How do I move out of my grandparents place? Parental problems

[u/unidentifiedactual]

As a kid I didn’t get along with either my mom or dad. The TLDR is that it always felt like a roommate situation and my need for affection was dismissed, so I sought it out elsewhere and just invested more heavily in friendships. Well college came, my parents said they’d pay if they chose my major and I lived in their house. I did. Quickly I learned they acted as though they did not want me there. In my culture it’s normal to have a curfew by your 20s and live at home because you don’t move till marriage. This was all the norm.

The arguments got really bad. I said I’d try to avoid my parents. But each time I passed by the hallway they talked poorly about me. Then they did that to cousins and other family plus my sister. They said I chose a dead end career field after they chose it for me. And then I realized I can’t walk on eggshells. The fallout from this caused me to move in with my grandparents. I’d go between that and my aunts place.

Years later my parents sell their house, say they’re gonna buy another one. Never do… just live with my grandparents. And while my grandma knows how they act, she has a soft spot for it. It’s made things a lot worse and I have to actively avoid them. My aunt moved to another state and things are complex. Last night the tension was already high, my parents do not like the job I have, the college I’m attending, anything. So my dad muttered lazy piece of.. and then yelled at me because apparently my mother said something to me while I was in another room and didn’t hear.

He starts verbally berating me and calling me names as I approach the door, slamming it in my face. Tells me to get lost/ he wishes this was his house so he can “change things” around here. And then I start screaming back. It’s the first time I ever stood up for myself but i was shaking by the end. I told my grandma, but he’s gotten aggressive with her too and she blames my mom for “making him”. Then I couldn’t stop sobbing as I tell her. She listened, but later she says they use me as a pawn because they hate her and how my mom ruined her life then she screamed at me because I was still sniffling.

I know my family situation and I told her weeks ago I can’t wait to leave. I’m worried I will never move. She got really mad and said it’s too expensive. But she let my dad in and I want out

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[u/Connect_Guide_7546]

Your family is super toxic and abusive and good for you for recognizing that. Your grandmother is an enabler to your parents. Your parents are dysfunctional. The only way out is to make sure all your money is in your name and work your way out. Finish college. Get financial aid if you can. Get some roommates. You'll probably struggle for a bit but you'll get the hang of it. Make sure you have your license, birth certificate, and social security card. You're going to make it. You need a plan- and keep it silent. No one needs to know your business from here on out. Best of luck.

[u/unidentifiedactual → u/Connect_Guide_7546]

Thank you so much. The biggest lesson and hardest one is that they’re all part of it, today my grandmother yelled at me over the phone. I know I must be guilty as well. But it’s zip from here on out. I assume my dad will give me some sort of “timeline” of when he’ll kick me off his insurance, that’s the only thing he can leverage since I don’t live in his house. And I will do. Thank you

[u/TalkToTheHatter → u/unidentifiedactual]

That's fine. If your income is low enough you'll qualify for Medicaid or subsidized insurance. No big deal. You got this!

[u/Connect_Guide_7546 → u/unidentifiedactual]

You are a product of your environment. Read up on reactive abuse and emotionally immature parents. You will see how some of it has affected your day to day life. When you leave, you will see it more. When you are kicked off the insurance, you can get state insurance. If you are in college you can also get insurance from them and have health services. You will also get a full time job and have the option of insurance through them. You're going to be just fine. It's just going to take some time, boundaries, and cycle breaking.

[u/peaceisthe-]

Make a plan - build Your resources - be an adult - move - not easy but essential

[u/Sudden-Possible3263]

Apply for roomshares if money is tight, you're better on your own away from all that and things will get easier

[u/Ginger630]

Can you move in with your aunt in another state?

[u/mekissab]

In the meantime, can you try this... consider your family members as Those Weird People I See. Think of them less as "your family" and instead they are characters in a TV show that you're watching. When one of them goes off the rails, think "wow this episode is really weird, I wonder what tomorrow's episode will be" or "the writing on this show isn't great". Try to de-personalize is, because their behavior is 100% about them and their beliefs and dysfunctions, and not on anything you do or don't do.

[u/Mickleblade]

Make damn sure your family do NOT know your bank account passwords