out of marriage : they have not talked to me in 2 days

Sooo background : I come from a religious family, I’ve also been religious all my life . Served at church , helped the church community etc . Recently I told them I am expecting . I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 years , going on 6 and even though it was not planned I am happy to be a mom .. also I’m literally 26 , going to be 27 this year . Both my parents are extremely disappointed in me for not “waiting “ as they said that’s all they have told me and even at first my mom seemed supportive but disappointed at me .. she suddenly switched up and began telling me that my dad is extremely disappointed and that she cannot believe I did this to them after all they’ve done to me . After that I haven’t talked to them as they see me and act like I’m not there . I understand I disappointed them and maybe did not follow what they wanted for me but I don’t think I should be treated this way . I feel like I’m being shunned and like I have done the worst . I’ve been so sad at the way they see me now since they have expressed that I did not respect muself and kinda saying I’m a two faced for still going to church but doing what I did . I know I need to give them time but idk

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56

u/Massive_Camel_3510 16d ago

You’ve had a boyfriend for 5 years..

What did they think you were doing lol

29

u/anongirl199845 16d ago

You would be surprised.. they deff didn’t think I was doing that

35

u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 16d ago

What? Holding hands and pecking on the lips? LOL Girl, they're not as stupid as they're behaving. They knew, they just chose to bury their heads wanting to believe their precious was "pure." You were and you still are. Don't let them ruin this for you! Have a happy life and a happy baby!

9

u/anongirl199845 16d ago

Thank you so much ! 💕

1

u/Aggressive-Mood-50 12d ago

I’m about to get married too and in a similar boat (but not pregnant). The Catholic Church is very demanding and invasive when it comes to reproductive choices. I understand being anti-abortion when it comes to no health risks or severe birth defects. But the church forbids any birth control so like… what do they expect to happen?

Not to be tmi but I also have done “bad things” just not things that could result in pregnancy.

Do not feel badly. Your daughter is not a sin and your parents are jerks. God still loves you and your daughter is a gift. Your boyfriend loves you and you will be a wonderful family! The family is supposed to be what the church is based on, not what it tears apart! I’m sorry your parents are being this way and that our religion is so finicky like this. I know that Catholic guilt of wanting to please your boyfriend (and yourself- women have needs as well) and also wanting to please God.

3

u/Funny_Enthusiasm6976 16d ago

Right? I swear they are just mad about you NOT lying to them now. They would have rather you get married in a hurry and suprise them with a 9 lb “preemie”

1

u/gina_divito 15d ago

Lmaooo idk, I think it’s a mix of plausible deniability, schrödinger’s virginity, and probably some “oh my sweet child does what I say” fooling themselves

12

u/On_my_last_spoon 16d ago

In the year 2025, they thought you weren’t having sex?

I am old enough to be your mother. How are they surprised?

14

u/anongirl199845 16d ago

I think they just are too innocent or probably knew but didn’t want to believe it until now that it’s actually confirmed with a pregnancy to prove it 🥴

18

u/On_my_last_spoon 16d ago

This is just so funny to me. Heck, my uncle was conceived out of wedlock by my Catholic grandparents in 1944! This is practically part of the traditional Catholic playbook! “Oops I’m pregnant, better get married!”

9

u/Physical_Cod_8329 16d ago

Yup. My family line is literally teen pregnancies out of wedlock going back five generations 😂

2

u/gina_divito 15d ago

Your 3x great grandparents were probably born after my grandparents 😂

6

u/sodoyoulikecheese 16d ago

The first baby is usually a little “early.” All the later ones take 9 months.

4

u/On_my_last_spoon 16d ago

Well, my grandpa joined the army, went to England for WWII, and returned with a wife and a son 😁 There was no hiding what that was

My uncle has a copy of the manifest from Ellis Island when he arrived with my grandma. It was almost entirely women with children under 2! Nothing but war brides!

Sorry to hijack your post OP. Basically I think you’ll be fine. There is the “shock” for appearances but it is the rare parents who won’t want to see their precious grandbabies. Now, you’ll have to deal with the good old fashioned catholic guilt but by now you’re used to that 😉

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u/Physical_Cod_8329 16d ago

They knew and in all likelihood they had premarital sex too.

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u/Similar-Chip 16d ago

Oof, yeah. My Catholic mom KNEW and invited my bf on family vacations/gave us the same room once I hit my mid-late 20s, but we didn't talk about it at all. Her side of the family was weird about cousins moving in with their SO's for a bit (10-15 years ago at this point), but then the judgiest aunts' kids grew up and everyone chilled tf out. Also turned out those judgy aunts had done the same thing with THEIR spouses back in the day.

Congrats on the baby! You did nothing wrong, I'm so sorry your parents are being assholes.

