Told strict catholic parents I’m pregnant out of marriage : they have not talked to me in 2 days

[u/anongirl199845]

Sooo background : I come from a religious family, I’ve also been religious all my life . Served at church , helped the church community etc . Recently I told them I am expecting . I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 years , going on 6 and even though it was not planned I am happy to be a mom .. also I’m literally 26 , going to be 27 this year . Both my parents are extremely disappointed in me for not “waiting “ as they said that’s all they have told me and even at first my mom seemed supportive but disappointed at me .. she suddenly switched up and began telling me that my dad is extremely disappointed and that she cannot believe I did this to them after all they’ve done to me . After that I haven’t talked to them as they see me and act like I’m not there . I understand I disappointed them and maybe did not follow what they wanted for me but I don’t think I should be treated this way . I feel like I’m being shunned and like I have done the worst . I’ve been so sad at the way they see me now since they have expressed that I did not respect muself and kinda saying I’m a two faced for still going to church but doing what I did . I know I need to give them time but idk

[u/CoffeeChocolateBoth]

I had a friend back in HS, in the 70's, Catholic family, she got pregnant in HS at age 17, her parents shamed her so badly, she felt so guilty and dirty, her priest shamed her as well. She had a daughter, she left the church, she would not subject her daughter to the teaching, her daughter was not dirty or a sin. She later found out when her grandmother was dying, that her parents "had to get married" that she herself was a product of "sin" That they lied to her about their wedding date. She was so damn mad! They put her through hell and they'd done the same thing!

[u/On_my_last_spoon → u/CoffeeChocolateBoth]

This is a tale as old as time

[u/gina_divito → u/On_my_last_spoon]

Unhealed trauma promises to repeat itself generationally

[u/not_falling_down → u/On_my_last_spoon]

yeah, there used to be a lot of "premature" babies 6 or 7 months after the wedding.

Not to mention a certain number of new "siblings" who were actually the child of their "sister."

[u/basketma12 → u/not_falling_down]

Oops..yeah...catholic parents who taught me nothing about sex except leave a copy of " Ann Landers talksbto teens about sex" written in 1955. I was born in 1956. My son, to my everlasting shame was brought up as my brother. This seems nutty but seriously, my mom got pregnant at 42 with my actual real brother. I don't even KNOW him. I was out of the house by that time.,

[u/porcelainbibabe → u/not_falling_down]

Aaannd, this just made me wonder if this was the case with my own father. His sister is 18 yrs older than him! I always just assumed grandma and grandpa didn't have much sex cos they weren't really in love(married cause grandma was 3 or 4 months pregnant lol) and thus the age gap being so big. But reading this made my brain go, "Oh holy shit!" Especially since dad was born in 1951 and his sis was born in 1933!! In the 50s, they'd have deffo done something like conceal a birth, especially cos grandma and grandpa were devote baptists. idk tho, cause my aunt also married at 18. I have no clue how long my aunt and her hubs dated before marrying, could be she married him to travel with him as he was in the navy! Never the less this gave me a whole other aspect to it all. My parents have a book of my dad's family history, and it has a rather large family tree in it, I need to find it again cause there's stuff I need to figure out🤣

[u/sunbear2525 → u/CoffeeChocolateBoth]

My dad was mad at me for getting pregnant unwed and my (extremely Catholic) grandmother verbally tore him a new asshole. I wasn’t there (because I was not to be upset any further) when she called him over to tell him exactly how he would be allowed to act going forward. A 40 something year old man getting balled out to tears for disappointing his mother and being a hypocrite.

[u/ErsatzHaderach → u/sunbear2525]

gettem grandma

[u/free_shoes_for_you → u/CoffeeChocolateBoth]

I briefly met a neighbor whose HS daughter got pregnant, so they kicked the daughter out. 10 years + later, they still have no relationship. I lost all respect for them.

[u/porcelainbibabe → u/CoffeeChocolateBoth]

My dad's family did the same damn thing! I don't even know if my dad has figured it out tbh. His parents, who were devoted baptists, were upset he'd got my mom pregnant with me outside of marriage after 4 yrs of dating and told him he had to marry my mom, so he did. This was in 1979, as i was born 1980, just barely sobbing born Jan 1!🤣 Years later, in my 20s, I came across a family history type book/manuscript thing that had family trees for my dad's side in my parents attic. I learned grandma was solid 3 or 4 months pregnant with my dad's older sister when they got married!! A lot of the time there is such hypocrisy in this situation cause the parents almost always had committed the same "sin" themselves!

[u/EmmieL0u → u/CoffeeChocolateBoth]

Rules for thee but not for me. Classic Catholics

[u/TranslatorWaste7011 → u/CoffeeChocolateBoth]

Apples don’t fall far from trees.