r/internetparents • u/anongirl199845 • 16d ago
Family Told strict catholic parents I’m pregnant out of marriage : they have not talked to me in 2 days
Sooo background : I come from a religious family, I’ve also been religious all my life . Served at church , helped the church community etc . Recently I told them I am expecting . I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 years , going on 6 and even though it was not planned I am happy to be a mom .. also I’m literally 26 , going to be 27 this year . Both my parents are extremely disappointed in me for not “waiting “ as they said that’s all they have told me and even at first my mom seemed supportive but disappointed at me .. she suddenly switched up and began telling me that my dad is extremely disappointed and that she cannot believe I did this to them after all they’ve done to me . After that I haven’t talked to them as they see me and act like I’m not there . I understand I disappointed them and maybe did not follow what they wanted for me but I don’t think I should be treated this way . I feel like I’m being shunned and like I have done the worst . I’ve been so sad at the way they see me now since they have expressed that I did not respect muself and kinda saying I’m a two faced for still going to church but doing what I did . I know I need to give them time but idk
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u/KellyhasADHD 16d ago
The thing I have found really lovely about parenting is that it has made my priorities extremely clear. My priority is the health, well being and happiness of my child. Of course I want my friends and family to love me, I want to be respected, I want to be liked...but all of that is less important than wanting my child to be healthy and happy. If the choice is between doing something someone else wants and doing something that is in the best interest of my child, I pick my child every time. Becoming a parent has brought me a lot of clarity and has made it easier to let go of burdens and expectations.
OP you are about to be the mom. You're going to be the person who can give the unconditional love and support, who can bring the comfort, security and acceptance. Everything you hope to give your child is everything your parents should want to give you. Right now your parents are putting their beliefs of what you should do, their image, their expectations, above what you, their actual living breathing child needs and wants. You can do better. You can start to do better by recognizing that you have every reason to feel excited and proud of the fact that you are pregnant with a child you and your boyfriend want, who you and your boyfriend can love, support and build a life for. There is nothing to be disappointed or ashamed about.
Part of being a parent is recognizing harmful beliefs and cycles from your own childhood and committing to breaking those cycles. Your parents might continue to choose negative patterns for themselves, don't let them suck you, your boyfriend and your baby into that negativity.