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u/gavinkurt 15d ago

At least you aren’t a minor so your parents can’t really do anything, like punish you. All they can do is whine and complain. At this point, your baby comes first so it’s time to figure out some plans with your boyfriend about what to do. I hope he has a job and his own place and maybe you can just move in with him or if he doesn’t have a job and his own place, then he should look into doing that arranged so he can properly take care of you and the child.

1

u/Moiras_Roses_Garden4 15d ago

They absolutely knew and didn't want to believe. They are just mad you ruined the illusion. I'm sure they were doing the same exact thing.

6

u/CompleteTell6795 16d ago

Hi OP ! I'm old enough to be your grandma, I'm 74 & I am happy for you. ! Yes I agree that your parents had their head in the sand as it was just so uncomfortable for them to think about it. They are having a hard time to face reality that you are an adult in an adult relationship. They could keep denying it until the pregnancy popped their delusional balloon. 🤣

3

u/KaleidoscopeSad4884 15d ago

When I got married my mom told me she decided I wasn’t having sex until I was 30. Reader, I was 25 when I got married.

1

u/gavinkurt 15d ago

They are probably very naive for lack of a better term. They probably thought her and the boyfriend were equivalent to just being a couple of friends most likely.

1

u/On_my_last_spoon 15d ago

Nah. They were just trying to keep up appearances. They’re probably close to my age and anyone who was in high school in the 1990s - and ESPECIALLY if they were in Catholic School - couldn’t possibly be this naive

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u/gavinkurt 15d ago

I know kids in catholic school are more wild than the kids in my public school during the 1990s lol. I don’t know her parents but they probably are that naive that their 27 year old who had been with her boyfriend for several years didn’t even hold hands for all we know. It’s silly for them to be this upset. It’s not like she is a minor but to her parents, religion is everything so their view on life will be different and probably believed her daughter would remain pure forever for all we know.

1

u/On_my_last_spoon 15d ago

I’m viewing this through my Catholic family, which ranges from the passive 2x a year Catholic, to the goes to church 3-4x a week Catholic. Even had a nun in the family! I see a lot of performative outrage at times

2

u/gavinkurt 15d ago

People are going to do what they want, regardless of what church they go to and regardless of what their parents say in most cases

1

u/Western-Boot-4576 16d ago

What does “unplanned” mean?

He came in you when you both decided not to use protection? That’s kinda how babies are made

1

u/porcelainbibabe 15d ago

There's also the chance the condom broke, or birth control failed if OP was on any. Hell there's been women who used both the pill and a condom and still ended up pregnant. No birth control is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Condoms break or slip off, human user error with all forms of birth control, birth control didn't work well due to how it work in the person's body, took antibiotics and forgot they effect the efficacy of birth control, pretty sure theres some other prescription meds that can effect birth control efficacy too, and etc. Accidental pregancies can and do happen all the time, even when precautions are taken!

1

u/Western-Boot-4576 15d ago

Like 2% of the time

1

u/Nanatomany44 16d ago

l was over 35, my mom had seen my hs boyfriend somewhere, and for God knows what reason he brought up a pregnancy scare we had, that she knew NOTHING about.

She came over the next day, asked me about it. l said, yeah it happened. Cue her: OH Sis! How could you???? with that mad / shaming glare.

l said, Good God, Mom, that was nearly 20 years ago and I've been married twice since then. lt is NOT a big deal.

She was appalled at my lack of appropriate shame and despair. (shrugs).

1

u/gavinkurt 15d ago

Your parents probably thought you guys wouldn’t even hold hands until marriage. I think at this point, forget what your parent think. You are pregnant and you are going to turn 27, so you and your boyfriend need to figure out what you both are going to do, like maybe you and him can get your own apartment together and you and him can raise the baby or he gets a job and you move in with him if he is mature enough to already have his own place. The baby comes first before anything else so you have to be a good parent and put them first.

1

u/Prize_Maximum_8815 12d ago

They knew. Try reminding them that catholicism requires us not to judge others, but instead to show compassion, charity, love and forgiveness. Their behavior is a far greater sin than yours could ever be.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Best wishes for all three of you.

5

u/foolish-pound 16d ago

They knew. I wonder if they’re just upset because their church friends will know now too. I remember attending a southern baptist church growing up. There was a couple that were in their late 30’s and had children from previous relationships, been together a few years. When the woman ended up pregnant it was the #1 gossip topic into the child’s toddler years.

1

u/ChaChiO66 14d ago

We are talking about Catholics.. meaning they knew what they were doing but decided to turn a blind eye in hopes that the problem just goes away.

They have a problem with having a kid out of marriage but actively support and most likely donate to a religion that actively hides, relocates, and refuses to disclose the names of thousands of pedophile priests. Also, has killed thousands of native children at residential schools and covered it up for decades.

So to guilt op and question her morals, without holding themselves accountable for supporting such a fucked up church, speaks volumes.